Distant But Attached
Photo by author, rights reserved.
When I first started seeing my Adonis, I was so infatuated. But we had met through a swinger website, and I have always remained detached from others I met there, couples or singles. It’s part of the deal. We meet for sex, not to develop a relationship. Our bond was so strong, immediate, extremely sexual. We knew we would see one another again, and soon.
Over the next month or so, seeing him about once a week, I developed longings. I craved sex with him, yes, and wondered if it would be enough. I decided it would be. And I resisted confessing my love. You see, I was completely unsure of it myself, and resisted it so strongly, tried so hard to not be in love with him. And I was of rational mind, “This is just infatuation, Girl. Don’t fall for it.” But it was hard to listen to that bitch on the back.
It was my husband who told me, after watching my lovesick distraction, that it was OK to be in love with him. This made me feel a lot better. I was utterly unable to avoid attachment…but I kept it to myself. I still have never told him, four years in. I realize now that I love our relationship, in a way more than I love him.
But we maintain our distance. We do live nearly 90 miles apart, so dropping in doesn’t usually happen. And he is busy, with work and family obligations. I try to keep busy, so as not to pine. And I actively pursue a greater relationship with my husband. Hubs and I have been together 34 years. Wow.
For the record, I leave my Adonis each April, and don’t return until Thanksgiving or later, so I’m not real consistent for him, being gone seven months or more for every one of the four years we have been seeing each other. This certainly helps us keep our distance. But no lovesick texting. I wondered how we would maintain a connection over the first summer I was gone. I wanted to bombard him with messages of my desires, like several times a day. But I settled on sending him a picture of me each Tuesday. (You know: tt Tuesday 😉)
It worked. He says Tuesday is his favorite day, now. He still is busy with his family and his jobs, so we can only get together a few times a month when I’m here. But I’m baaaack, year five, better than ever, and may have an opportunity to stay a bit longer this spring. That would be real nice. Distant, but attached.