Divorce Has Turned Me Into a Promising Wannabe Badass

I’ve gone from “that’s okay” to “don’t screw with me”

I’m an avoider.

I’m the kinda person who doesn’t open a letter for two weeks because I don’t want to ruin my day. True story. My best friend begs me to open a letter from my mother-in-law.

“Just do it,” she says.

“I can’t. I have too much to do today,” I say. “I don’t want to be upset.”

“Just open it,” she says.

“But it’s addressed to Coleen with one L, not two and she doesn’t live here,” I joke.

To be fair, when I’m not an avoider, my other half is a badass.

I swear it really is.

I don’t let the average person screw with me.

But if you’re in my inner world, I will give you more power. I will let you absolutely wreak havoc in my life. I will let you rue the day I met you. I will let you control many aspects of my world.

But that was married, Colleen.

Divorced Colleen is a full-on badass.

Even to my inner world.

It’s the most emancipating aspect of seeking a divorce. It beats the “I give a sh*t” right out of you. Because you have far too much to be worried about. And too many judgmental people to keep up with.

Way more important things take precedence.

You’re trying to survive. You’re trying to get through an agonizing time in your life. It crystallizes your perspective. It can make a people pleaser become a ballbuster. It can make you send people packing.

I have no time for you or your sh*t.

It doesn’t stop some people from breaking your divorcing heart.

It just slightly insulates it.

During my divorce, people made me cry a few times. It’s shocking what people will say all in the spirit of supposedly ‘being helpful.’ I actually sat, listened, and took it.

But here’s what divorce Colleen did.

One night I was out and a woman I know said something rude to me. I looked right at her and said, “What is the matter with you? Who talks to people like that? Who says things like that? How would you like it if I spoke to you that way?”

And then I got up and I walked away.

Another time, I decided to quietly emancipate myself.

A friend said something to me which, again, seems to be a curiosity about divorce. Because it never happened to me before, I put myself in a position society believes they are worthy of judging. And the big mouths are usually the people who have no business talking about others because there’s so much going on in their own lives.

At the end of our drinks, we said our goodbyes.

At that moment, I told myself I would never sit with anyone who ever made me feel bad about myself again. And I haven’t.

I really broke bad at a part-time job I had.

I was full-on don’t give me any sh*t.

I looked at a manager and told them it was one of the most demeaning environments anyone could work in and that they severely mistreated their employees. I walked out and emailed the HR manager and never returned.

This isn’t anything like me.

I would have never, even at a part-time job, left under these circumstances.

To be fair, I don’t like seeing people be mistreated. I had more gumption in me because of it. I will allow a lot to come my way. I will never allow people I care about to be mistreated.

It felt unbelievable to take a stand, do the right thing, and walk.

This people-pleaser has become a ballbuster.

It’s good and bad news. The avoider is finally fed up. The badass can finally come out to play. Everyone needs a little ‘f*ck you’ in them now and then. A marriage made me lose most of mine.

A breakup helped me gain it back.

Some people think I’m a divorced woman.

They can’t see past my naked ring finger.

I’m really a promising badass.