Do This One Thing To Boost Your Self-Compassion

Pick up a pen and paper and let’s get started

I’m learning to be my own best friend. And let me tell you, it is really difficult. Compassion and empathy towards those I love, come naturally to me. Yet, for some reason, I struggle to muster up the same feelings towards myself. I know I am not alone with this.

As I continue exploring my own idiosyncrasies and traveling through the depths of my own thought processes and emotions, I am learning to be gentle with myself. I don’t always get this right. But I am trying.

I catch myself when I accuse my soul of failings. Failings which, I would never even think of as failings if it were a friend. I am learning to forgive myself for not achieving unrealistic goals.

If we can be our own best friends and truly nurture ourselves the way we do our revered friendships. Then we become someone with even more light to share with others.

Be Your Own Best Friend

Imagine the dialogue we use with a friend in need. The softness in our voice, the kindness in our words. Now consider our own internal dialogue to ourselves during difficult times.

Rejected for a job? Well, you weren’t good enough anyway! Split up from a partner? No wonder, you are so unloveable! Struggling to get through simple daily chores? You suck at life!

We can all get caught up in our brains. We can be categorically unkind and belittling to ourselves. Let’s learn to push away the negative dialogue our brain antagonizes us with.

We don’t give ourselves credit. We don’t recognize how far we have come. From year to year, month to month, and day to day. We are constantly growing, developing, and learning. Yet, very often, we don’t focus on all the battles we have overcome, no matter how small. We focus on all the battles still to fight. Or perhaps we are still dwelling on battles we lost many years ago.

So here’s what I would like to suggest.

Be Penpals With Yourself

Write to yourself. Think about the frequency, it could be an annual letter on your birthday. Or perhaps at the end or start of each year. Maybe you would benefit from writing every 6 months, or every quarter. Choose a time frame to suit yourself. Write to yourself and seal the letter. Do not open it again until the next time you write.

In this letter, speak to yourself compassionately. Open the flood gates and speak freely of your troubles. Describe what has your heart soaring and what is causing you to feel dread or anxious. Speak of recent events and how they made you feel. Reflect over the last few months and confide in yourself of all your hopes and dreams for the next few months.

Be your own cheerleader, what have you succeeded in, and what has gone well? What could have gone better? Dig deep into your heart and express your feelings. Maybe you have lost a friend, how does this make you feel?

However you write, write for you. This is for your own eyes. Let the words flow and do not be afraid. Listen to your heart. Tell the future you what is going on in your life right now. Remember, when you read this, you will be forever changed. You will be a new version of yourself.

There are no rules as to what to say or what not to say. But try and be balanced and cover both the perceived good and bad.

You may want to ask yourself questions in the letters, which will help your creativity when you reply.

• What does it feel like to be you at the moment?
• Is there anyone new in your life? If so what is their energy like?
• Have your family dynamics changed?
• What new adventures are on the horizon?
• What is the kindest thing you have done for yourself in the past few months?
• What is the kindest thing you have done for someone else in the past few months?

Write Again Before Reading

When the time comes to open your previous letter and read your own words, make sure you write your new letter first. Do not be influenced by the you from the past.

So, if you decide to write to yourself annually on your birthday. Set aside some time and start to write. Only when this is sealed, in an envelope, not to be opened for a year, can you open the previous letter. A written gift to yourself.

Prepare To Be Blown Away

The more open and honest you are with yourself, the deeper your connection with yourself will grow.

You will read of grave anxiety, which may have crippled you at one point, yet you barely remember it. This will teach you that you can overcome. Nothing lasts forever. Perhaps what you perceived as a negative thing at one point, such as being rejected for a job, turns out to be a blessing in disguise and it leads to better opportunities.

You will find perspective and recognize how you overcome obstacles. You will have a closer view as to how you develop as a person, flitting between passions and interests. You will discover your flow of growth. What piques your interest and entices you to explore further and what captivates you momentarily, never to be thought of again.

What Are You Waiting For?

So, figure out how often you are going to write and get writing.

By stepping back into your thoughts and feelings from the past, you will see how far you have flown.

Show yourself forgiveness and compassion. Speak to yourself from the past and the future, as you would a friend. Show yourself understanding. Heck, encourage yourself to live greatly. Dare yourself to live boldly. Tell yourself to be curious.

Remember, you have a personal investment here. This is your very own happiness you are influencing.

Ultimately, you will hopefully develop an affection for the remarkable person writing to you. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing. I always say, if I could have one wish in the entire world, it would be to have hindsight at the time. Wouldn't I be wise? Perhaps this is the next best thing.

Learn to be your own best friend and watch how this impacts all relationships around you. Feel your self-love act as a magnet for incredible people to enter into your life. Show yourself compassion and watch how this ripples out into your world.

Thank you for reading Ali Hall

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