Disclaimer: Our Moving Company’s Logo Inaccurately Touts The Size Of Our Employees’ Muscles
After receiving numerous strongly worded-phone calls, emails, and two subpoenas for photos of our shirtless employees lifting boxes, we feel it important to inform all of our past and future clients that our company logo grossly and inaccurately touts the size of our employees’ muscles.
Our movers are able-bodied individuals capable of tackling whatever our customers need. Sure, some of them possess more visual proof than others, but even those who require the most back support can handle anything that comes their way. So please, do not send our movers home if their hamstrings don’t look as beefy as the guy’s in our logo, or if they, “Have no traps at all.”
It’s not unreasonable to think, “Oh, I have an insurmountable pile of boxes in my living room that need moving, and Miracle Movers’ logo features a man effortlessly carrying a stack of boxes in the palm of each hand. Maybe they can take care of it.” That’s a great first thought! We can, and we’re happy to do it.
But the problem lies in the idea that apparently hundreds of our customers have had, and that’s, “They can literally stack boxes thirty-high in each hand while smiling.” We don’t like being the bearer of bad news, but none of our movers can do that.
We’ll grant that, logically, you could conceive in your mind that possibility, but to expect the only sign of exertion is just a giant ball of sweat leaping off of our movers’ foreheads is verging on inconsiderate.
Little did we expect, when customers saw the image of a cartoonish man with forearms shaped like papayas, they would want someone with melon arms to show up at their door. We’d all love to be built like a Clydesdale, but sadly, most of us are Shetland Ponies at best.
Looking back on the logo design phase, we got a little carried away by adding skyscrapers next to each of the mover’s tall biceps. We are working on removing the skyscrapers and reducing the bicep height to more accurately reflect the average body type of our staff which is: not as huge as buildings.
We figured a person with larger-than-life lifting muscles would’ve been a nice, lighthearted metaphor for how hard our employees can work. We thought wrong, and we’re deeply sorry. We’ve already got a team working on a logo redesign that says, “Our employees are fit, but not flaunting it.”
And for posterity, please note: if any of our employees wink at a customer like that, they would be fired immediately.
Without absolving us of anything, we feel it necessary to remind you, the customer, that you have an obligation to respect the people you hire no matter how vascular.
Sadly, throughout the course of the last six months, we’ve received over 200 passionate voicemail messages angrily questioning why our movers showed up to the job site with muscles so small, they would make Lou Ferrigno want to kill them. The last thing we want is Mr. Universe hunting our employees.
Yes, passion can be contagious and exciting. However, we respectfully ask that you go easy on our staff if they show up to work looking like former California governor, Gray Davis, as recently, a team of movers had to undergo counseling due to constant heckling from one customer and their five unnaturally strong children.
So in consideration of our employees’ mental health and desire to make the moving process as stress-free for you as possible, we’ve adopted an official policy of total transparency. It’s our goal from here on out to untangle the narrative we inadvertently built for ourselves that our movers are built like the lovechild of Paul Bunyan and his giant Blue Ox.
It goes without saying, but we really do appreciate you taking the time to read and consider this disclaimer. And remember, when it comes time to make a big life decision like moving your home or office, we always hope you’ll call Miracle Movers. Just, you know, don’t expect anything actually miraculous.
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