Do You Take Your Marriage (and Your Spouse) for Granted?

Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of active effort in maintaining a marriage and suggests seeking external help, such as coaching, to improve it.

Abstract

The article, authored by Lesli Doares, stresses that many individuals inadvertently neglect their marriages by not investing the same level of attention and effort as they do in their careers. It highlights the severe consequences of a failing marriage, such as emotional upheaval and potential loss of assets and daily access to children. Doares points out that women often initiate divorces, and a lack of action to improve the relationship can lead to unexpected separation. The article advocates for proactive measures, like marriage coaching, to enhance the marriage, drawing a parallel to how one might seek professional development in their career. It encourages couples to utilize available knowledge to strengthen their relationship, suggesting that the effort could prevent marital decline.

Opinions

Marriages are at risk of failing if not actively nurtured, similar to how a business can fail without proper attention.
The impact of a marriage ending is compared to the disruption of losing a job, with the former often being more devastating.
There is a call to action for individuals to recognize that their marriage may not be as healthy as they think and to acknowledge areas for improvement.
The article suggests that men, in particular, may be unaware of their wives' dissatisfaction and the potential for divorce.
Counseling is presented as a valuable tool, despite common reservations about its intrusiveness and cost.
The idea of marriage coaching is introduced as a beneficial investment, akin to having a career mentor or personal coach like professional athletes do.
The knowledge to improve marriages is readily available, and the article challenges readers to have the courage to seek it out and commit to using it.

The knowledge about what makes marriage work is out there. Do you have the courage and commitment to seek it out?

As a small business owner, I have to think about the state of my business a lot. If I don’t pay attention, it will fail. You might think about your job pretty frequently too. But how much thought do you give to your marriage? Probably a whole lot less than it needs.

Losing a job is painful and disruptive. Losing a marriage is devastating. More than likely you will have to move. You will lose half of your belongings and your assets. If you have children, you will lose daily access to them. And it is relatively much easier to find a new job than a new partner. But way too many people put their marriages on autopilot. Do you?

Are you prepared for your marriage to end? Nothing thrives on neglect and your marriage is no different. If you aren’t taking specific action to keep it alive and well, you could be setting yourself up for a rude awakening.

“It’s not that bad”, you say. My question is how “bad” does it have to get? Even if your description of your marriage is “it’s okay”, what does that actually mean?

To me, it means that things could be better. Even if you rate it an “8” on a 1–10 scale, that still means there’s room for improvement. And are you sure your wife would rate it the same?

I get it. You think she’s only focusing on the negative. She’s not seeing the whole picture. Even if you’re right, she can still decide to pull the plug and the rug will be pulled out from under your life.

The truth is that women initiate anywhere from 67 to 90% of divorces. The more educated the women, the higher the percentage. And if your wife has stopped asking for things to be different, beware. Unless you know for sure that all is hearts and flowers, she may have given up and is planning her escape. A request for a divorce should never come as a surprise. But to many of my clients, it does.

These men aren’t bad guys. They love their wives and are stunned things have reached that level. And, statistically speaking, turning things around once the “d” word is mentioned is like winning the World Series when your team is down 3 games to none. Not impossible but really difficult.

Maybe she has mentioned the “c” word — Counseling, and you’ve resisted. It’s expensive. It’s intrusive. I mean who wants to talk to a stranger about feelings and problems. And if it’s another woman, well you’re just going to be ganged up on.

Why can’t you just work things out yourselves?

For the same reason you don’t remove your own appendix.

I would like to recommend another “c” word — Coaching. LeBron James has at least three personal coaches, not to mention all the ones connected to his team. It’s why he’s one of the best in the world. He understands that others have knowledge that can benefit him. He gets that investing in himself is worth the time, effort, and money it takes.

You’ve probably received education and training to do your job. You may even have a mentor to help you advance your career. Doesn’t your marriage deserve the same?

The knowledge about what makes marriage work is out there. Do you have the courage and commitment to seek it out?

Read more from The Good Men Project on Medium:

About Lesli Doares

Lesli Doares’ mission is to leave no one behind on the relationship battlefield. She is committed to having men be included, respected, and loved as husbands and fathers. She is a Marriage Coach and Communications Consultant in the Raleigh, NC area. You can learn more at www.theherohusbandproject.com or join the Good Guys, Great Husbands Facebook group. Her free Get More Connection and Intimacy Roadmap is waiting for you!

Do You Take Your Marriage (and Your Spouse) for Granted?

The knowledge about what makes marriage work is out there. Do you have the courage and commitment to seek it out?

11 Mistakes to Stop Making in Your Marriage

Even in an argument, you don’t want to forget to respect and honor the woman you chose to marry.

Break Toxic Communication Habits With the STFU Method

Stop making it about you. Make it about them.

How To Respond to Your Emotional Spouse Without Making Things Worse

Trying to correct someone else’s emotions is a recipe for destroying your relationship with them.

Join Medium with my referral link - The Good Men Project

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

About Lesli Doares