“Did You Say, ‘Cheese’?”

“Really, though — did you?”

It’s not fair to tease us hounds over cheese.

Stop messing around with odd bits here and there. It’s the pits.

We’re setting our sights on proper cheese rights.

We demand a regular quota on a predefined rota.

No more of this living on the edge waiting for some crumbly wedge.

It’s not a subject for hysteria. After all, it’s a Gruyere area.

Cheese shouldn’t be an occasional treat. It should be a daily titbit for us pups to eat.

No two hounds are gonna agree on whether Feta is best, or Brie.

But they’re always going to be sure — they never get enough Cheddar mature.

This is not an homage to divine fromage.

This is an orchestrated protest to get our complaints addressed.

The doling out of portions microscopic is a deadly serious topic.

And, us hounds of a feather have got to stick together.

We might even form a collective to make our cheese-demands effective.

We might have to go on strike about those sticks you like to keep throwing away expecting us to sashay with them back to you (without even a quick chew).

You can also fetch your own slippers and pipe, and we expect you to do it without a gripe!

Find yourself an inanimate alarm clock! Just learn to live with that jangly shock. Instead of a softly warming morning snuffle, you’ll awake with a flinch, and a load of kerfuffle.

And don’t expect us to return your socks, or all those bits out of your toolbox.

Oh, so you’ve finally agreed to let us regularly cheese-feed!

It’s so good that you’ve come to your senses, that you’re prepared for more cheese-expenses!

To thank you for your largesse, we promise to address any possible gale force consequences that might cause olfactory offences …

… outside.