Disillusioned by Trump, Conspiracy Theorists Need to Support the Democratic Party
Trump’s non-disclosure of “the truth” betrays conspiracy theorists everywhere.
Conspiracy theorists, unite!
I resent the Party of Conspiratorial Thinking falling wholly in line with Donald Trump. There are those of a conspiratorial mindset that should be nowhere near a Republican fundraiser.
Let’s start with the Urantia group. They are a wacky fringe group who seeks to unify all people and all religions. Such a diverse group shouldn’t have drunk Trump’s pink lemonade, but I’m sure they did. They were one of the original followers of UFO conspiracies in the modern age.
If you’ve seen any of their videos at 3am on public access channel (is that still a thing?) than you know that they are too full of strange and wild ideas to ever be accepted by the Republican party. Let’s bring the space cadets’ home.
Next, those who follow channellers and mediums: If you listen to anyone who channels from the ancient cultures of Atlantis or Lemuria, then you have nothing in common with Republicans. If you listen to the voices from the peace-loving Palladians, Arcturians, Centaurians, or any of the alien races which make up the ultimate expression of diversity, the Galactic Federation of Planets, then you have nothing in common with republicans. They would crucify any channel of Jesus if they thought it was real.
Flat-Earthers: How could someone be so dense? How can someone deny the evidence all around them from airplanes, to shadows, to the curvature of the Earth to hold steadfastly to ludicrous disproven idiocy which is so obviously false? Never mind, the Republican party can keep the flat-Earthers.
JFK and the grassy knoll: Don’t let the elitist smug attitude of some liberals piss you off. Do you really think the Republicans would release everything known about the JFK assassination conspiracy? Look at how the Democratic party has lost its center, its core since then. Do you think that was done all by themselves without assistance from the Republicans? The betrayal of the Republican party to conspiracy theorists should piss you off more than some pedantic know-it-all University professor. Think again, come home.
The second coming of Jesus Christ is imminent crowd: So, you thought you could force God’s hand by attempting to engineer the End Times through Donald Trump? Whew! Thank God that didn’t work. Some of us were really concerned. We understand your desire to see Jesus. Just let him come back in his own time, in his own way. You are forgiven. Please come home. The Democratic party needs your conviction, your lack of faith notwithstanding. There’s plenty of disillusionment and lack of faith in the Democratic party. Come home and be comforted.
The Globalist Elitist Agenda is going to kill us all: Yes, probably, and likely with the coronavirus that a Republican administration was largely responsible for mishandling. There’s no need to fear Hillary anymore. Donald Trump took up her mantle. Come home to the Democratic party, where at least we pretend to care about keeping people alive.
You can hear them invoking Satan if you play Rock music backwards: Yes, and now you can hear it when it’s played forwards too. With Kid Rock and Ted Nugent as prominent Republican figures, the times of Satan’s Rock n’ Roll appealing to only one party are long gone. Remember, Al Gore’s wife, Tipper Gore? The last person who made any inroads into stopping Satanic music from infecting the minds of our young was a Democrat. Just shows you don’t have to believe in Satan to believe in diversity.
Area 51 has alien technology!: I hate to inform you, but you’re late to the conspiracy party. The serious Area 51’ers have all moved along to Dulce, New Mexico. It wasn’t a republican who told you that. Besides, if you believe in alien technology then you must also believe in science. Better not tell your republican friends about that. Come home to the Democratic party, we’re looking forward with you instead of trying to recreate a rose-tinted past based on false (alien implanted?) memories.
Bigfoot sightings are on the increase: The race known as Bigfoots on the Earth hail from a planet which has a unique orbit. Every 20 years or so, they fall out of contact with the Earth and seem to disappear. They didn’t. They just left before they couldn’t get home. Now that the Earth is back in range, there are more Bigfeet/Bigfoots being seen again. They try to stick to remote wilderness areas to not disturb the humans.
Will you get statements of fact like that from a republican? I think not. Come home. We’ll go search for bigfoot together.
Hitler is alive and well in Argentina: I’m sorry to pass along the news, but Hitler died a few years ago in Argentina. Will Republicans share this truth with you, no! They will not! They hide even more than the Democrats. Come home to the party that calls you a nutcase instead of ignoring you, like you’re a nobody. To us, you’re somebody, you’re a nutcase, and we love you.
Nazi’s in Antarctica: There were no missions to Antarctica during Trump’s first term. Do you think he cares if there are Nazi’s there? Even worse, would he seek their endorsement? Would Trump support Nazi’s in Antarctica (or on Mars) going to war with America? You’d better come home to the Democratic party, Nazi free since, well, longer than the Republicans!
At least the Democrats sent John Kerry to check things out. You can count on the Democrats to stay on top of all things Nazi or Antarctica related.
Besides, the conspiracy well is running dry. With Republicans in power, they don’t have the desire to make up bullshit stories to accuse the government of doing. We need republicans on the outside where they can lie without compunction. We need them to make up the conspiratorial lies so we know what to spend our weekends researching on the internet.
The conspiracy industry is in crisis. There aren’t any new conspiracies to fill out time speculating about because those that make the conspiracies are in power. They don’t want their hold on power questioned, so they are silencing all new conspiratorial voices. How’s that for a conspiracy?
Put the republicans back where they belong, in the west-wing mental ward of Bellevue Hospital for the Insane and not the west-wing of the White house!