Do I Need Non-stop Chats with my AP?

Quality versus Quantity

Chatting has been a pain in my ass over the past six months.

I love to chat. I’m very social. In my work life and personal life, I am an extrovert. I need that connection with someone.

If a person is in my life, I need something with them. Not talking at all is the death knoll. I don’t make an effort when I see no effort from the other party.

Over the months, I’ve learned much about sexting and chats with men about affairs. I discovered what I like, don’t like, crave, and must-have.

My Ashley Madison profile states that I need to chat and get to know the person. It’s obvious. That connection with someone is how I allow myself to meet up with them. It takes them from random strangers to someone in my life.

In the beginning, everyone is a chatterbox. Men and women. Everyone wants to show that they are the right person! The one that can give you what you need. Questions abound. Talks about life in general, hobbies, hopes, dreams, and promises galore. I got tired of that.

I started off very clearly asking about scheduling and availability. Why waste an AP’s (and my) time if we could never make it work. I also reiterated how much I wanted to chat. Again, I do not want to waste my time. I need what I need, and I won’t accept less ever again.

Or will I? More than a month has passed with the person I’m calling my AP. And I’m not sure if I need quantity or quality time with him.

When we started chatting, it was a lot! The world was still under some restrictions, and people worked from home. Many businesses were not allowing customers in or just not open. As an artist, his schedule was pretty relaxed at the time. I had lots of fantastic talks with him in the beginning.

We had an excellent first meeting in a hotel. My AP is attentive and sweet, and eager to please. I like him.

Lately, our talks started dropping down to less and less, much later in the day. So I started to get a bad feeling. This has happened to me before. People get what they want and then dump you. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but my rose-colored glasses have a few cracks in them. I can see that outside world.

Reasonable Clara knows that he’s got a family, a business, and has to actually paint to make a living. He’s got lots of shit on his plate. My plate is different. My job is pretty orderly, my family is grown, and I have spare time. Hence the painting and writing.

Feelings Clara can’t understand why he doesn’t just log on and say hi in the morning! That I’m thinking of you. How’s the IUD doing, still kicking your ass? Things like that.

I love his messages in my inbox.

Instead of dropping the hammer on our new relationship, I approach the issue with logic and reason.

• Is he texting at least once a day? Yes.
• Is he reaching out when he can? Yes.
• Does he ask how you’re doing and give you some idea of what is happening in his day? Yes.
• Does he talk with you about your body, what he’d like to do with you, sexy talk at all? Of course, he does.

OKAY. What is my problem if every issue is not an issue at all?

Fuck if I know. I feel like I need more. Maybe it’s my past coming back to haunt me. Perhaps it’s that I’m tired of being lonely. Pandemic blues?

Those are questions only I can answer.

Do I need quantity?

More would be nice. It’s like frosting on the brownie.

Do I need quality?

Yes. Because that is what makes me smile once I see his messages. That gives us a connection and me hope that it can be long-term.

Not a one and done.

So the hammer is staying in the toolbox and, I’m going with the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone is an asshole.

This sex demon might have some redeeming qualities after all. 😇😇

Where someone called me a Sex Demon…and my reply of course!

Taking you back to the beginning.