Discovering the Houdini Within

A true tale of art, insects, and extrication

The idiom “a picture is worth a thousand words” didn’t include inflation as I was about to learn recently. A partially obstructed print entitled Weightless by Stephanie Law beckoned from behind my computer. The original painting whispered for a deeper conversation back in January 2022 when I first explored Shadowscapes, a stunning gallery from this talented Oakland artist. Warm ocean waves washed over me as I reflected on my life and relationships. I swam in the vast symbolism so beautifully layered throughout. Although worth every penny, the painting’s price stung like a jellyfish. This starving artist added the print to his online cart instead.

While I had no luck with those Magic Eye illusions, this creation summoned the spiritual children weaned on ‘Hidden Pictures’ in a Highlights magazine. Why not spend a few minutes meandering Weightless as I did upon postal delivery? Granted, I had practice years ago as I battled sleepless nights. I had lain mesmerized by a journal cover adorned with Miss Law’s Inner Workings (Timeless Tree).

Presuming Art for Dummies encourages subjective interpretation, this newbie wanders into Weightless: The distant brown branches bathe in a beige light before yielding to the midground periwinkle tree. While the leafless flora may hint at a season of dormancy, the fertile moss and vibrant insects corroborate all nature’s seasons. Like a weed breaking through a city sidewalk, sprites ascend from their cement gray prisons. Mollusk designs invoke Reiki healing from the base of a massive tree. Monarch butterflies flit above a man. What is he running from or towards?

Who is the Magic Man?

Let’s call him Anyman.

Anyman dangles devoid of vanity. The tree of life expands beyond our peripheral view just as his soul aches to do. Anyman casts a downward glance as if contemplating what will be left behind if he continues with his present course. Will he return to the deceptively solid ground of his old self or trust in the former terrestrial caterpillars to shepherd him through his own nascent metamorphosis? Does he even notice the shadows cast by the vibrant orb above him or feel it’s radiant heat?

Ascension, descension, or suspension? Anyman animates a full motion sprint, hurdling over past obstacles. Entangled in strings, his light-as-air royal helpers support his weight. The uppermost butterfly floats unencumbered to its zenith. Freedom and love are the destination for Anyman.

That man — Anyman — is me.

The skyward sprites dance in jubilation, cheering me onward and upward. With tightened abdomen and shallow breath, pangs of anxiety and anticipation swirl in my solar plexus. What or whom am I still clinging to?

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were. Unknown (variations linked to Kahlil Gibran, Richard Bach, etc.)

The Illusion of Relationships

I reflect on fragments of childhood memories which spawn a lifetime desire to maintain relationships well beyond their ‘Best By’ date. A pattern to reinvigorate past connections results in disappointment. Despite energy vampires, one-sided initiation or conversation, I struggle to release these once vibrant affiliations. Lowering the needle in the groove of a well-worn compilation of beautiful memories, I listen for signs of social resonance. Has the song changed or the listener?

I smile and nod as the synchronicities appear. I return to finish writing this story after randomly reading a non-fiction book about raising butterflies in the Amazon Forest. (The Fallen Stones: Chasing Butterflies, Discovering Mayan Secrets, and Looking for Hope Along the Way by Diana Marcum). Secondly, a tiny signature indicates Weightless was created in 2017, the year of my divorce. Moving out of the house, I wade into a summer of disconnection as family, friends, and neighbors collectively evaporate from my life. Perhaps a story for another day.

But hey, we’re all busy with our individual lives, right? My banal afternoon includes a walk, shopping and an unplanned haircut. During today’s travels my mind drifts back to the pandemic.

The Illusion of Control

In May of 2020, a weekly call with an acquaintance evolves into a pandemic priority. A deep friendship quickly develops into one of the strongest soul connections either of us has ever experienced. For nine months, the remote energy and conversation gestates as this profound entity. Among other books, we discuss Deep Human Connection: Why We Need It More than Anything Else by Stephen Cope as we search for language to describe this unique phenomenon. This soulship ends abruptly as she bows off the stage of my life, insisting I was blameless. Probably best we left this child unnamed. Distraught, I tug on this frayed lifeline with tremendous force. My heart aches as I await the salve of time to heal. The ‘A Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime’ anonymous poem nests in my mind, laying eggs that hatch into further rumination.

Also in 2020, I would frequently observe eastern tiger swallowtail butterflies and their earthbound predecessors on my walks. I journaled on the signs and whispers of my own mysterious metamorphosis at the time. I passionately recounted this transformation story to a group of soul friends in July 2020.

Originally viewing Weightless in 2022, I wonder if the ruby ropes represent my attachments to past and present relationships, the etheric cords made visible. Are they the shackles of outcomes my ego cannot control? How can I escape this suspended animation and regain both volition and agency?

The Illuminated Escape

I rediscover the Weightless print in July 2023. Renewed by tears of hindsight, fresh eyes inspect my decayed relationships.

• Change the way you remember them.
• Send a silent prayer to those souls that once graced your stage.
• Express gratitude for each present moment and lesson learned.
• Replace aches of abandonment with nature’s instruction of impermanence.
• Detach, surrender, and truly … Let Go!

Anyman relaxes his grip on some of the lines. He escapes the self-created red rusted chains constricting his appendages. Fresh blood re-energizes his body and brain. With honest reflection on his lifelong social connections, Anyman releases a mind meme that he is unable to sustain soul enriching friendships. A secondary epiphany reveals his forward momentum as a leap of faith from both his previous marriage and career.

With a final downward stare, Anyman pauses to peruse a range of relationships from acquaintances to those soulships during COVID. He doesn’t fall but understands that old and new connections mirror the cycles of nature. Anyman acknowledges the majestic monarchs for their soul affirming carriage.

Anyman — no I, consciously turn my focus skyward and buoyantly ascend under the power of my internal light. Approaching escape velocity, I merge with the pulsing, expanding orb from which I originated. I become an unencumbered expression of love embodied within that sovereign butterfly.

I am grateful for the collaboration with Weightless to tell my tale even if it requires more than a thousand words. Shifted by a sense of self forgiveness and completion, I head out for a walk. A synchronistic surprise appears via the monarch’s lepidopteran brother. The black and yellow wayfarer nods in affirmation, “Congratulations and Welcome Home!”

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind! — Dr. Seuss

Thanks for reading. Feel free to clap, comment, or contact me at [email protected]