Do You Silently Judge Me From Your Computer Screen?

We need more acceptance, understanding, and love in this world

We meet people from all walks of life, especially here on Medium. You engage with people that you might not in your daily life.

We read articles that we may not agree with. Does judgment creep into your mind when you disagree?

We are predisposed to judge. Some say it is part of our human nature.

What does judgment mean?

Judgment: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

Do you think it’s impossible not to judge?

What a sad question, right? I do think it’s possible to judge less. When the thought creeps into my mind, I am quick to shut it down now.

I wasn’t always this way. We are wired to have judgment.

When I would drink, I would engage in shit-talking with my friends. I hate admitting that now because that is NOT my character.

I am not perfect, but I try my hardest to not talk about people in a negative light anymore.

But, that doesn’t mean that thoughts don’t still creep into my mind.

I refuse to engage in negative banter back and forth online, though. If I don’t agree with something or if something makes me angry, I just click out of the story.

If I have nothing positive to say, I stay quiet.

Some people thrive on arguing their points, but it makes me anxious and I don’t want to feel terrible about myself, which is what would happen after arguing.

That is what negative engagement does to me. So, I stay out of it.

I also hate conflict.

Being broken down, hitting bottom, and climbing my way out of despair and back into the real world, has taught me a valuable lesson.

Judge less. I try not to judge at all and I tend to get upset now when those thoughts arise.

Who am I to judge?

It’s not my place to talk about others’ differences.

Sobriety baked me a big ‘ole slice of humble pie. I am no better than anyone else.

When I read about someone that lost everything, I think, “That could be me.”

The same goes for someone going through a divorce, breakup, drug addiction, grief, homelessness, being fired from a job, or going through a horrible disease.

If you don’t know me and see the word “sober” in my profile name, do you automatically judge me? Humor me and tell me in the comments, because I am curious.

Do you think you are better than me because you have just one cocktail and call it a night?

You might. You have every right to your thoughts and emotions.

But, do you voice your judgment?

This, I believe, is where judgment needs to stop. We need to be mindful when those thoughts creep in and pause before we react.

Sadly, I have judged people that were worse off than me in their addictions, when I was in the trenches, too.

But, my point is, that we can all learn, grow, and evolve in our behaviors. We don’t have to stay stuck in judgment.

We all know the sayings…

“You can’t understand someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”

“Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.”

“You never know what someone is going through.”

It’s important for me to remember that everyone is different and we don’t have the same experiences, trauma, joy, or grief.

When I was drinking, I didn’t think highly of myself, so while hanging out with friends, I would engage in negative judgment against others. I am not proud of that but I’m being honest.

We can always change and evolve. So, the next time you read a story that makes you cringe or negative thoughts arise, think of how you can be empathetic.

How can you respond in a positive way?

If you can’t or won’t change your perspective, then move on.

Don’t talk about these people to your family. What good will come of that? Nothing but remorseful feelings from judgemental behavior.

If you don’t agree with someone’s life choices, that’s fine. We don’t all have to agree on everything but before you judge, take a look at why you are judging.

Are you projecting your own insecurities?

The next time I find myself with a judgmental thought, I am going to try to understand why the person is the way they are. Looking down on others is not something I want in my daily life.

We need more acceptance, understanding, and love in this world.

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Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele