Are You Indulging in Procrastination?

Do You Know the Difference Between a Healthy Indulgence and a Bad Habit?

After six months of binge watching Netflix I began to see that my behavior was not just a healthy indulgence.

Have you ever noticed how when we use the word “indulge” we are more often than not talking about a bad habit? We don’t indulge our need for health food, we indulge a sweet tooth. We don’t indulge in exercise, we indulge in relaxing, we don’t indulge in respectfully correcting someone who is talking trash about someone else, we indulge in reading the latest gossip magazine and share whatever gems we learn with other people.

The original meaning of indulge isn’t the same as reward, it’s to “treat with unearned favor.” When we indulge ourselves, we do something just because it brings us pleasure, not because we earned it or deserve it. The things we indulge ourselves in, also aren’t productive, they get in the way of being productive. Eating an extra piece of expensive gourmet chocolate isn’t an indulgence if the person can easily afford it and has no reason not to eat it whenever they choose.

For writers, “indulging” ourselves often takes the form of finding ways not to write. We may put it in the positive such as I’m indulging myself by talking on the phone to all of my friends or even I’m indulging myself by doing my laundry. In my case, I indulge myself by binge watching something on Netflix.

Comedies, dramas, mysteries, thrillers, I watched them all. Not just watched, binge watched. Seven seasons? Heck, I could do that in a week. I’d always say, “Just one episode, then I’ll write,” but I can’t think of a time I only watched a single episode. I can think of times I watched five or even six episodes and four was closer to the rule rather than the exception.

Of course, my writing began to suffer as did my stats and earnings and I had to recognize the truth. Netflix wasn’t an indulgence. It was procrastination that had gone beyond just starting my workday a little later. It had become a bad habit that had started to torpedo my writing.

I could tell how much of a problem it was whenever I finished a series. I often chose which series to watch by how many seasons there were, assuming if it wasn’t any good then it wouldn’t have multiple seasons. So I became invested in the plots and the characters.

When there were no more episodes left to watch I often felt sad for a day or so, as if I’d had to say goodbye to friends. When it took a few more days to find a new series my anxiety began to build. Though for a while I refused to recognize this, I now can see that it had to do with not having anything to help me put off my writing and distract me so I wouldn’t have to face what I was doing. Without any shows to watch, I couldn’t prevent the thoughts from growing in my mind.

“Why aren’t you writing?” “You have a bunch of ideas written in your notebook you should be developing.” “You need the income so why are wasting so much time? Do you want to be on the streets?” “If you can become successful at this, you know your mood will improve. Instead it’s just getting worse and worse.”

The truth was, while I couldn’t guarantee a successful writing day that would alleviate some of the power behind these thoughts, I definitely wasn’t going to have a good day by avoiding writing.

I became determined to recognize this pattern for what it was. But realizing it was procrastination wasn’t enough. I needed to understand what was behind it.

After some soul searching, I think I’ve begun to get a handle on a little of what is going on with this. I’ve come to realize that part of it has to do with disappointment over not achieving my goal of supporting myself through writing within a year. Another part of it is feeling like my writing isn’t much good or at least not any better than average (what writer doesn’t suffer from impostor syndrome?)

As I work through these issues and re-imagine my writing future, I have put Netflix on hold. Perhaps once I reinvigorate my writing life, I can use it as a real indulgence, something I let myself do once in a while. Better yet, after I break the habit, maybe it would serve as a good reward for writing a certain amount, if I can learn to watch a single episode at a time. Then instead of letting myself put something in my workday that is simple enjoyment not tied to performance, I can benefit from it.

For now, though, I am focusing on how to put the excitement back into my creative projects. Then I can hopefully succeed in making writing feel the way that it once did — like the most decadent indulgence of them all.

Thanks to Darius Foroux, Elle Kaplan, and Lauren Salkin.

If you enjoyed reading this article, you might also like these:

You can find links to my other work on Medium and follow me here. Thanks for reading and for supporting Mental Gecko