Are You Blinded By Self-Sabotaging?
Tips on how to manage stress and monitor your behaviors to get out of a self-sabotaging rut.
“Addiction, self-sabotage, procrastination, laziness, rage, chronic fatigue, and depression are all ways that we withhold our full participation in the program of life we are offered. When the conscious mind cannot find a reason to say no, the unconscious says no in its own way”
-Charles Eisenstein
Have you ever gotten so close to a goal, quickly doubted yourself, and failed because you didn’t think you could do it? Do you talk to yourself negatively in your head and think you aren’t worthy of success?
If you’ve felt this way, you were experiencing self-sabotage. Sadly, this affects your self-confidence and your relationships. Being mindful and modifying your behaviors can bring positive changes into your life.
Speaking as an adult that has struggled with self-esteem since I was a child, it is easy for me to now spot the ways I self-sabotage. Back then, it wasn’t recognizable.
My self-esteem issues began when I was a young child, probably the first time my mother called me a “fat pig”. Disgusting, right?
No wonder I had issues.
Low self-esteem can turn our lives upside down. When this starts at a young age, it’s difficult to train your brain to think positively.
From my earliest memories, I never thought I was good enough. I wasn’t good enough for my mother’s love, the boy at school that I liked didn’t like me back, and I was picked last for the sports team at school.
Remembering these times made me think about a diary I kept in grade school. I drew ugly pictures of myself with degrading captions. I wish I could go back and hug that little girl, telling her it would end up all being alright.
When someone tells you that you aren’t worthy, time and time again, you start to believe them. This is especially true if you are a child. And, even more, true if your mother is telling you these things.
I think the key to getting over the chains of self-sabotage is believing that you can be successful. You need to get out of your own way.
What are some reasons that drive us to self-sabotage? Why are we like this?
Low Self Esteem
Like I said earlier, it is hard to believe in ourselves when we don’t think highly of who we are as people. Feeling this way can push us away from our goals because we believe that we aren’t worth it. Motivation is low and breaking through the cycle can be more work, so we stay stuck in these behaviors.
Blaming others
If you don’t take ownership of your wrongs, and always blame others for your failures, it keeps you from moving forward in your life.
Trying to be someone else
As a society, we are always comparing ourselves to others. So, naturally, trying to be someone else makes you feel like a fraud and sends you deep into self-sabotage.
Negative self talk
Thinking about ourselves in a negative way and talking down to your innermost self definitely stems from low-self esteem and takes it further. When you think negatively about your self-worth, self-sabotaging is the next, natural step.
Procrastination
We all know that procrastination just makes things worse. You constantly put things off, making a mountain of takes to complete, which puts you deeper into the misery of self-sabotage.
How do we recognize and change these behaviors?
If we don’t do this, we are pushing others away and withdrawing from our life, when in turn it can be a beautiful, glorious thing!
Identify the behaviors and write them down
Keeping track of our time and low self-worth can be very beneficial in changing our behaviors. If you are procrastinating a task over and over, jot it down and do a positive task to counteract the procrastination. If we are thinking low of ourselves, document it and write why we are feeling a certain way.
If you think you are going to fail at something, recognize why you are feeling this way and what you can do about it, instead of sitting in self-loathing.
Do something that enhances your confidence
We are all good at something. Whether it is cooking, art, writing, exercising, etc., it’s a good pattern to start you on your way to increasing your self-worth.
Realize that you don’t have to be perfect
The saying “progress, not perfection” rings true. You will get stuck in a rut if you are trying to be perfect. No one is perfect and perfection is an unattainable goal that will lead to self-sabotaging.
Identity where these emotions are coming from
Again, write this information down when you make your list. If you are feeling stressed and that leads you to be complacent, understand that you came to this space because you were stressed. When that feeling comes up again, do something counterproductive like meditating or taking a walk to step away from the feeling.
Make small changes and set mini-goals
Small wins add up to bigger wins. If you need to get something done and it feels too heavy, start with just a small task that will lead up to completion. Say if you need to write an essay, just sit down and write a paragraph, and take a break to see how you feel after.
Talk to yourself with a positive voice
Being mindful of your surroundings and the people you connect with will allow you a positive space. If you are at work with people you loathe, give yourself a break to get into a constructive mind space. At the end of the day, you can list the things you are grateful for and things that you accomplished. Tell yourself you are worth it.
Overcoming doubt will help build little habits that tend to build self-confidence. If you start small, your little wins will ultimately put you in a different, positive headspace.
Just know, we are all worth it. The way we treat ourselves then reflects on how we treat others. You’ll notice that the quality of your relationships will improve, which in turn boosts your self-confidence and your life will get better.
Love on yourself, you are worthy of self-love and everything that follows.
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