avatarSherry McGuinn

Summary

Sherry McGuinn reflects on the post-election exhaustion and the odd thoughts that have occupied her mind during quarantine, touching on a range of topics from the trivial to the personal.

Abstract

In the aftermath of a stressful election week and the ongoing pandemic, Sherry McGuinn shares a lighthearted look into the peculiar thoughts and dreams that have been crossing her mind. From musings on the aesthetics of eyeglasses and the cultural impact of the Kardashians to more intimate reflections on her late father's birthday and the quirks of aging, McGuinn provides a humorous and relatable account of her attempts to regain a sense of normalcy. The article serves as a mental palate cleanser, inviting readers to share their own "nutty thoughts" and offering a glimpse into the author's personal life and writing endeavors.

Opinions

  • The author believes that large eyeglasses can make one's face look thinner, which is a playful nod to the trivial thoughts occupying her mind amidst the post-election period.
  • McGuinn expresses frustration with the quarantine's impact on her and her husband's routines, highlighting the monotony and cabin fever they are experiencing in Chicagoland.
  • She reveals her anxiety through her dreams, particularly one involving her mother and the detailed focus on painting fingernails, symbolizing the search for control in uncertain times.
  • The author questions societal norms and language, such as the spelling of "cum" and the resemblance of kiwis to vaginas, showcasing her candid and humorous approach to topics often considered taboo.
  • McGuinn is critical of smokers' obliviousness to their odor and the unrealistic portrayal of sex in movies, suggesting a disconnect from reality.
  • She is skeptical about the notion of "penis envy" and the societal obsession with the Kardashians, indicating a disinterest in these concepts.
  • The author expresses a preference for substance over superficiality, as seen in her disdain for the overuse of LinkedIn for sales pitches and her appreciation for well-written content.
  • McGuinn reflects on mortality and the afterlife, pondering whether dead people can see us and questioning the validity of foods claimed to boost libido.
  • She shares a personal connection to her father through the mention of his likely joy at the election results and acknowledges the continuation of life through the growth of hair and nails post-mortem.
  • The author promotes her other works and invites readers to engage with her writing, demonstrating her commitment to her craft and desire for reader interaction.
  • McGuinn's candidness about her frequent need to urinate and her speculation about Trump's body odor showcase her unfiltered and conversational writing style.
  • She ends on a self-deprecating note, acknowledging her own listicle contribution while reflecting on the absurdity of the current state of affairs.

Do Large Eyeglasses Make Your Face Look Thinner?

And other dumb-ass thoughts amid post-election exhaustion

Uh, actually, it does. Image by Gerd Altmann, Pixabay

Finally. After a grueling week and an even more stressful four years, it’s over. The election is done and in spite of what the soon-to-be-ousted-to-the-curb-on-Pennsylvania-Avenue jerk in the White House Believes, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were elected by the people, for the people.

All that said, most of us are probably taking some time to “regather” ourselves and get on with the work of living during this continuing pandemic. This quarantine is a mother. Both my husband and I are going crazy in Chicagoland. As a senior editor at a publishing company geared to the manufacturing industry, he had a couple of local bars he was able to escape to in the afternoon, which was a break for us both. Now, they’re closed, and really, there’s nowhere else to go.

As for me, my mind has been wandering to weird-ass places. As are my dreams of late. I’ve been dreaming about my mother, frequently. Last night’s “pot-boiler,” had something to do with her nails. She’d drawn a type of cameo over each one and we were in a quandary as to how to paint around the images without messing them up. Oh, our choice of color was a big deal, as well. We just couldn’t nail one down, excuse the pun. It was your typical anxiety-ridden dream. I have many of those. Hair and teeth falling out, fun stuff like that.

What the ever-loving F?

Anyway, I thought I’d keep it light this go-round and throw down some of the stupid stuff I’ve been thinking about as I attempt to catch my breath and move forward. Maybe some of you will relate. If so, feel free to add your own nutty thoughts.

  1. Is it possible to enjoy beans in, or with a meal without thinking of the “musical fruit?” Or, without blowing up like an over-inflated tire, after?
  2. Why is it spelled “cum?” Where the hell did that come from, this time, pun intended? I’ll bet James Knight knows. He knows all about sex stuff.
  3. Kiwis look like vaginas. The end.
  4. People who smoke cigarettes should be told that they stink. Maybe that would help them quit.
  5. I’m probably one of the few people who tosses the fortune and eats the cookie.
  6. Animals can see into our souls. So they’d better be damned good. Or as good as we can make them.
  7. When people have what I think of as “ass-pounding sex” in movies, why does the woman look like she’s loving it? BAM! BAM! BAM! Most of the fun is in the friction for F’s sake.
  8. In horror movies where a family is being demonized either by human or supernatural forces, why is the adorable, defenseless pet always the first to go? As a screenwriter, to me, that’s just effing lazy and my cue to change the channel.
  9. Lately, whenever I agree to “connect” with someone on LinkedIn, they feel they have a right to PM me in an effort to peddle some shitty course or workshop or book they just self-published. “Piss off, unless you want to help finance one of my scripts, in turn.”
  10. People who wear shorts when it’s forty-five degrees outside. What’s up with that?
  11. Is “penis envy” really a thing? I never heard of “vagina envy.” Yuck.
  12. Who gives a shit about the Kardashians?
  13. Size matters.
  14. As if death wasn’t creepy enough, our hair and nails continue to grow. Not a good look.
  15. Remember the guy who founded ILLUMINATION? Oddly, he seems to float in and out of this platform. When I visited his page for shits and grins, https://dr-mehmet-yildiz.medium.com/ there was a message saying that he “hasn’t written any stories yet.” Well, you can see for yourself. Weird, no? From what I recall, he’s written a boat-load. (ILLUMINATION writers, you good ones, anyway, can always consider The Top Shelf, as long as you realize we don’t publish typo-ridden, badly written crap.)
  16. There are a few sexy men on this platform, more like two or three, actually, who turn me on.
  17. Why do I have to pee every three minutes? Do our bladders shrink like everything else when we get older? Hydration, my ass.
  18. Melania Trump is probably having divorce papers drawn up as I write this.
  19. Just when you think you’ve seen a pharmaceutical ad for every condition possible, a new one pops up for a drug that treats curved or otherwise misshapen penises. Sorry, guys, but we have our own problems.
  20. Today is my dead father’s birthday. “I know that if you were alive, you’d be elated that ‘Trump the schmuck’ is going down. Maybe you do.”
  21. Can dead people see us? If so, why can’t we see them?
  22. I call “bullshit” on foods that are supposed to boost libidos. I never ate an oyster and wanted to get laid, after.
  23. I’ll never “make it” on Medium.
  24. I’ll bet Trump has BO. He looks like he could have BO.
  25. Shit. I just wrote a “listicle.”

© Sherry McGuinn, 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks for reading, guys. If you enjoyed this, I’d love for you to check out the following stories, as well as my newsletter, Sherry Raw.

Listicles
Humor
Post Election
Thoughts And Feelings
Life
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