Inspiration and Life

Do You Want It or Need It?

Tell a want from a need

Who knows what you need in life better than you?

If you’re like many of us, surprise — it isn’t you! At least not yet. Too many of us give little thought to what we need and confuse our needs and wants. Needs and Wants are NOT the same things!

Let’s discuss the difference to understand what is truly important in life.

I value it, but do I need it?

Like everyone else, you value many things. Some of the more important in today’s world include family, friends, job/career, home, car, hobbies, etc.

From where does this value originate? What makes these things so important to us?

Underlying the things we value are our deeper needs. These needs drive our wants, desires, and behavior. To understand them and ourselves better, we need to unearth them so we can see them.

The best way to explore these wants, desires, and needs is to find the right questions to ask. Before developing the questions that will help you see your life more clearly, let’s discuss the difference between a want, a desire, and a need to eliminate confusion between them.

Wants and desires vs. needs

Let’s first differentiate between a want and a desire. Each word expresses a degree of longing for something or someone. A desire is a stronger and more intense longing that can continue to grow over time. A want is a less intense longing and is shorter in duration.

We want and desire many things in our lives, like a new home, a new car, a vacation, or our favorite food or flavor of ice cream. Yet, we can often do without these things or scale back with little or no consequence.

You can even view a want or desire as something you can put off indefinitely. In other words, wants and desires are nice to have but optional. A want or desire, when filled, can provide only temporary or short-term satisfaction.

On the other hand, a need is far different than a want or desire. A need is something you require in life. Essential needs are things like air, water, food, and shelter. Without them, you cannot function, much less stay alive for long.

A met need leads to longer-term fulfillment, while an unmet need can create considerable discomfort and distress in life.

Beyond essential needs, have you considered what you need in life to thrive? You likely need a job to earn money to provide for your family. Who doesn’t need relationships, such as a good marriage and friendships, for all they add to life?

Here are some examples to help you further differentiate a want from a need:

• You need transportation; You want a high-performance, expensive car.
• You need food to survive; You want ice cream.
• You need rest and time to recuperate; You want to take a long cruise to New Zealand via Hawaii.
• You need to work to provide for your family; You want to work at a high-paid, prestigious job.

These needs are more important than any want or desire. Not getting what you want might lead to short-term disappointment. Yet when your needs are unmet, the result is ongoing struggle and distress.

When you meet your needs, it can lead to deep satisfaction and peace. Met needs lead to fulfillment.

The Importance of Needs in Life

What do you need to live a life of lasting fulfillment and true significance?

Your needs point to what is important to you. You will occasionally have glimpses of your deeper needs as you go through life.

For example, most of us realize relationships are essential. As the old song says, “One is the loneliest number.” Yet, how often do you stop to realize the significance of relationships in your life? They make life worth living and so much more.

What about time? Each of us has the same amount of time on any given day. Time is your most precious and limited resource. Sure, you can think about time when pressed on a deadline or something urgent, but what about right now? How important is your time in a regular day, doing ordinary things?

The importance of what we value

You naturally care for your vital needs like air, water, food, and shelter. But what do you need to live and thrive at the deepest level? Your deeper needs come from within and connect with what you value.

From the deep value you place on being a good provider and responsible person comes the need to support those you love by earning money to take care of your family. From the values of caring, loving, and sharing your life comes the need for a peaceful, happy relationship with your spouse, child, and close friends.

What else do you value dearly? What need connects to it??

Thriving

Your intangible needs come from who you are at the core of your being. To understand these needs is to become more aware of who you want to be, leading you toward a meaningful and fulfilling life.

One of the wisest things you can learn is understanding what you truly need. Out of your deepest needs comes the key to what makes you thrive. Uncovering these deep needs helps you align who you are with who you want to be. Once you understand what your soul needs, you can avoid the short-term, quick fixes that slow you down on the journey to fulfillment.

Knowing what you truly need will help you develop the strength to delay those more immediate wants or desires and build wisdom and patience. This can also help you better understand your purpose in life and allow you to move toward it more easily.

Let’s take a few minutes to uncover some of your deepest needs. The following exercise will provide you with invaluable insight.

Needs Exercise

Here’s a key to living a more meaningful and fulfilled life: Let what you must have take precedence over what you want.

Or, put another way, live to your needs, not your desires.

Give some thought to what you need to create a meaningful and fulfilling life. What do you value? What is most important to you? Who would you put yourself in harm’s way for, even if it cost your life? What would create great stress if you had to do without it?

For example, some of my needs include:

1. My faith
2. Good relationships with my wife, family, and close friends
3. Supporting my family
4. Meaningful work that helps others improve their lives
5. To spend my time wisely

I suggest using your journal for the following exercise so you can look back at it from time to time.

List at least five of your deep needs below:

1. __________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________
4. __________________________________________________
5. __________________________________________________

Now that you have a needs list, please answer the following questions:

• What do I notice about these needs?
• What values connect with these needs?
• What impact do these needs have on my life?
• Who in my life is affected by my needs?
• What can I do to ensure I Fill my needs before my wants and desires?
• What steps will I take today to ensure I fulfill these needs?

What other questions can you add to this list?

Final thoughts

Maturity comes from taking control of your needs and desires and becoming aligned with your needs.

Like everything in life, the better you understand yourself, the more you can work on your life, and the more fulfilling your life will be. Knowing and understanding your deepest needs and separating them from your wants and desires helps you ensure you are in control of your life. Now that’s worth fighting for!

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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