Do You Truly Love Yourself?

How do you know if you are being you, or what others want you to be?

As adults, we tend to alter who we are to fit the agendas of others, something we are taught while growing up.

We grow up believing that to be popular we have to act a certain way, if you want to sit with the cheerleaders and jocks — you have to toss your dolls in the trash and condition yourselves into the mold made for popularity.

I can remember being in 3rd grade and being bullied for being a “strange” child; I liked playing in the mud and collecting rock specimens, that was who I was – what I enjoyed.

The leader of the popular girls came to me and asked me, “Do you want to hang out with us tomorrow?” I remember feeling beyond excited; this was it; this is my chance to be accepted.

“What do I have to do?” I asked.

“You have to come to school tomorrow with a tweety bird shirt and a red scrunchie on your left hand,” she said, smirking.

That’s it? That’s the price I have to pay to be liked?

I went home and told my mom. Since we were poor, my mother decided to hand paint a Tweety shirt for me. I thought that would give me extra points — being creative and all. As for the scrunchy, I didn’t have one, but I used a red Christmas bow. When I arrived the next morning, I saw them standing in unison awaiting my arrival. Instead of getting the open-armed welcome into popularity — I got laughed at, chastised, ignored, and bullied worse than before.

All because I was trying to be something I wasn’t.

Do you love yourself?

Ask yourself this – do I love myself? How do we know if we love ourselves enough to be genuine to who we are?

If you find yourself continually toiling with relationships, and goals in life, It’s because you don’t value who you are, enough. You put yourself on the sidelines to please others before you please yourself.

Learning to accept who we are is tough, learning to love who we are, is much harder. But you need to recognize how to be true to yourself first.

What are some strategies we can learn to know the distinction between being ourselves and not being ourselves?

Say no, and mean it

I was the “yes” girl. Anytime someone asked me if I wanted to do something (that I didn’t want to do), I would say yes – not only to appear extra friendly but because I wasn’t secure in myself.

Learning to say no, is a way to develop a love for yourself, enabling you to stand your ground – be authentic to your emotions.

You may not even comprehend that you are putting yourself on the back burner by blindly saying no. You may just presume you are being “nice.”

Next time someone asks you to do something, or go somewhere, remember to ask yourself – do I want to do this? If you don’t, just say no.

Learn to stop fearing change, and step outside of your comfort zone

Have you ever wanted to go skydiving? Or change up the Friday nights out? Maybe, try a new dish?

We can get so overwhelmed with our rituals that we forget what we truly crave in life. We require motivation and self-love to step outside of our comfort zones – and we forget that, without realizing it’s due to a lack of confidence in ourselves.

I’m not saying sell your home and travel, however, to develop a deeper understanding of self-love, we have to give in to our desires sometimes. Everyone should reinvent themselves from time to time.

Frequently we avoid these changes because we are afraid of our desires. They seem unattainable to us because of our low self-esteem.

I started to treat myself once a month to activities such as a spa day, going to a rock-climbing wall. I got a tattoo – just to give in to my desires because I deserve to treat myself.

When you allow yourself to step out of your norm, you are also allowing yourself to put your needs at the top.

Are you a people pleaser?

I have probably drained my savings more than once from lending out money knowing full well I wouldn’t see a penny back. I did it because I wanted to make others happy, regardless if it hurt me. While I thought I was helping, and being genuine. I was actually being a coward. I wanted to say no, but I didn’t allow myself to put me first.

It’s ok to give, to be kind, to share what you have just to make someone happy. However, if you know, you can’t afford it, then why are you doing it?

If you don’t want to wear your great grandmothers dress at your wedding, don’t. If you are tired of protecting the feelings of others, at the cost of your own, you aren’t loving yourself entirely.

Try to remind yourself daily what you are worth. I like to write myself love notes.

Learn to stop thinking before you speak

Have you ever been with a group of friends, and you want to comment on a subject, but you’re afraid that it might offend someone? Or, it will make you sound stupid?

Unless what you want to say is mean or unjust, then say it. Without even knowing it, you are putting yourself at the bottom; you’re allowing the perception of others to dictate who you are. Speak your mind — your words have value, your ideas and statements are yours, and they deserve to be heard.

What I like to do each morning is voice my opinions in the mirror. I stand in the bathroom, look myself in the eye, and start ranting about how I feel, and what matters to me. It is a great exercise to get acclimated to voicing your opinions.

Why we need to love ourselves entirely, to get the most out of life

I have struggled most of my life with my self-image, embracing my strange likings, being comfortable in saying no, and virtually, loving myself.

Who are we, if we are not ourselves?

When we take on other personalities to impress others, or when we devalue essential pieces of who we are just to gain acceptance, are we being appreciated? Or, is a skewed rendition of ourselves being valued?

We may not even realize we are doing it; unfortunately, its something we most likely have been doing our entire lives.

We all have troubles when it comes to truly loving ourselves; that’s natural. However, until we can learn to love ourselves first, and entirely, we won’t get and can’t expect the love we deserve in return. Because that love we want and need is going to a false copy of who we are. It is a complicated process to understand and accept our flaws, our personalities, our desires — and love ourselves for them.

If we don't love who we are, then who will?

It took me years to not be concerned with what others think of me, by one, learning to love myself, and two, realizing that most people have the same issues with self-love. And being true to yourself could also make others feel adequate enough to do the same.

Takeaways

There is only one you. You are an individual, not a soul alive can think, act, and look just like you. Your uniqueness needs to be recognized and praised.

When we realize the importance of self-love, we can view the world for what it is, the people, for who they are. We can begin to make our own choices in love, friendship, and within our family, to better ourselves instead of worrying about how your personality will affect someone else.

Self-love is the most important trait we can have, and while it isn’t as easy to obtain, it is possible. They say the best things in life aren’t comfortable, the best things in life come with hard work, are you not worth that? I think you are.

Learn to love yourself.