Do You Often Take Things Too Personally?
Here is how not to do this
In the public library, I stand in line for applying for a new card. A librarian in distance waved to me to show that she could help me right away. So, I walked to her. Then, a weird scene occurred. Every time I took one step forwards, she went backward, as if she was running away from a virus.
Why was she so nervous? Should we talk with hands and feet at a distance of 5 meters? We both were wearing a mask and I am fully vaccinated.
At this moment, the idea of “Asian hate” crossed my mind, but she and I both are Asian people!
So, am I too sensible? Why do I often take things too personally?
Those questions circulated in my head and made me upset.
After doing research and thinking over it, I finally figured out that my feeling has nothing to do with the librarian. It originated from my ego who can’t endure the gap between expectation and reality.
I thought that as a librarian, the lady should act enthusiastic, but in opposition, she showed a look of rejection from me, which disappointed me. My ego felt hurt.
But the lady in the library might have a bunch of reasons for her behavior. Perhaps she is physically vulnerable so that she is more susceptible to infection more than other people. Or she didn’t feel good on that very day. Or she is a patient with autism.
All of these would cause her to stay away from strangers.
There are so many explanations! Why did I just pick the worst one against myself?
Even if the librarian was a bad person, it would be her problem. When she treated her customers badly, it would be her mistake.
Why did I punish myself for her mistake?
Therefore, I have learned something from this experience.
1. It is not about me
If the other people acted not in the way we wished, they must have their reasons. And it is not about me, it is about them.
2. Don’t expect that others know automatically what you want
Other people are not roundworms in your stomach. How could they understand your thoughts and expectation? As the librarian, she didn’t know that I already got fully vaccinated. If she knew it, maybe she wouldn’t get too nervous.
3. Don’t attempt to change other people
If you want to change others, you are crazy; but if you change yourself, you would be God!
More than 7 billion people are living on the earth. Each of them is unique. Nobody has the right to change another person’s behavior. If you want to change other people, change yourself first.
Since we can’t change others, we have to accept others for who they are and that in return we can ask them to accept us for who we are.
4. Don’t let any comments change your life
You are valuable. People can think of you for good or bad. But neither will affect your value or your life course. What matters is how you see yourself and whether you are comfortable with yourself.
To conclude
Nobody would attack you without reason, but they could annoy you if they behaved badly or treated you in a wrong way.
However, if you take everything seriously, you only achieve that you target yourself for anything that attacks your ego. If you act in this way, you are only harming yourself and distancing yourself from others.
Learn to laugh yourself!
“Those who don’t know laughter probably know sadness, and it is even more complex.”
Javier Marias
Thank you for reading! If you want to read more stories about controlling emotions, please check the link below.
