Why You Should Stop Postponing Happiness
4 questions to identify postponing habits in your life
A good friend of mine asked me this question. At first, I was a bit confused, but then I started to think about this question.
What does this mean? When I speak to people in their sixties, fifties, or even younger, some are as young as myself — 34; they come up with the idea that they will start to enjoy their lives only when they are retired. They would get rewarded for all their hard work afterward as they could be:
- traveling,
- caring for their children,
- working out,
- starting their “real business” as an artist, following their real purpose or any equivalent.
The most famous phrase here is “when they are retired”. This phrase is simply a place maker as it follows the common “I will be happy when…”.
By doing this, you will postpone your happiness to the later stages of your life.
And we will come to this later on.
In Germany, you would have to stick to your current behavior and “endure” this phase of your life until the age of at least 62.
“Is this a life you would enjoy?”
This concept doesn’t sound that appealing to me. Accordingly, I decided to look into several aspects of my life and of that of my nearest surrounding. It is still striking what I observe there. Through my coaching lessons, I know that the brain and subconscious mind love structures.
If you train something long enough, this habit will accompany you for the rest of your life. Just think of something like brushing your teeth (I hope you do — not for myself but your loved ones), riding bicycles, reading, speaking, or even kissing.
That leads me to an in-depth analysis of the behavior of myself and other people around me. In many discussions over the past years, I got the impression that alongside myself, people were planning to do things or to act differently only after achieving a specific goal.
They were again postponing their happiness or gratitude or linking their feelings to a not yet existing situation or future outcome.
Let’s move from the theoretical part to real examples.
1. How do you eat your food?
This question might confuse you. But it is a fundamental approach to analyze the structures of your brain and subconscious mind. You confront these two with these structures every day.
Just think of your favorite food. Can you see it in front of your inner eye?
I have to confess that I would choose Pizza. Yep, I know — it is not healthy. Nevertheless, it tastes great.
Which way would you start to eat a pizza or your favorite food? Would you start with the best (for me, it would have been the inner part of a pizza) or start with the least favorite?
I found out that I always started to eat the edge first, and by that would save the best for last.
How does it work for you? Do you save the last slice of “beef” for last, or do you prefer to eat the side orders first? Please replace the “beef” with the most appealing part of your dish if you are not into “beef”. Or if, for instance, the dessert is your favorite part of a menu, would you eat it first?
Yes, it sounds strange, but the funny thing is that in the past, many people, including myself, would have “rewarded” themselves for their “work”.
And as already mentioned, your brain and subconsciousness love structures and tries to generalize these patterns. They try to transfer these structures to other parts of your life.
I invite you to test a different behavior here. Eat everything in the opposite order. Start with the dessert. Do not save the best pieces for later. Eat the most appealing ones first.
And you will observe another great side benefit. You will enjoy a change in your behavior, but your subconscious mind also plays a great trick.
You cannot eat everything on the table anymore. You unconsciously set the structure that with the best thing saved for last, your hunger had to stop. Now while you eat it first, it means that your appetite has to stop earlier.
Try it ;).
2. Do you enjoy watching Hollywood movies with the well known “hero” plot?
In Hollywood movies, you can often experience all well-known plot. You see a completely normal human being with an ordinary, yet not too thrilling life. Then suddenly, something exceptional happens, and the average life turns into something crazy.
And in the movie, you can see the protagonist trying to struggle back to normal or to a slightly better life. Just think of movies like Interstellar, Indiana Jones, or even Apollo 13.
Do you see any parallels in your life? Let me give you some hints. Do you remember the time when you were a kid? Or do you see kids around you?
They typically try out new things, are not afraid of failing, and observe everything with open eyes. They simply enjoy everything they do. And if they feel bored with one part, they simply move to the next great adventure.
Then there is the time of growing up. You had to go to school, either being a good kid or, like myself, making desperate efforts to gain ground there.
Your surroundings, like friends or family, were either supportive or lived their own lives without telling you how happy life can look. And you cannot blame them for this. They simply didn’t know it.
And after starting your first job, seeking more and more money, you begin to question this process. Does it have to be this hard?
And where do you end after this journey? In a pension plan? What were your dreams again?
Why hustling your entire life without enjoying every step? Once, you might be too old to enjoy wandering on the beaches or through the mountains.
One day, your stories will be older than the ones hearing them, simply because you had no time to collect new memories in between.
3. Can you enjoy playing games without even trying to win?
In your childhood, only a few games were games without competition. If you kicked around a ball without a specific goal, it became tedious after a time.
The same also applies to plays like ludo or similar board games like monopoly. The simple process of enjoying the game itself seemed to be to non-satisfying.
But why? Can you imagine playing in the waves at the beach without a goal? Yes — sure! Because there is no goal. It is merely the pure fun you enjoy there.
Or can you walk through your neighborhood, beautiful landscapes, or alike without listing to music or chatting? Can you enjoy the silence?
There is nothing to win here, besides the impression that the moment itself is excellent.
Can you enjoy the view from a mountain? Without setting your next goal?
I invite you to try playing games without a goal. Just enjoy the moment without giving your best at this time, and do not think about the outcome.
4. Can you feel great on the way to specific goals before reaching them?
Last week, a good friend asked me what my goals in life are. I was surprised by this question, but I answered with full conviction:
“How nice would it be if you were in love with a great partner, and in my case playing around with a Large Swiss mountain dog, having serious discussions around personal development and philosophy, and experiencing other great things that do not cost a lot of money? Besides that, wouldn’t you exclaim in delight at owning a house at sea or near the mountains?
It surely would be great if you would own a bunch of cars and some additions to your watch collection? And I put the phrase “how nice would it be…” in front of all these wishes. I do not connect my happiness to any of these goals. It simply would be nice.”
My friend asked me: “How do you finance your great dreams?”
“First of all, the most important things do not cost a lot of money. The other dreams shall come with ease and lightness into my life. But do not get me wrong here. I am not expecting these things to come to me while I meditate on solid stone. Simply because I do not believe that this is possible.”
He continued to ask: “I also have a lot of goals. I would love to travel around the world, drive nice cars and own a lot of houses!”
“Well, there are a lot of great ways to reach your goals.
In my case, I choose one that I can enjoy while walking the path. I had too many struggles already.
I choose to be happy and only to do things that work together with my deeper beliefs. If a path does not suit these general beliefs, I will drop that.
There is no retirement plan for instant happiness. I want to feel gratitude, enjoy all steps on the way and not only after reaching the end. And trust me, the money will flow your way when you put your heart into your work. When you ask me, what to do in your life, I reply that you should find something that makes your heart jump out of pure joy from the very beginning. There is no need for struggle. Even your life may be easy to live.
You may want to live now instead of when you are retired.”
