Do I get my 12 year old a cell phone?

Parenting milestones in the 21st century

The questions and decisions that parents in previous generations were never exposed to — it’s daunting.

Do I get my 12 year old a cell phone?

This question is the parenting decision my husband and I are navigating right now.

I used to think — I never had a cell phone growing up, my kids will be fine. I forgot to consider that while we did not have cell phone ourselves growing up, we did have a land line.

Now, we don’t — like many other Canadians.

Socialization is something my child struggles with on a “good day” as a neuroatypical child.

Recently, he started to ask to borrow my phone to call or text a friend and this became the catalyst for my husband and I to begin this conversation.

It’s a big decision — weighted more by the absence of technology in my life growing up. “I turned out okay,” I think to myself and a question mark raises above my head wondering if/why my child needs a cell phone.

“According to Common Sense Media, smartphone use has risen drastically among children. In 2015, only 11% of eight-year-olds owned a smartphone. In 2019, that number jumped to 19%. These numbers increase with age, with over 80% of children aged 14 to 18 owning a smartphone. Cell phones continue to be more prevalent in children’s everyday lives, with some parents having no problem giving their children a cell phone at a young age, while others are concerned about the effects they can have.” (What Age Should Children Get Cell Phones)

Obviously, I am in the latter group.

Combine with being an introvert and having little to no desire to talk on the phone, I am projecting my personality on this parenting decision.

The average age kids get a phone is between 12 and 13.

Apparently, we are right in the middle of this new parenting normal.

Excuse me while I take a deep breath. Parenting is hard — and complex…. inspiring and joyful all at the same time.

Responsibility

Like with all other milestones and any “right of passage” come responsibility. I have invited my child to share some rules that he thinks are reasonable for a cell phone and informed him we need to have a family discussion.

My husband and I don’t make decisions like this alone, even if we’ve had a conversation one-on-one with a child — we come together to discuss as a team and ensure everyone is on the same page before proceeding.

My child asked me to share my suggestions of what rules I had in mind. After listing those I could think of on-the-spot from charging in the kitchen by 7pm to who he might contact to caring for the device and keeping it with him, etc. he said “those sound good. I am okay with all of them.”

He continued, “Even if it’s one of those flip ones, I don’t need one with apps. I just want to call my friend without borrowing your phone.”

And, just like that, he let me know he’s responsible.

Oddly enough, just days ago I was writing about personal responsibility and sharing my frustration when it comes to this same child.

That’s the path to parenting! There are plenty of twists and turns and we’re not sure of the exact destination.

Or, are we?

If my child is healthy, happy and contributes to his community, that sounds like a pretty great place.

If a phone will help him feel more connected to his community, I guess the path forward is clear.

Next stop: the cell phone store.

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