Does It Matter, If You Learn To Love?
A brief review of the notions of love in life.
What is Love!?
A feeling of recklessness, a feeling of warmth, or is it just the amalgamation of everything destructive and creative.
We define love through various means and perspectives. We treasure some forms and reject many at our convenience, and inconvenience. The form of love I would be talking about is what all of us perhaps have felt for another at one moment in time knowing and unknowingly. Yes, the feeling of heartbreak is going to be swift in this one, be prepared.
I have always believed that love is a detrimental part of any relationship, friendship, and vice-versa. Love is like the air we breathe into the people we admire and adore. It is the majestic presence that bewilders our soul, our senses grow wild when it surrounds us for the people we want to treasure and unite with. Our soul wants to conjoin with theirs; soulmates. A word that is taught to us perhaps all our lives, the one.
“You will find the one — You were created in pairs” — perhaps it is our destiny to keep on falling until we find the right ones.
For me, I give my love for free. Free!? you may ask. It does point a question to myself that how can I give parts of myself for free. Well, the lifestyle I live is complementary by those that surround me. Indeed they think or believe that I have everything in control, which is the opposite but it is just as they envision it. I have a better control system to keep myself in check. But it doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen accidentally over the years.
This was probably 7 years ago, I was still a teenager and yeah I was never really interested in the notions of Love. Although, I was a very loving person I never delved in relationships, and up to this day. I’m a celibate. But there was someone, whom I caught a few feelings for which I was technically unaware of. She was a family friend, and we used to hang out a lot together.
I would treat her as our own. And just as a loving caring family is, I would fulfill my role. We had many adventures together, and as a family; the bond we shared grew really stronger. Now I used to be called by my family, that I like her. These words manifested these feelings of love, in my subconscious mind.
When people say feelings of love, moreover filling your head with such feelings. Your subconscious mind tends to weave certain emotions and thus in the background, certain feelings tend to develop over time. Although, on the outside, you are perfectly fine. But in the background, everything is just getting ready for disaster.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” — Dr. Seuss
We have had a really exciting time together. But then one day, I heard that she was going to be engaged, this thought kind of gave me unease. Meanwhile, when we were sitting in her house. She came to visit us, and our eyes crossed. I felt something really weird, you know the feeling when you lock eyes in the eyes of thy lover and all that fuzzy stuff. Well, I felt it right there.
Although I kept my composure, it was later that I felt the sheer realization that it’s gonna cause a lot of grief and inevitable pain which I was looking forward to. I heard that she was getting engaged and according to her family practices, they usually get married to people representing the same family crest.
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
This can be very discerning but it was not the only thing that would annoy you. It was my age as I was 19 and she was 26. Yeah, this can get awkward, but to me age, doesn’t matter when it comes to Love. So, I decided to talk with my dad about this, and he told me if only you were older. But that’s not the primary issue. The issue here is their cultural practices allowed their females to be married into the same household crest.
Imagine a woman, who probably loves someone, not me, and she can’t marry someone she wants to be with. Just because she must get married to someone relatively a distant cousin to her to save their face or conform to their ritualistic practices.
On my way back, while I was in the car; I felt a sheer amount of pain in my heart all of a sudden.
“Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen; I had a heartbreak.” — I know the feeling, It hurts and it definitely sucks.
But the worst thing about it is that you can’t hold in your tears which I fairly tried to not make a scene, as “Men don’t cry.” But I still did for a few 20–30 seconds and then when I reached home. I went into my room and tried to recollect, analyze what had just happened to me. At first, I was worried but I quickly came around to assess my feelings.
Afterward, I confronted her through text; yeah I know. I talked to her that night, about what I felt which she really desecrated, by replying with this message,
“So you were talking, and caring for me all this time, because you liked me.” — I actually didn’t understand what she was referring to.
I was just asking what she felt about me perhaps when I told her this. I wrote to convey my internal feelings. But this was her statement, that made me feel a bit irritated. But I told her it’s okay my bad, I was just joking; I wasn’t.
