Does a Woman’s Worth Decrease the Older She Gets?

Our society may reward youth, but at forty-nine years old, I feel more “worthy” than ever.

A man once told me that a woman’s worth decreases the older she becomes. Come forty, she no longer wields the same power she did at twenty-five. Without her youthful beauty, men no longer compete for her attention. Her worth plummets.

This same man, aged fifty-five, maybe older — I don’t know — went on to tell me how ignorant women are of this fact. Older women don’t realize they’ve lost their worth, and still, they demand to be treated the same as younger women.

He complained specifically about how women in their forties and fifties wanted to date him just for his money.

“They don’t realize they’re no longer in a position to interest me. They have nothing to give me. They don’t have anything I want.”

Of course, I disagreed with him about a woman’s worth increasing or decreasing depending on her age. I don’t believe any human being loses or gains worth throughout their lifetime because of how old they are.

I laughed politely as my conversation with this man wore on. Our paths had crossed at a party, and before I knew it, we were discussing this subject.

I’ll never forgot how he looked me up and down, assessing me like I was a product he could buy.

Sometimes I grin and bear a conversation that makes my skin crawl for the sole selfish purpose of writing about it later.

I also found it ironic that this same man was trying to pick up on me. This, while I was a forty-five-year-old woman.

He didn’t know I was forty-five though. He thought I was in my early thirties.

I’ll never forget how he looked me up and down, assessing me like I was a product he could buy.

“You look, I don’t know, thirty-two,” he said.

No, I was the same sort of woman he was disparaging — past my reproductive prime, therefore “useless.”

I was also a forty-five-year-old woman who wanted nothing to do with him. And yet, because he didn’t know how old I was, he was interested in me.

He disproved his own theory.

I never told him exactly how old I was.

Age doesn’t determine one’s worth. One’s humanity does.

Our society may celebrate younger women for their looks, but this doesn’t mean a woman loses her worth because she’s aged.

Age doesn’t determine one’s worth. One’s humanity does.

I remember how the man at the party that night also went on to talk about how women become more desperate as they age.

“They get clingy because men don’t want them anymore. If younger men do want to date them, it’s only because these women are so easy to get into bed.”

Younger women, on the other hand, are more difficult to have sex with. That’s the only reason younger men go after older women.

As a recently divorced woman, I was, in fact, dating a lot of younger men.

I don’t doubt that I was “easy” to get into bed during that period. I’d been in an almost sexless marriage for years, and so I “desperately” wanted pleasure.

I also no longer felt constrained by social rules. In short, I no longer gave a shit if people considered me promiscuous or not.

Instead, I felt free to go to bed with men simply for the pleasure of it.

I wanted nothing else from men in return — not love, not a commitment, not money.

But I definitely wasn’t going to bed with younger men because I was desperate. Conversely, I felt less desperate than I’d ever felt in my life.

Sure, I wanted to meet men, but not because I needed their approval or validation.

I had finally grown up and gotten past the phase where I judged my value based on whether a man wanted me or not. I no longer wanted a relationship just to have one. I no longer needed a man to commit to me to feel like I was worthy.

There’s nothing more off-putting than insecurity. And there’s nothing more attractive than self-esteem.

For this reason, I would even say that men wanted me more during that period, if only because I was confident.

At twenty-five, while I’d been beautiful, I was also an insecure basket case.

There’s nothing more off-putting than insecurity. And there’s nothing more attractive than self-esteem.

I never saw that man again but I’m sure he still possesses his ill-formed beliefs about how women devalue as they age.

That’s fine. I don’t care if it’s a wide-held concept, that younger women have more value.

I don’t buy any of it. I’m a middle-aged woman who feels more confident than I’ve ever felt in my life and thus more content with who I am.