Do I Have Quirks?

I have OCD, so where do I start?

By nature, I have and always will be quirky. Just ask my husband who has been the bemused bystander of my crazy shit for so many years.

OCD. I’ve written about it in detail so I won’t go into the particulars here, but I will say that this disorder is a bitch and a half. To have horrible, disruptive thoughts day in and day out is tough to deal with. Hence the “compulsions” that a sufferer has to perform to dispel these thoughts. But I don’t want to get too dark here, so I’ll just dive right in.

At night, before I can comfortably settle into bed, the closet doors need to be shut. If there’s even a hint of a crack, I scramble out of bed to shut the damn door.

Among my daytime, at-home wear, I have pieces of apparel that are so worn, they’re literally falling apart. One getup, in particular, my husband calls my “Peter Pan outfit.” Raggedy ass shorts that are literally, falling off my hips and an oversized shirt. Sexy!

For people with OCD, clutter is a big detriment. It scrambles our brains and makes us feel out of control. The irony for me here is that I have more health and beauty products than your local CVS store, and that is an understatement.

Most of these products are still in their original packaging. Every one of our three and a half baths is stocked to the limit, along with our linen closet, etc. It is a hoard, but an organized hoard. The big quirk here: I rotate some of the products out, and, instead of tossing the ones that aren’t in use, I store them in a box in the laundry room. Every now and then, I like to look at them. Yep. Freakin’ nuts.

I try to keep a very rigid schedule and, if something interferes, like an appointment, I’m often thrown for a loop. I can’t miss my daily workouts, for example, as they keep me from being even crazier than I already am.

Our three cats get fed in the same order every single day. Boom.

I apply makeup in a very particular order. Boom. Bada bing.

When laundering clothes, I check the washer and dryer several times to make sure one of our cats isn’t trapped inside, even though they show absolutely no interest in the machines. Thank heaven.

I can’t make coffee in the morning. It HAS to be made the night before. (Why? I don’t have a job to race to.)

No dishes left in the sink. Ever. Screws me up, big time. The occasional cup, maybe. But not for long.

I’m constantly wiping something off, or up. I have a spray bottle of vinegar and water surgically attached to my hand.

I eat leftovers that are well past their prime. I paid for this in a big way a month ago. Not pretty, guys.

At some point, I started talking to myself. I’m sure the neighbors love watching me mumble to an imaginary friend while I fill the bird feeders. Usually, I’m just reminding myself of things I need to do. No biggie, right?

When I buy produce, it must be in bunches of five. Five bananas, five apples. Like that. Why? Because there are five entities in our household: My husband and myself and our three cats. Five is a “good” number.

My morning routine rarely varies. While I drink my coffee, I check the following on my phone: First, Twitter, followed by LinkedIn, Facebook, Gmail and then Medium. No particular reason. That’s just how I like it.

When I cook, I make way too much food. All the damn time. I don’t know who I think is going to eat it all, since my husband isn’t a leftovers nut like I am, but there it is. Yesterday, I was going to make two WHOLE chickens, plus extra wings and legs. My sister, bless her, talked me into freezing one of the birds. She is always the voice of reason.

When I’m alone in the house, I need the TV on. White noise and all that. I tend to think too much and I need the distraction. Even when I’m writing, I need a low buzz in the background.

Before I was involuntarily separated from my job, I would do squats in a bathroom stall.

My husband and I own more books and CDs and vinyl (yes, albums!) and DVDs and even VHS tapes, than anyone we know. We can’t bear to part with them as we figure, when we’re in our dotage and can’t afford cable — we’ll be set!

If I get a scary thought, I will repeat an action, like going in and out of a doorway, a certain amount of times to dispel it.

Top that one, fellow nut jobs!

As I think about it, I know I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg here, but, seeing as I want you to read all the way through, I’ll shut up now.

Here’s to being quirky!

Thanks for reading. And thanks to Robin Klammer for the idea. Yep. She’s quirky, too.

Sherry McGuinn is a longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

If you’re interested, here’s the OCD story I referenced earlier:

Please check me out here, too. (Along with some other wonderful writers.)