Do you want to become a more loving person, but don’t know where to start?

5 Effective Tips on How To Become More Loving

The following five tips will help you increase your capacity for love. Though there are many different interpretations of what it means to be “loving,” we’ll define it here as feeling empathy and kindness for others, without expectation of anything in return.

Here are 5 ways to begin:

Practice mindful breathing.

Whenever we get overwhelmed or frustrated, all the tension in our body gets stuck there and doesn’t have time to drain away. Instead, it accumulates in our muscles, stuck like a traffic jam. In order to open our hearts and minds, we practice mindful breathing. We breathe in as we focus on our breath, and out as we return our attention to the present moment. Each time we do this, we’re releasing some of the pain from the past or worrying about the future.

2. Notice your feelings.

Instead of trying to ignore the difficult feelings that might pop up (like loneliness or sadness), give yourself time to sit with them and explore them mindfully. What do they feel like in your body? What situations tend to bring these feelings up? Is there a time of year when you notice them more? If you begin to notice your feelings as they come and go, this helps you become more aware of what’s happening in your life, rather than just reacting to situations. This is the first step toward choosing how you want to respond.

3. Spend time with people who treat you well.

One of the characteristics of human beings is that we’re born to like other people, and we’re also born to love our parents (and all mammals are instinctively programmed to become protective parents). But life can be so busy, and our interactions with others can be so fleeting, that it’s very easy to slip into a confusing cycle of wanting something from someone without expecting it in return. When people aren’t kind or attentive, it’s normal for us to become frustrated or hurt. On the other hand, when someone is kind or attentive towards us, this feels good. As we practice becoming aware of what’s happening in our lives, we can see how it feels to spend time with people who treat us well. We’ll naturally want more of this.

4. Actively listen to your loved ones without trying to fix them, critique them, or find solutions for them.

Just listen with open curiosity and compassion. Appreciate the fact that what they’re saying is being said, and that you have a chance to be a part of it. Don’t jump in to offer advice or solutions. Just sit back and let them speak, without judging whether what they’re saying is right or wrong. In doing so, you’ll find that this turns your relationship with them from defensive to supportive, from manipulative to authentic. You’ll find that you can trust what they’re saying, learn from it, and open yourself up to their advice in a way that feels safe.

5. Spend time thinking about what makes you happy.

Many times, our unhappiness has less to do with the circumstances around us than it does in how we perceive them. We can see this in how our daily decisions are often determined more by what we expect the future will bring than by what actually happens in the present moment. While this is certainly true for most people, there are people who are able to enjoy life because they’re always able to see past circumstances through the lenses of present-day reality. If you’re the kind of person who is always striving for something better, you might benefit from taking time to reflect on what makes you happy. If there’s something that truly makes you happy, why don’t you already have it? What could be preventing it from happening? And if there’s nothing that can make you happy, what would it really take to be able to find joy in the present moment?

Becoming More Loving is a choice. While we’re all born with certain predispositions, we have the ability to choose what we do from moment to moment. So, don’t just hope that you’ll become a more loving person — have the courage to take the first step yourself by implementing these five tips.

Just start with a small step — a step towards a simple but beautiful goal of unconditional love for everyone and everything around you — and let it grow from there. It might not happen overnight, but if you give it enough time and effort, you’ll be able to notice the difference in your relationships with others and in how well you know yourself.

Wishing you love and light! 🙂

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