Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery

Have You Heard About Lingus? I Hear She’s Really Cunning

The Dynamic Duo

I first met Tori when I was 14. She was a bit shy. I met Lingus when I was 16. We all became immediate friends. These two go hand-in-hand. Lingus doesn’t go anywhere without Tori. I know these two like I know myself. Between the three of us, we are inseparable. We do, however, require at least one other to complete the circle or Lingus isn’t particularly involved. She just hangs back. Then it’s just Tori and me. Sometimes Bob. That’s okay too.

So, who is this special couple? Why are people talking about them? Exactly what makes them so cunning? And what makes them so goddamn special to get their own Medium article?

The Relationship

The best way to describe their relationship is that it’s a give and take. Lingus loves to give while Tori loves to receive. It’s a win-win for both. Tori is the sole object of Lingus’s affection. Without Tori, Lingus would be a bit lost. Without Lingus, Tori might end up shit out of luck. Different strokes for different folks.

Why So Mouthy?

Tori’s a bit complicated. She even has books written about her. Explicit videos. She’s all over the internet. Step-by-step instructions. Both men and women talk about her all the time. How special is that?

Tori doesn’t say much until she does. She is an introvert. She hides behind her hooded cloak most of the time. But Lingus is incredibly mouthy. This is actually a really good thing.

Lingus is particularly skilled at bringing Tori out of hiding. When learning this dance, it can be very intimidating, especially for the novice. It takes courage, stamina, strength, and patience to coax Tori out but those who are well acquainted with Lingus can be quite successful. Together, they really open up for those having a hard time, in need of some TLC. Sharing is caring.

Why Considered So Cunning?

The first reason should be obvious, by now…

Witches. Together they’re sorceresses. They cast potent spells on others, driving even the strongest mad. A lot of people are familiar with Lingus but only so many make the grade. A lot go down in flames chasing Tori, that ever elusive and highly desired magical entity.

Lingus is very competitive. Even aggressive at times. Especially with poor training. Word of mouth is not the best way to learn. She’s very selective in who gains her wisdom. Despite Lingus’s seemingly forceful demeanor, she is actually very sweet. She is nice, soft, warm, and friendly.

Origin

Tori is from down south on a peninsula called Gina. You may have heard about Gina. It’s a pretty popular tourist attraction. Lots of people visit it regularly. Everyone has visited there at least once in their lives. Tori’s source of magic is located at the top of a really deep well on Gina. You could say it’s the fountain of youth. Travelers should be cautioned that the trip can be long and arduous depending on the time of month. Monsoon season comes around every 28 days.

Now That Hits the Spot

Unfortunately, Tori’s not particularly all that optimistic because so many have failed to successfully reach her destination. Too much badmouthing or not enough practice. In the instance that someone is lucky enough to capture her magic, she goes wild. She’s hard to hold still and keep quiet. Pillows work. A strategically placed hand. Just play nice. A dead Tori is bad for everyone. Furthermore, her magic regenerates. The possibilities are virtually limitless. Depending on how far Lingus is willing to go, Tori can go all night long.

Cream of the Crop

They made it to Medium! What an honor! Why? Well, it’s kind of like finding a leprechaun’s pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The Holy Grail. The Mona Lisa. The celebrity couple. My knowledge could actually make me a few cents?

Mostly because I am very personally acquainted with these two, so I consider myself a bit of an expert in the subject. I’m obviously very familiar with both. Lingus is so very good to me. Amazing endurance and impeccable skill. Follows instructions very well. Finds Tori every time. (Bob’s got my back if needed.) And I don’t have to travel to Gina. She’s right here on my globe. Right here on my equator.

Conclusion

In summary, I told you about the relationship between Lingus and Tori. I explained this dynamic duo. I told you what makes them so special. I explained why they’re talked about so much because it’s this magical thing that is so damn hard to find. I told you where you can find Tori if you’re looking for her. Gave you some sources that may and may not be helpful.

I hope that you’ve learned something. Perhaps that you have a lot more to learn? Anyone trying to get to know Lingus really well will recognize they always have more to learn. Depending on whether you’re more familiar with Tori or Lingus, you may have things under control. All that information on the Internet may not be wrong but everyone’s different. Tori isn’t the same for everyone. Neither is Lingus.

Final Thoughts

I will leave you with this…

* Practice.

* Patience.

* Endurance.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Want to hear a bit more about Gina and how things can go very wrong? Read here:

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Vagina Scorned

Follow me on Twitter (X) and connect with me on LinkedIn!

I also have a website: www.thepoweroftheellipsis.com