Difficult Coworkers, and How to Communicate With Them
It’s much easier than you think!
Do you know how some people just don’t have a sense of humour? Well, I’m the person who irritates them the most, or at least I seem to. I am an extroverted introvert if that makes sense?
It’s difficult for me to come out of my shell sometimes, so I will try harder in certain situations.
This doesn’t always work!
I made the simplest light-hearted joke at work and I was schooled by a co-worker lacking humour.
They took my half-assed comment literally.
Basically, it was a quip about how busy we were.
I should clarify: I work in the emergency department of an inner-city hospital. We cater to the marginalized, the mentally ill and those suffering from addiction. My shifts are 12 hours.
My humour is light, not mean… and never inappropriate or about patients. It’s also fair to say that 90% of us in the emergency department have this same dry humour.
It’s how we survive.
The other 10% of my colleagues have a different way of getting through the day. I haven’t figured out how yet.
They’re serious, stoic, and not particularly open to humour.
The old me would have got her feathers up after being schooled for my humour by my co-worker. My ego would be injured and I would jump into defence mode; incredulous that they did not find my comment entertaining.
How dare they!
The new me understands that it’s their personality. That, plus they probably don’t like me. Maybe from another thoughtless, half-hearted comment, I made in the past?
My point is, that this interchange could have ruined my day…. Or even my week. Instead, I directly apologized for offending her. Not a sarcastic apology, but a genuine one. Mind you, internally I was rolling my eyes.
Life is too short to worry about what other people are feeling, or thinking.
She kindly accepted my apology, which was effortless on my part, compared to my former behaviour.
Why have humour?
According to Stanford; Graduate School of Business, humour is beneficial to our health. So not only does humour benefit us socially, but physically humour can contribute to positive health.
Stanford School of Business also suggests colleagues are happier in their jobs when their employer has a sense of humour, and our attempt at humour makes us look more competent and confident.
So kudos to me for this one!
What makes a person humourless?
Strict upbringing, where humour may have been frowned upon
Have you ever been to a friend’s house when you were young and found their parents to be cold and unfriendly?
In some families, humour is seen as redundant. Perhaps your humourless colleague comes from a family that frowns upon frivolity. Perhaps they have been reprimanded for being silly at the dinner table when growing up.
I know people who have been raised this way and it’s evident in their nature.
Although these friends can be kind, even fun sometimes, they lack that spontaneous humour and frequently find it offensive.
Previous negative experiences with a coworker
It’s possible for someone who had a bad experience with a coworker in the past to shut down in the future. They may not be receptive to humour due to past trauma.
Perhaps your coworker had negative interactions with someone who was truly offensive and they were subject to harassment.
This could taint receptiveness to future light-hearted off-beat comments.
Personality disorder
‘Gelotophobia’ is a fear of being laughed at.
According to studies mentioned in Scientific American, this fear is serious.
According to Scientific American, someone suffering from this form of anxiety processes humour differently. They find laughter suspicious, even when well-intentioned or simply just in the presence of the laughter.
Misunderstanding
I have a colleague at work who I thought was rather stoic, she kept to herself and avoided conversations. I automatically assumed she was judgemental.
Then one day she mentioned to me when we were working together that oftentimes she gets stuck for words and it takes her a while to respond. She mentioned how it caused problems in the past.
I realized that she doesn’t lack humour, she just needs a moment to process.
I now see her in a new light, during interactions I’ll patiently wait while she contemplates her response.
It’s taken me half of my lifespan to figure out that we as a society have differing ways of being. My way isn’t categorically right… her way isn’t categorically wrong, our ways are just different.
I’ve learned to veer away from my egocentric thinking. And it’s such a relief!
My grown-up revelation has made many situations or life events much easier to handle.
This revelation has given me a sense of peace.
So how do we communicate or interact with someone lacking humour?
- Treat them and their position at work with respect. It’s very important to them.
- Be professional, polite but serious during interactions.
- Leave the jokes, and rhetoric comments, even when positive, at home.
- Accept their differing personality.
- Listen to what they have to say when they do speak up, without interrupting.
- Remain neutral and professional, don’t get wound up or speak loudly, this will irritate them greatly.
- Avoid sharing anecdotes about yourself, chances are if it’s not work-related, they’re not interested, if you’re at a social event, chances are they’re still not interested.
- Don’t initiate small talk. Only discuss important, work-related topics.
- Wait until they reach out and start a conversation with you, then respond openly, but if they don’t reach out that’s okay too.
- If you think you’ve offended someone, just apologize. They’ll appreciate the effort. It’s worked for me more than once!
These tips can hopefully save you a lot of grief when working in close proximity with someone lacking humour.
Life is too short to worry about what other people are feeling, or thinking.
A large part of our lives is learning to handle various conflicting personalities. As mentioned it’s taken me a long time to figure this out!
I’ve learned to accept diversity and I’ve learned not to take someone else’s lack of -anything- personally against me.
My final thought
Although I may think I’m the funniest, coolest person in the room…not EVERYONE is going to agree!
And that is A-Okay.
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