Discover the Best Version of You

We all want the most out of life, so start right here.

At some point in our lives, we all realize that we want to become better versions of ourselves.

It usually surfaces later in life as you ponder what your ‘real purpose’ is.

There’s usually a nagging feeling that you’re still missing something.

This isn’t where you thought you’d be at this point in your life and you may feel uneasy, unhappy on some level, and perhaps even bored.

You crave change, but it’s difficult to define exactly what you need to feel fulfilled.

You just know you’re not.

Most people tend to examine their external circumstances to gauge their happiness and success, but from personal experience I know that doesn’t work.

So how the heck do you figure out where to start or what changes to make?

First, it’s important to realize that there isn’t a ‘one size’ fits all method of finding fulfillment. Your personal growth journey will be as unique as you are.

But there are some guidelines that will help you become the best version of yourself that will help tremendously.

I figured that out while devouring self-help books in sheer desperation to improve my life.

In fact, one such book quite literally saved my life.

I’ve come to learn that the key to feeling fulfilled, happy, and successful is to be true to yourself and work internally not externally.

It’s a much better option than trying to control your life circumstances or the people around you.

We spend a fortune on clothing, personal fitness trainers, makeup, plastic surgery, and fancy cars trying to improve our self-image — but we spend very little time, money, or effort on what really matters on the inside.

Our state of mind.

If you change your mind…you can change your life.

Happiness is definitely an inside job!

I found that the time I spent on these next four life lessons brought me the fastest and most radical results.

Once I was able to shift my thinking most everything else fell into place.

Life Lesson 1 — Speaking Your Truth

Here’s a biggie that you hear everyone talking about but few will ever actually tackle.

I’m referring to speaking our truth, telling our stories, and getting vulnerable.

Taking ownership of our imperfections, admitting we’ve made mistakes, and some bad decisions in our lives is a huge first step.

Speaking our truth and sharing our stories (the good, the bad, and the ugly) takes immense courage. Getting vulnerable is tough for everyone.

We imagine being rejected and embarrassed if we share our buried secrets, even to close friends. We imagine people thinking less of us, and perceiving us as weak and less desirable.

What I found to be closer to the truth, however, was the exact opposite.

When you share things about yourself and let your guard down, you’re seen by others as brave and strong instead.

Enduring 10 Toxic years in an abusive relationship kept me silently imprisoned in shame, fear, guilt, and embarrassment.

When I finally summoned the courage (25+ years later) to share my story and admit the truth, even to myself, it was extremely empowering.

Bringing those awful years to light allowed me to see my circumstances from a completely different perspective.

The whole shameful experience shrunk in size.

Instead of the ridicule and perceived rejection, I was met with open arms, empathy, and comments of bravery.

When I dug a little deeper and published my memoir there was another huge shift. I was able to shed my victim mentality and further disconnect from the shame around it.

Airing my dirty laundry and all my life-altering mistakes for everyone to see (or I guess in this case read) was nothing short of terrifying.

But it’s no good to talk all this smack if I’m not willing to share my own Jerry Springer episode first…right?

It can be amazingly powerful and it helps everyone involved see their imperfect lives for what they are…

Normal.

Unpacking your story will bring you clarity and you’ll realize that the hold it has over you instantly releases.

Things you’re ashamed of will lose their power over you, they’ll shrink away and clear your path towards a better future.

Life Lesson 2 — Choose SELF Love

Self-love can impact many aspects of your life. But unfortunately, it’s another area we tend to ignore.

I had no idea it was an issue for me, or even what it really meant.

Here’s the definition;

• Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and to feel worthy of happiness.
• It means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.
• It means not settling for less than you deserve.

When our self-love and self-esteem are low we tend to self-sabotage; our relationships ~our ability to earn income~our levels of success ~ and even our health.

Some Signs and Symptoms of Self Loathing;

• Misdirected angry outbursts
• Negative Self Talk
• Unnecessary Spending
• Relationship Sabotage
• Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse
• Hostility Towards Perceived “Threats”
• Isolation
• Sabotaging your own Success
• Under or Over-Eating
• Physical Neglect
• Self-Sacrifice

Once I understood all this, I realized that the relationship I had with myself was actually toxic.

Especially the running commentary in my head. It was very destructive and I had to work hard to get it under control.

Could you imagine telling a friend the things we say to ourselves?

“Look at all that fat — my God you have to stop eating chips at night or you’re going to explode! And that muffin top — seriously — how do you even get your pants on?”

Self-love means treating ourselves like we’re our own best friend.

But instead, we berate ourselves about our flaws without realizing the huge impact it can have on our mental health.

Your self-talk can be toxic without you even realizing it.

So the first step to correcting it is to become conscious of what sets you off. Then say the word STOP out loud when you catch yourself doing it.

Now redirect your thoughts — what would you be saying to your best friend right now? Look for your attributes and the positive instead.

Acknowledge and be grateful for all the things your body does for you without you even having to think about it — like breathing!

It’s a simple solution that will go a long way toward becoming the best version of yourself.

Life Lesson 3 — Better You, Better Relationships

Developing the best version of yourself is another sure way to improve your relationships.

This may seem counter-intuitive as we typically look at the other person in the relationship as being the problem and naively hope they’ll change.

This is where I’ve made my biggest and worst (let’s just go with epic) mistakes so I knew it was imperative to learn more about the difficulties I was having inside my relationships.

I’ve since forgiven myself for what I didn’t know or understand.

Although I was the victim in most of it, there were certain things about myself I needed to take responsibility for.

That’s also why I absolutely love this quote, and the light it shines on ‘Becoming the Best Version’ of yourself.

You draw to you the people and events who resonate with the energy you are radiating. You attract what you are ~ so be your best!

~ Someone famous I’m sure.

A dear friend explained to me that when your overall level of Self Love is low and you continue to feel shame, guilt, and anger then you exude that same negative energy around you.

That energy, in turn, comes back to you in the form of events and people you attract into your life. Unconsciously you connect with them because your energy is the same.

As the perception of yourself rises, your energy (or aura)can’t help but change alongside it.

You’ll exude more positive energy when:

• You feel better about your authentic self and accept that you are more than your mistakes.
• You gain control over your negative self-talk.
• You realize that you are ‘perfect’ in your unique imperfections.
• You stop settling for less than you deserve.
• You stop sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others.

But as ‘Your Best Version’ emerges, you’ll notice another shift.

As you become more positive internally, your current negative relationships will feel unstable and uncomfortable.

Eventually, your unhealthy relationships will just fall away, and the good ones will actually strengthen.

But at the same time, new people with matching positive energy will be attracted into your life.

The experts say you’re the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with — so you may need to work on that equation!

Life will quickly take on more light, joy, and peace and you’ll wonder why it took you so long to get here.

Life Lesson 4 — Life’s Setbacks & Failures

Life can sometimes feel like you’re hitting a series of roadblocks head-on, and big fat failures can punch you right in the face.

Regardless of how hard the hit is, the hope is that you learn something from it and allow it to lead you down a better path towards a better you.

I’m referring to things like:

• A sudden job loss
• Health Issues
• A divorce
• Broken friendships
• Failed business ventures
• A death in the family

Life’s setbacks also have a way of forcing your personal development. Some of which may not be obvious until years later.

The hard financial hit from the 2008 economic crash was my big eye-opener.

I found myself laid off from my corporate job after 15 years with the same company. The big corner office, my own parking space, and the six-figure income + bonuses were gone virtually overnight.

To make matters worse, I also lost over $100,000 in home equity.

It paralyzed me with fear and I didn’t have a clue how to recover from that blow at age 48.

A few years later my 20-year marriage ended, due to a cheating spouse.

It was gut-wrenching but also very difficult to admit how deeply it all hurt because it was buried in my disbelief, fear, and smoldering anger.

Big setbacks, roadblocks, failures, and tragedy are all a part of life, that’s just how it is.

And they’ll make you dig a little deeper in order to get back on track and decide where it is you really want to go.

When those proverbial doors get slammed in your face…others do open!

It took a while for me to actually get on board with that statement. But I have to admit these were the times I made the most progress in my personal and professional life.

If the setback was due to a lack of knowledge or skills, take a course, or do some more reading to gain more understanding.

While setbacks and obstacles can derail us, they’re also opportunities to look at a problem from a new angle.

They can force us to learn, and build confidence in our abilities and judgment.

Most personal and professional breakthroughs were achieved after people took a risk, hit a roadblock, regrouped, and moved again towards their goals.

Know that your situation will improve with time and if you stay flexible, positive, and open-minded you’ll be amazed at what comes your way next.

A Better Version of Awesome You and a Better Life!

If you’d like to connect with me, here’s my website.

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