Do You Believe in Ghosts?
Have you ever heard of “ghosting”?
So, do you believe in ghosts? Because I do. But here, I am not talking about those invisible phenomena around us.
I mean different types of ghosts. They are visible ones, having flesh, bones, and blood.
Have you ever heard of “ghosting”? Have you ever experienced it?
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace.
People respond to being ghosted in many ways, from feeling indifferent to deeply betrayed. Some believe that ghosting is inseparably intertwined with modern electronic communication, and the practice is a way to cope with the decision fatigue that can accompany dating. Others believe that ghosting is emotionally troubling given that it offers no sense of closure.
This is a modern way to stop communicating with someone. The “ghost” disappears without pointing to any reason or even without a word. There are lots of advantages for the one who vanishes. The “ghost” does not have to bear the emotional burden of explanation. It is much easier just to figuratively shut the door before the face of the other person and leave. It is convenient not to look in the eyes of the other.
When I say “modern” it is not completely true because there always have been people who prefer to escape instead of being responsible. So there have always been such “ghosts”.
The “ghost” pretends to be nonexistent. No calls. No messages. No emails. Silence. No taking of whatever responsibility. No complications or conversations. No numerous questions with inconvenient answers.
Nowadays, blocking the other person everywhere on social media where you have had contact is easy. It is another option for total escape. Maybe the full stop of the whole story without a real ending.
A communicational death. Is there such a concept?
But the result is that the one who is ghosted is announced to be “dead” by the ghost. This is not a physical but an emotional death.
This cowardly behavior is cruel and selfish. At least, I think this way.
I had a friend who ghosted me. We lived in different places, but we had very intense communication. We also met several times.
It was almost two years ago when we scheduled another rendezvous, and after that, at once, he stopped answering my calls and messages. It was weird because it was his idea to meet and spend time together.
Let me say clearly that we were just friends, no matter that I don’t want to underestimate friendships at all — on the contrary I think they are precious relationships that we should struggle to keep.
I am an outspoken person. I don’t understand underground behavior. It truly frustrates me.
But I trusted him. I believed with whole my heart that we were friends.
So I decided that there was a problem with him. I was afraid there was something wrong with his health or with someone he loved. I supposed he was too engaged with his job. Honestly, these things never stopped him before from contacting me. So, a little worm of doubt dug inside my mind and heart.
I admit now — I was looking for excuses for what was happening. I searched for reasons out of him. I believed these were unexpected circumstances.
I cannot imagine how today you’re a friend with someone, but in the evening, you decide never to contact them. Just a simple scratch on the person you pretended to be your friend. No need to say a word. No necessity to answer inconvenient questions.
No matter, you were close friends. Close? Maybe. Friends? Hardly.
If you care about the person, you would never act so faint-hearted and irresponsibly.
Silence might be a ruthless weapon. But as a frank person, I can never act like this.
The most ridiculous in this story is that he pretended to be an honest and reliable man. He always emphasized how significant dignity was. He told me numerous times how valuable our friendship was and how many times I’ve helped him.
Words. Words mean nothing when deeds talk.
And his deeds said something different from the things he pretended he valued.
I was confused for a long time because I did not know what happened. I did not know if we were friends or we didn’t.
We used the same media to publish some writing, so I saw he was as active as before and even commented on my pieces. The excuse for any personal problems was excluded immediately. It wasn’t a question of occasion but a decision. I had to see the truth. It was obvious. He ghosted me. He intentionally avoided contacting me personally.
I still don’t know why. I have some guesses but I am not sure they are sustainable.
Some months ago, I read about “ghosting” as a phenomenon and decided to write an essay on this topic, including my personal experience and painful feelings in my native language, Bulgarian. I felt pain. My memories of him are still unpleasant. I feel betrayed and abandoned.
He was so “kind” to leave me a comment.
Any excuse is needless. When people do what you describe, they have their explanations that sound logical and right to them, and sometimes they even think that this is the only choice. Of course that applies to them. For the other, silence and pain remain. This is the truth.
These words did not give me peace. They dug my wound. “Only choice” means nothing when you are safe and your health is okay.
I do not hate him. I realize now the whole truth — he was a weak man who did not want to bother himself with whatever partings. His behavior scorched my strong feelings towards him.
I blocked him. I feel free. I left him to stay there — in my past.
I would not allow the past to rule my present.
Not again. Not anymore. I feel better without him.
We are not responsible for the way others act, not even for their weakness and lack of dignity.
It is a burden on their conscience.
Thank you for reading this story.
If you’d like to see more of my stories, you’re welcome:
