Do You Strive For a Life Others Will Envy or You Will Enjoy

Do you prioritize your bank account or making it count?

I watched the film “Titanic” for the first time when I was very young, and I remember being confused about two things. One, why did Rose tell Jack she would never let him go seconds before letting him go (I clearly didn’t understand the difference between literal and figurative speech yet). And two, why was Rose so sad, sad enough to end a life most people spend theirs striving to reach?

She had gowns, jewels, and grand plans for the future. Sure, the life mapped out ahead of her wasn’t of her design, but at least she had security. When your childhood is characterized by insecurity, you can’t easily understand why anyone would give that up.

As a child, I may not have understood Rose’s desperation to escape a life of luxury, but I could see the contrasts even then. With Cal, Rose was bored. With Jack, she felt challenged. With Cal, she was refined. With Jack, authentic.

One man offered her safety and the other spontaneity; one life was of duty, and the other of passion. Rose had a choice to make. She could stay safely in her cage and live a life many would envy, but she would despise or break free and live a life many would judge, but she would cherish.

Though she wavered in her decision, she ultimately followed Jack’s advice to “Make it count.”

Few of us are born into wealth equal to Rose’s, but many of us make a similar decision whether we realize it or not. There’s a particular path in life that has been deemed societally safe, at least where I’m from in California. It looks like this: go to the highest esteemed college you can, study something of personal interest but only if it’s lucrative, graduate and dive straight into your career or continue in academia because more degrees often equals more money.

Then, once you’re really rich and likely really in debt, you’ve made it! You are living the American Dream. May the odds be ever in your favor.

When I went off to college at seventeen, I didn’t realize I was already making decisions for my adult life. Of course, I was naive, but I was only dutifully following the rules of my upbringing. Adults didn’t want to accept I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I was an excellent student, so I had to keep studying, so I could figure out the specifics of my career later.

I never asked questions.

Do I want a career? Would I rather work to live or live to work? Do I even want my entire life mapped out at seventeen?

I chose a life of security, money, and conventionality without even noticing I had made a choice. But then, I moved to Italy.

For the first time, I did something different, and it was the most terrifying time of my life. Of course, I thought about my friends continuing to graduate school and wondered if I would massively regret following my heart over my head. People envied me when they thought I was moving to Italy for work and judged me when they found out it was for love.

I even judged myself. People think choosing the path less traveled by is a straight shot to liberation, but it is a winding road of fear, self-doubt, second-guessing, and confronting your deepest insecurities. However, yes, it is also the path to profound joy.

I didn’t give up a trust fund or a set-for-life career when I decided to trade tradition for adventure, but I finally made a clear and conscious choice: no matter what anyone else thinks, I will follow my heart.

Think about the lifestyle you dream about, the one that catches your attention, and maybe even the one you envy. Now ask yourself why you want it. Are you in love with an illusion or a reality?

If it’s a reality, consider what you will have to sacrifice to get closer to it. Is it a paycheck? An impressive job title? A comfortable lifestyle that makes you feel safe even if it doesn’t offer fulfillment? Sacrifice is always a part of the change, so you have to decide if what you want is worth what you will have to give up.

Last but not least, ask yourself one final question and answer it with brutal honesty.

Are you more concerned with your bank account or making life count?

I’m not saying you can’t care about both, but only one can be your priority because whatever you choose will guide all of your big moves. One will lead you to think with your head, and the other with your heart. Risks aren’t always rational, but are they still worth taking?

Like Rose, how you answer determines how you live the rest of your life: bored or challenged, refined or authentic, safe or spontaneous, dutiful or passionate.

I only have three words of encouragement: make it count.

More Medium? Get unlimited access here. Your membership directly supports me and all of the other writers you enjoy. Thank you!