Summary

The author reflects on how wealth has changed their relationships with two friends who started with humble beginnings but later became successful and wealthy, leading to a shift in dynamics and connection.

Abstract

The narrative explores the evolution of the author's relationships with two individuals who have become wealthy over time. The first friend, a cousin, shared a childhood in the same town and reconnected with the author in adulthood, bonding over a similar taste for mischief and socializing. The second friend, met through an arts organization, was an entrepreneur who built her success from a punk rock clothing store and had a keen eye for aesthetics that resonated with a diverse clientele. As both friends accumulated wealth, the author observed a transformation in their interactions. The cousin, who suffered a personal tragedy, became increasingly focused on business and financial matters, while the entrepreneurial friend moved to New York, became an Instagram influencer, and seemed to prioritize her fashionable lifestyle and social media presence over their previous depth of connection. The author mourns the loss of intimacy and genuine exchange that once characterized these friendships, questioning whether wealth has eclipsed the friends' hearts.

Opinions

The author perceives that wealth has altered the nature of their friendships, making them more superficial and less emotionally connected.
There is a sense of nostalgia for the quirky and creative aspects of the author's friendship with the entrepreneurial friend before she became wealthy and moved to New York.
The author feels a disconnect with their cousin, attributing the change to both the cousin's personal loss and his increasing wealth and focus on business.
The author implies that the entrepreneurial friend's move to New York and her subsequent lifestyle changes were a manifestation of her growing intolerance for their original shared environment.
The author suggests that the cousin's wealth and association with a wealthy family have made him less relatable and more self-absorbed.
There is an underlying belief that money can change people, potentially leading to a loss of shared values and interests that initially bonded friends.

Does Big Money Change Our Relationships?

Or are we all evolving into new lives

Photo by Rodolfo Sanches Carvalho on Unsplash

This is a tale of two beloved people.

One is my cousin who used to iron his bills before placing them in his wallet. He and I grew up in the same town.

The other friend I met on the Board of an Urban Arts Organization.

Neither of them was born with a silver spoon.

The friend who became a successful entrepreneur pulled herself up business by bootstrap, with some genuine luck and good instinct, starting with a punk rock clothing store.

She had a remarkable aesthetic sense. It appealed to young hipsters and aging wanna-be hipsters who aspired to appear younger.

I loved how creative and quirky my friend fashion-wise and her taste for art, music, and literature.

We both liked dark art, including one piece an artist friend created. It consisted of an enlarged, cropped photo of a roadkill wolf superimposed over an abandoned psychiatric institution with turquoise-painted walls and an orange cracked mirror.

My rich friend was the only person who agreed to temporarily store the artwork when my partner and her daughter insisted the creepy wolf be removed from our home.

I always considered the artwork a statement about the destruction of mental health and gentrification.

Anyway, my fashionable friend and I were close over the years. She liked to talk on the phone. I preferred taking walks in green spaces or down by the lake.

I’d often go with her to check on employees at one of the many bars and restaurants she’d opened. We always had a drink or two.

As her notoriety grew, so did her collection of accolades.

The shift in our friendship happened as she amassed more money and became a major influencer on Instagram. On our walks, she often posed beside ponds, flowers, trees, graffiti, and anything else that caught her eye.

I snapped photos at her request. She immediately sent them to her followers.

The constant interruptions made talking about anything substantive difficult.

I can’t remember when she started obsessing about New York City. She was determined to move there. She started by buying a studio apartment. She gradually upgraded apartments as she became more intolerant of the Northwest’s outdoor adventure passion and clothing.

She wanted to live at the heart of fashion and culture.

When she moved to NYC, our friendship became more distant. Maybe the shift had nothing to do with money as much as geography and circumstance. In my mind, I entwine distance with her high-class life

Every time we talked she made fun of Northwesterners who were clueless about fashion.

“In New York, people carry umbrellas and wear fashionable clothing in the winter.

“Northwesterners dress like they’re on a perpetual camping trip,” she often said.

Despite her snarky comments, I miss her quirky humor, hats, and her youthful spirit.

My other rich friend is my cousin. We grew up in the same town — good friends who often fought as kids. He was two years older and more socially adept, and I wanted his approval.

As a teenager, he smoked weed, drank, and frequently partied. We were distant then. I was into cleaner sorts of mischief.

I began experimenting with alcohol and cocaine in college. I never much liked weed. It felt like a forest, growing in my throat.

During those experimental, expanding days, my cousin and I became fast friends again. We liked to crash frat and sorority parties in our small town.

He had a girlfriend who lived in Santa Barbara when I enrolled at UCSB in my junior year. My cousin found a job in SB for a year or so. We spent a lot of time together then. I had eccentric college friends he found entertaining.

My friend went off to get an MBA, and I went to live abroad. I remember him sending cartons of cigarettes when I lived in Paris to help me win over the social liaison of the Alliance Francaise School. She set me up with visits to rich French families looking for American guests for concerts or dinners.

My cousin and the SB woman broke up and his next girlfriend, whom he married, was from an extremely wealthy California family.

My cousin and I stayed close for years as he became a successful businessman. Over the years, my cousin earned more money, and his wealthy in-laws were increasingly generous.

In the meantime, my cousin and his wife experienced the unthinkable loss of their toddler son. It took years for the two of them to process and accept the sweet boy’s cancer tragedy. My friend used alcohol to numb.

I stopped drinking due to a cancer diagnosis. My cousin pulled away — not wanting to have to think again about cancer.

He amassed more money as the years passed.

These days, I seldom see him. When we talk or email it’s always business and how much money he spends. I don’t feel any warmth, curiosity, or interest from him. He talks about himself, his family, and his travels.

I have no proof money eclipsed the hearts, of my two friends, but I have a strong gut instinct it’s true.