Do You Cry Easily Because I Don’t

Summary

The author reflects on their infrequent crying, pondering its implications for empathy and strength, and attributes their emotional reserve to their upbringing and the influence of their mother's stoicism.

Abstract

The article "Do You Cry Easily Because I Don’t" delves into the author's personal struggle with a perceived inability to cry easily. Despite feeling deeply affected by sad stories, the author rarely sheds tears, leading to introspection about what this might signify regarding their empathy, sympathy, and emotional sensitivity. They recall their mother's stoic nature, who never cried even in the face of significant loss, suggesting a possible hereditary or learned aspect to their emotional expression. The author also questions whether their rare crying spells stem from a lack of self-pity, a trait their mother considered useless. While acknowledging the rarity of their tears, the author wonders if this is normal and notes that their spouse accepts this characteristic without concern. The article invites readers to share their thoughts on the matter, emphasizing the author's openness to different perspectives without being easily offended.

Opinions

The author is troubled by the infrequency of their crying, wondering if it reflects a lack of empathy or a strong character.
They believe their upbringing, particularly their mother's example of emotional restraint, has significantly influenced their own emotional responses.
The author suggests that their mother's disdain for self-pity may have been internalized, affecting both the author and their sister's tendency to cry.
The author values privacy in emotional expression, as evidenced by their sister's need to cry alone and their own preference for solitude during emotional moments.
They acknowledge an exception to their emotional reserve during a particularly traumatic event, the loss of a pregnancy, which led to a significant crying spell shared with their spouse.
The author's husband is described as being comfortable with the author's infrequent crying, possibly relieved by it.
The author differentiates their emotional expression from that of a high school friend, highlighting their contrasting sensitivities.
They pride themselves on their resilience in the face of job-related stress and fear, which they attribute to a practical mindset rather than a lack of emotion.
The article concludes with the author's curiosity about the audience's perspective on crying, while also setting boundaries for respectful discourse.

This is my addition of something you don’t know about me

I’m haunted by the fact that crying doesn’t come easily for me and I sometimes wonder what that means. Is it a sign that I’m not empathetic, or that I have little sympathy for others? Or could it be I have a cold heart? I don’t think that’s the case so what’s up with my lack of tears? And/or does it mean that I’m a so called strong person?

I honestly don’t have the answers, but I wish these off and on again nagging thoughts would go away. When I see others tear up when they tell a sad story, I sit there listening dry eyed. Oh their story will make me feel terribly sad, but tears will rarely flood my eyes. Instead I usually want to rush to comfort them.

I know some of my lack of crying is because of the way I was raised.

My mother wasn’t a person who cried either. I mean I never ever saw her cry. Oh she’d look sad, really sad sometimes, but I never saw her shed any tears. Not even when her best friend died, which was only about 5 years before she died. I remember I was kind of shocked that she even asked me to go with her to the funeral. I had anticipated she might cry there, but like the stoic woman I’d always known her to be, not one tear fell. Maybe she cried alone after I took her home, although I seriously doubt it.

I do remember there was a picture at my grandmother’s house (my mom’s mom) of a little girl faced into a corner crying with a puppy sitting beside her. I think the picture is a classic and it was still there when she died at almost 100, although she was moved to a nursing home two years earlier. Maybe this was indicative of how she was raised? Maybe she was taught that tears are useless so she was forced to mimic the little girl in the corner?

I know my mom thought self-pity was a useless emotion. She told both my sister and I that many times as we were growing up, so did that set the stage for both of us to resist crying? And if so, is that why we both found it nearly impossible to cry as adults? And this begs the question, are most crying spells from self-pity?

Surely these are questions that need analyzing by a professional, but neither my sister or I have ever done it. ‘Why’ I’m not sure, but I suspect we’re just used to this being our norm, so why explore it as adults?

My sister’s husband shared with me once that when his wife (my sister) cried she has to do it alone. I remember he said, “she’ll lock herself in the bathroom and wail.” He added that she wouldn’t ever let him comfort her either, which he thought was strange so he asked me if I was that way too, and I confessed I am, but I added that I will sometimes accept comfort from my husband.

The worst crying spell I ever had was after I got home from the hospital after barely surviving a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I remember I wanted to break down and cry in the hospital, but I was in so much physical pain that I willed myself not to. However, as soon as we got home from the hospital I let it all out and I cried for a long time with my husband joining me. It was the saddest time in our entire marriage and we both needed to let out the overwhelming heartbreak of it together.

But that was then and since that time I can count the number of times I’ve broken down and cried on one hand and I can’t help but wonder, is this normal?

My husband, Mr. Pam, just accepts this as part of my package and considers it no big deal. I suspect he’s secretly happy I’m like this because no husband wants to see his wife cry, right? Is there anything that makes a man feel more powerless than seeing the woman he loves crying. And the few times he’s cried without me, made me feel the same, but not so sad that I joined him.

Everyone who knows me knows I don’t cry easily. My best friend from high school once told some other friends, “if Pam cries it’s a HUGE deal. It’s like somebody must’ve died!” Well, in my defense, she cried over a broken fingernail so there was that. Actually it’s doubtful we would’ve been besties had we not grown up living close to each other because we were so different.

I remember as a fraud investigator several of my female co-workers would go to the bathroom and break down in tears from frustration on the job, but I never did. I think my attitude of ‘it all pays the same’ helped me get through the bad times because I don’t remember ever feeling like I wanted to cry. And I never ever cry when I’m afraid and there were times on that job that fear entered the picture. My mind was always too busy trying to figure out how to either escape, or how to defend myself to ever think of crying.

So what about you, are you a person who cries easily? Do you think I’m strange because I don’t? What do you think it means that I don’t cry much?

Please tell me in your comments and you don’t have to hold back because I’m not thin-skinned either. Just don’t try to piss me off because that will cause me to BLOCK you.

Writing Challenge

Do You Cry Easily Because I Don’t

This is my addition of something you don’t know about me