Different Doors For Different Sins

I would say when you come to me don’t discard me like others and welcome me in your abode with all your love and tenderness.

Her heart was pounding fast. Her eyes were burning. Her face was pale. Her hands were not moving, and she was mumbling again and again “Good Lord will show me the path, Good Lord will save me from this disgrace.”

The people on the street ignored her as if she never existed. They kept on running from pillar to post considering her merely a skeleton. She was a living corpse for them. She didn’t lose hope as her mother always told her “You will find millions of reasons to give up on life, but you will have to find just one reason to stick to the path of life. Make the difficult choice always, and the Good Lord will bless you with courage and kindness, my child.”

She didn’t forget those words even though she faced miseries in her life and every time her world fell apart, she bowed in front of the Lord again.

She sat at the corner of the pavement and took her diary out. Her intention was apparent and pure. Death was knocking at her door. Life was standing a few meters away too and hope was the thread she hinged on. Her hair was falling on her swollen eyes, and her hands caressed the skin like honey on the bread. She made up her mind to write three letters to Death, Life, and Hope to reach out to Lord to show her the last sign. The sign of whether to keep on walking, giving it all in or finally giving it all up as pain was hard to bear like an indelible wound.

My Wish For Death (Letter One)

What are you still waiting for? You have killed me many times all these years of my life. If someone would ask me what I feel the most, without any hesitation I would respond “Pain.” That’s the only reason I am alive and still seeing life with so many miseries inflicted on me and others too.

Do you think I am scared of you? I am not.

I lost my parents when I was five years old. I was raised by a family where they tried to rape me too. All my life, filth and dirt, are what they always called me with, so I am not scared of you. I would say when you come to me don’t discard me like others and welcome me in your abode with all your love and tenderness. I would call it my new abode, the one of harmony and peace away from the sins of life.

My Wish For Life (Letter Two)

I have had no fucking intention to write to you but here I am. I shouldn’t ignore you. I will tell you the reason why? When my mother kept me in the womb for nine months, she was experiencing life through me. She gave me birth to raise me as a strong child who would, later on, turn into a mature and courageous soul.

But what happened? You took her away from me when I was five years old.

You are the real culprit but all this while people blamed me for taking the life of my parents. They called me a curse. They considered me unlucky for the whole family. Do you know how many tears I cry before going to sleep every day? If that’s what life gives you? I will wholeheartedly accept death as my ultimate destination. I fucking don’t need you.

My Wish For Hope (Letter Three)

How did I wish for you throughout all my miseries? I am sure you have no fucking idea about it. Every time I was made to believe I must die. It was you I kept on hanging on like a thin thread of faith and love of God. I am not sure how far I would keep on hanging on as I am falling weakly on my knees. My strength has a bandwidth too.

When all the world comes crashing down on me, I keep on wishing that I will Hope, I shall Hope, and I must Hope. But, today, if you would ask me, I would say “I cannot, I won’t and I shall not.” You can laugh at me like others, but I feel numb and empty from the inside. And if you really wish to help me in some way then be there for someone who has been on the verge of ending their life too. I would feel elated that you saved one life.

Post writing these letters she went straight and jumped off the cliff. Her diary was found by a few strangers later on and they decided to publish her work for the world to know how many people are dying silent death every day before they finally end their lives.”

Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of Three books. Her books are available on Amazon, Flipkart, and BlueRose. Connect with Gurpreet at www.gurpreetdhariwal.com