Divorcing “God’s Man”: My Perspective on Christian Divorce

Don’t skip over the quotation marks around “God’s Man” in the title.

When you’re divorcing a man who demonstrates spiritual giftedness in any area of Christian ministry, you’re going to hear a lot of “Just stay the course,” “Trust God when it gets hard,” and “Marriage requires toughness” messages. The usual scriptures will be used to convince you to forgive, forget, and remain: Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4–6, and Matthew 19:8, 1 Corinthians 7:10–11, and 1 Corinthians 13.

However, context matters. There is a reason why the advisement in 1 Corinthians 7:15–17 exists. Because I am a woman, and a divorced Christian woman, I am speaking to women. You may comb the scriptures yourself to make applications to men. Here are Biblical contexts in which divorce seems to be reasonable, even scriptural.

1- Divorce Due to Adultery

Jeremiah 3:8 and Matthew 1:19 show us instances where adultery (even under the law) led to divorce. In Jeremiah 3, God uses the “certificate of divorce” to explain his separation from Israel and Judah after they were found “up on every high hill and under every spreading tree committing adultery” (Jeremiah 3:6). In this case, the relationship breached is the one between God and man, and the new “partners” are other gods.

But in Joseph’s case in Matthew 1:19, he is a man of the law who suspects that Mary has been unfaithful to him (because she has immaculately conceived). His resolution was to “put her away quietly.” The only thing that stopped him was a declaration from an angel in a dream (Matthew 1:20), which declared Mary innocent.

I’ll just tack on here (for good measure) Malachi 2:14–16, which makes it clear that God hates when men are unfaithful to their wives. There is a faction of contemporary Christendom that elevates polyamory and polygamy, but these practices are not praised scripturally; they are just references to what was done in church history. God clearly says that a man “Should be on his guard and be faithful” (Malachi 2:16).

If you forgive, forget, and remain regardless of your husband’s adultery, there are no guarantees that he will ever stop being unfaithful. Two extremely gifted men in scripture — David and Solomon — had terrible weaknesses when it came to women. We know that David in his lust raped and impregnated Uriah’s wife and murdered him to cover it up (2 Samuel 11:1–27). He also left a harem of ten concubines “Shut up until their death in widowhood” when his leadership was under threat (2 Samuel 20:3).

Solomon had OVER 1,000 lovers: wives and concubines (1 Kings 11). Though some men use this as justification for doing pretty much the same thing (having 3 or more different lovers every week of their lives), the Bible tells us that Solomon’s affairs with these women “Turned his heart after other gods” (1 Kings 11:4) and ultimately cost his heir most of his inheritance (1 Kings 11:11–13). For both David and Solomon, God levied severe consequences for their sexual dalliances.

2- Divorce Due to Sexual Perversion

Um, this is different from adultery. In some cases, the term used in Matthew 5:32 is translated sexual immorality. See more on this here. Under sexual immorality, we can assume a long list of trespasses for which divorce might be reasonable:

• Insistence on bestiality or other types of sexual perversion involving non-human species (See Hebrews 13:4)
• Insistence on polyamory, including swinging or sharing the marital bed with multiple partners (See Hebrews 13:4 again.)
• Marital rape or sexual abuse of yourself or other women
• Molestation or sexual abuse of your or others’ children

This is the shortlist, of course, but you are familiar with the many instances in which hiding the molestation or sexual abuse of children led to the destruction of churches and families. To forgive, forget, and remain regardless of your husband’s sexual immorality (particularly when acts against minors are committed) is questionable. I hesitate to say wrong because it is your choice, but in some cases, it is certainly illegal to keep his secrets.

3- Divorce Due to Violence

You are not obligated to die at the hands of your husband. Such a belief is contrary to everything God says a marriage should be. If your spouse is beating you, he is not loving you as his own body (Ephesians 5:28) or loving you as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Your quiet death at his abusive hand will bring God no glory, and it will not reflect the relationship between Christ and the church; these are still expected byproducts of the Christian marriage.

In this case, I do not advise you to forgive, forget, and remain. Instead, I advise going to your church to get help escaping your impending death. And, if your church leaders and family members will not support you, I advise running from them too. You can read more on this here, and I recommend additional research on this topic.

Put Simply…

There are instances where you have to leave your marriage to save your life or others’ lives. You can’t always forgive, forget, and remain, and you are not the guilty party if you have to dissolve your marriage to end the threats associated with adultery, sexual immorality, or violence.

As in all cases in life, the ultimate decision lies with you, but the Bible does not demand your victimhood. Neither do I. Neither should anyone else.