Disagreements in Relationships: Should We Aim for Minimization?

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Abstract

s, including partners, family, and friends, grow closer not because they agree on everything. It is our attitudes towards disagreements that determine the quality of a relationship.</p><p id="6ea3">Most of us have no training in handling different opinions. In school, we learned to debate, using evidence and logic to convince the other party. In other words, we acquire a single purpose when encountering different ideas, that is, to prove we are right and they are wrong.</p><p id="2126">But the binary right or wrong approach does not work in relationships. In the past couple of years, I heard many stories about families and friends drifting apart due to different beliefs towards current politics or vaccines.</p><p id="66a9">To avoid arguments, we start to stay away from controversial topics. We can agree to disagree, right? But over time, there is nothing left to talk about besides the weather.</p><p id="a1ec">Instead of jumping to quick judgm

Options

ent or springing into the convincing (or educating) mode, we can choose to be genuinely curious about each other. Fake interest can backfire since it sounds like shaming. People in good relationships spend time and energy trying to understand each other. They then find some core common grounds or choose to respect the differences.</p><div id="92f3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://economistfoodlab.medium.com/choosing-to-be-kind-not-nice-ecccfbad65e"> <div> <div> <h2>Choosing To Be Kind, Not Nice</h2> <div><h3>What does being kind mean to you?</h3></div> <div><p>economistfoodlab.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*KNJsZQfyZ9yqnnDEPu7bPQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Curiosity over judgment

When people grow apart it’s not because they have a difference of opinion necessarily, because some couples have major differences in opinion but they continue to remain deeply connected, curious about each other, respectful of who they are, and they’re not threatened by the difference of the other. — Esther Perel

Relationships, including partners, family, and friends, grow closer not because they agree on everything. It is our attitudes towards disagreements that determine the quality of a relationship.

Most of us have no training in handling different opinions. In school, we learned to debate, using evidence and logic to convince the other party. In other words, we acquire a single purpose when encountering different ideas, that is, to prove we are right and they are wrong.

But the binary right or wrong approach does not work in relationships. In the past couple of years, I heard many stories about families and friends drifting apart due to different beliefs towards current politics or vaccines.

To avoid arguments, we start to stay away from controversial topics. We can agree to disagree, right? But over time, there is nothing left to talk about besides the weather.

Instead of jumping to quick judgment or springing into the convincing (or educating) mode, we can choose to be genuinely curious about each other. Fake interest can backfire since it sounds like shaming. People in good relationships spend time and energy trying to understand each other. They then find some core common grounds or choose to respect the differences.