Do You Believe You’re Not Good Enough?

If so, I got something to tell you … It’s FAKE NEWS!!!

Where the heck did you get that notion you’re not good enough?

I can assure you two things …

• it wasn’t from reliable sources
• it was from people who believed they were not good enough

Most significantly …

It’s FAKE NEWS!

The Repetition Effect

Our “can’t get rid of you too soon” President believes if you tell the same lies enough times, people will accept it as truth. As excruciatingly painful it is to say, we are not so different from “the Donald” in that regard.

When we persist in telling ourselves the same lies about not being good enough, day after day, week after week, year after year, our belief in these lies grows stronger and stronger. To the point where we are absolutely convinced they are true.

We believe we are not good enough just as strongly as Mr. Trump believes he would have won the recent election if it wasn’t rigged.

Just as Trump will say and do most anything to prove he won, we will engage in the most bizarre, creative thinking to support our claim of inadequacy.

Me thinks it’s time to do some fact checking. Heads-up … you’re not going to find any evidence of your not being good enough, just like the Donald won’t find any evidence to pursue his ridiculous election lawsuits.

“Hear yee, hear yee. Case dismissed for lack of credible evidence.”

When It All Began

My earliest memory of feeling unvalued was when I was about three years old, crying out at night for a cup of water, to the deaf ears of both my mom and dad.

I have no idea where they were or what they were doing.

Maybe they were watching TV, waiting until the closing credits of the Ed Sullivan show before getting off the couch to check out what I was fussing about. And told themselves … “he can wait” as their eyes were glued to the 16 inch black and white screen, transfixed by the juggler’s adeptness at juggling swords.

Or perhaps my mom was in the midst of one of her frequent two hour marathon phone conversations with my Aunt Marion. God forbid she pull herself away from the phone in the midst of listening to yet one another gossipy story, to check out what my crying was about.

She had to have her priorities, no?

What message did I take away from this?

I’m not good enough.

What is your earliest recollection when you took away the message you weren’t good enough?

Give yourself a few seconds to envision it. To feel it.

The School Age Years

During school hours, I attended PS 109 in the Bronx. Subjects included math, English, social studies, and gym.

After 3 PM, weekends, holidays and summer vacations, I attended a very different school … “PS I’m Not Good Enough”

Subjects included “I’m not lovable”, “Let others define my self worth” and “Give up, I’m not worth the effort.”

I was a very good student, soaking up the subject matter like a sponge.

What school did you attend? What classes did you take?

The Adult Years

In 1975, I completed my doctoral program in “I’ll Never Feel Good About Myself”. My thesis title was “Methodical Strategies To Find Irrefutable Evidence of One’s Lack of Self Worth.”

My education was now complete. It was time to devote myself exclusively to applying all I had learned. And that I did, most effectively.

Especially so in my first marriage. Thirty four years of mostly unhappy times, culminating with divorce.

When times were good, my lack of self-esteem wasn’t so much of a problem. But when crisis hit, when my wife needed me to put myself aside and be there for her, that was a whole different story.

Case in point … when my wife had her first miscarriage. It was over 30 years ago, yet it seems like just yesterday.

It’s the middle of the night. I’m lying in bed, sound asleep. My wife wakes me up, very upset, telling me she’s pretty sure she’s having a miscarriage.

My wife needed two things from me. Emotional support and to get her over to the emergency room pronto. The latter, I did without a problem. The former, I failed miserably.

The best way I can put it is … “I wasn’t there.” I wasn’t emotionally present. Not for my wife, nor for myself. R2D2 from Star Wars would have been more “there” than I was.

That’s how powerful the effects of a poor self-image can be.

How has your self-image negatively impacted your adult life? Are there moments you wish you could take back?

Back to School

I’m now 68 years old. My, how time flies. About four or five years ago, I reached the point where “enough was enough.” I was sick and tired of not liking or respecting myself, and the unhappiness and stress that came along with it.

It was time for me to go “Back to School.” As with Rodney Dangerfield, it’s never too late.

I knew I needed to find a school with an entirely different curriculum than where I received my prior education. It took a bit of research, but I eventually enrolled in adult education courses at “The Institute for Self Worth.”

My introductory class was “How You Came To Believe You Weren’t Good Enough”. In this class, I learned I was always good enough. I was born that way and nothing has changed since.

I learned that as early as my toddlerhood, I was indoctrinated by my parents to believe I was inadequate. This wasn’t conscious on their part. They were taught to feel that way about themselves during their early years, and were only paying forward what they had learned. That’s all they knew.

I’m currently taking the class “How to Believe You’re Good Enough.” I can’t possibly overemphasize to you how much I’m enjoying and benefitting from this class.

I’m learning to see through the lies I was taught to believe about myself, replaced by seeing the truth. That I have so much to offer the world.

That I’m likable, lovable, a good listener, a supportive friend and husband, and funny, albeit a bit quirky at times. My writing coach says I have a folksy sense of humor, whatever that means … haha.

I can’t wait to start the final class … “The Sky’s the Limit”. I got a funny feeling I’m already off to a good head start. This class will be a blast.

Have you gone back to school? If so, what have you learned? How are you enjoying your classes?

I hope to meet you in “The Sky’s the Limit”.

Takeaways

Not needed. I’ve said all I wanted to say.

The article is good enough as it is. Not perfect, but good enough.

Just as you and I are.