I wasn’t worried about the rejection of my unaware feelings for her. I just wanted to get this weird feeling off of my chest, and so I did. Afterward, when she started to kinda annoy me. She does that, a lot or used to. I said Goodbye and I went to sleep.
A few days later, we received her wedding card, stating her marriage on day X. I was happy honestly, to know that she is accepting towards her fiance which is another story altogether, but yeah. So, we visited her home and I worked with everyone in the preparation of her wedding with the other household members. I was fairly overjoyed, fairly composed. Though I was relieved, that at least I had confronted my feelings that were unraveling beyond my comprehension. Thus, I kept on going towards with my calm attitude.
The wedding came, we arrived at the Marquee where the function was being held. We met her family and friends, we congratulated her. We stayed there until the end of the marriage ceremony. While I and my family was sitting we all felt this unease and well I wasn’t the only one who felt that heartbreak. As I already mentioned, we treat every single one like our own. Thus, we Love every single one who comes to our home. That Love was the tension we all felt, seeing her becoming more and more distant from us.
In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is a very essential component when it comes to family. It fosters feelings of care, longing, nurturing, understanding, and vice-versa. This wasn’t a feeling of heartbreak, perhaps it was a feeling of loss. A loss of a loved one to be precise. At that moment, we knew that we lost someone really close to us. We knew now we won’t get the opportunities to have the many events we enjoyed together. The Birthdays we celebrated, and the adventures we relished together.
Knowing, realizing and accepting this fact; I looked towards my father and said,
“I think it’s time we leave.” — We all agreed and thus stood up saying our goodbyes looking one last time at the beautiful bride and the future that awaits her with blessings and notions of love.
My family went towards the car, and I told them that I’ll be coming in a second. I stood there for a while with a few tears in my eyes, looking at her for one last time removing the feelings of love that had manifested in my heart. I wanted to say Goodbye to her, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t anything to say, anything to be told or felt. It was perhaps unrequited or even an infatuation created in the mind of a young teen, classified as a child. It didn’t seem unfair, as I let alone a sigh. But then I smiled knowing and remembering the beautiful moments we shared in our family’s reprise.
I’m sure, I was happy and thus I smiled with a peal of laughter wiping my tears, with joy as I turned around saying my Goodbyes and the feelings of Love that I had as blessings for her new life.
We never actually learn to love, perhaps as a child. We perceive and understand subconsciously what makes us filled with joy. Pain does give us the certainty that delivers us with the gift of tolerance, and perseverance. Somethings are manifested by nature’s will or by the acts of others around you that influence your mind and soul.
There are many people that you will love out of necessity, care, affection, desire, wants, and needs. Some will reject, disregard, demoralize, destroy, and divide your love. Each is an experience that you need to explore. If you want to understand what lies beyond the notions of Love.
“The word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” — Carl Jung
For me, however, I have given my Love away to everyone I have ever known, some accept it and some don’t. It’s perfectly alright. More for you guys, and girls who might be reading this. Know this, that you have everything under control. If you lose yourself in the notions of love, that is gonna be really self-destructive for you. Don’t lose the control you have on yourself. It will only make you a puppet of fate and destiny is a cruel, crude one that will cause you a lot of self-harm.
No matter how promising it may look beyond the horizon, always knock on the bridge before you cross over.
There are many things for me to learn about Love, however its a subject that I learn about every day. The lessons I have learned over the years have been ample enough to have helped many people that have walked in my life. And I have healed their wounds and sent them back into the world that shunned them twice as strong to battle those odds.
Love for me is self-sustaining, I believe. Sometimes, When you accept and love yourself. You find it hard to find another that would love you as you love yourself and everyone around you.
“But remember, the search for those people is on.” — All of us with whom we are destined to be with, our people. We will become one single family someday. It’s the struggles, obstacles, pain, and idle moments of joy that make this journey a satisfying one.
So Don’t give up, You won’t find the one; yet you will find many. Because you were created in pairs(plural). So there are many people in this world that you will love and be loved by. Keep taking a chance for Love, it will save a life.
Thank you for taking the time to follow through, and read this anecdote. I hope, I leave you with a few satisfying life-lessons.
Stay Blessed and Stay Safe!
With Love❤
