Did The ‘Old You’ Have It Better?

The dangers of comparing yourself to yourself

We’re taught not to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others. They are not us, after all.

We are all on our own journeys and unique paths; we all have unique bodies, minds, histories, and experiences. Cross-comparing makes no sense.

‘The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself,’ they say. But I think that is somewhat risky advice.

We are told we should only compare ourselves against ourselves. Should only focus on the progress we’ve made and look at how far we’ve come.

But what if you compare yourself to an older version of you and find that you haven’t grown, but in actual fact taken two steps backwards?

Comparing yourself unfavourably to your old self can be even more damaging than comparing yourself unfavourably to someone else.

To notice you had something ‘better’ before; you were fitter, wealthier, in a more fulfilling job — these comparisons can cause us to feel as though we’ve failed. To feel as though we’ve let go of something we worked hard for or something that was good in our lives.

It can make us wonder — what went wrong?

But you don’t need to get caught up in these painful comparisons, or worry that you’ve taken a wrong turn and thrown away all the good in your life. You just need to switch your perspective.

You are a different person today. Your skills, priorities, and lifestyle should reflect this

If I compared my current life to previous versions of my life, there are certainly things that I could feel deflated or disappointed by. Like the fact that 3 years ago I ran a half marathon and I currently have no regular running practice.

If I compared my current income to that of just a few months ago, I could be sorely disappointed. I quit my full-time job for a new part-time role, and now earn a fraction of the wage.

But I did this in order to spend more time doing the things I love and to build something exciting of my own. The reasons for the drop in pay are ultimately exciting, ultimately worth it. But if I only looked at the money, I could feel pretty bad about it.

We humans are ever-evolving and ever-changing, as are our life circumstances.

We make choices and take our lives down different routes because we change our minds about what matters most, about what we value, about who we want to become.

There may be things that past me could do that present me can’t, but there’s also a hell of a lot of things I can compare and feel proud about having improved, or proud of ways I’ve grown.

I can be proud of things I’ve now achieved that past me hadn’t, proud of my overall outlook on life, and grateful for all the lovely things I’m lucky enough to have right now.

Something that was a priority for you a few years ago may have slipped a few places down the pecking order. It’s only natural that your commitment to or performance in that thing isn’t going to match up with the level it was at back in the day.

If you find you’re scorning yourself for not being as committed to certain things as you were in the past, or for having let a certain aspect of your lifestyle slip, remind yourself why. It’s more than likely that other things have taken priority, and you’re creating good in other areas, more important areas. Areas that reflect the version of yourself you are working to become right now.

If you look back on the 20-year-old you and notice how much more exercise she did, remind yourself that her priorities were different. Look at what it is you are giving your time to now that takes away from your ability to workout so frequently.

As long as you can see that you’re prioritising the things that matter to you most, there’s no point getting caught up in comparing yourself to a very different you, living a very different life.

Rose-tinted glasses make the past look better

We’ve all looked back upon previous times in our lives and thought about how we had things good, or felt a sense of loss for something in our lifestyle at that time that we no longer have. But the truth is, rose-tinted glasses are a real thing.

We so often look back upon the past and see only the wonderful things or a general picture of our lives at that point. We forget the nitty-gritty and the details of our days. We forget the mindsets we lived within or the confidence we had (or lacked) at the time.

We can’t accurately compare our happiness or our feelings of success between two distinct periods of our lives. There will almost always be things that were ‘better’ and things that were ‘worse’ at any given point throughout our lives.

You simply have to choose to see what’s better now.

Choose to focus on what you want to be doing now. It’s more than likely the current you doesn’t have the exact same interests or motivations as the past you. So how can you possibly compare their actions or priorities? It’s almost as pointless as comparing yourself to another person.

Your skills, habits, and lifestyle are going to be different now than they were in the past. This is okay. This in itself is progress.

You are becoming who you choose to be now.

Comparison to self is only good until it's not

Comparing where you are now with a previous version of yourself can be a useful way to discover if you’re prioritising the right things in your life today.

If you look back and feel sad about something you once had or did that you don’t any longer, then it can act to inspire you to bring those things back into your life.

However, sometimes this simply won’t be possible or achievable. It simply won’t fit with the rest of your life as it is today.

Often, if you really think about it, you wouldn’t truly want it to, anyway.

It can also be useful to compare yourself with yourself if there’s something you’re continuously working towards improving or embedding into your life. Looking back at where you started and seeing progress can undoubtedly be motivating and encouraging.

But again, these comparisons are only really valid if you’re giving this thing the same level of attention for an extended period of time, e.g. training to improve running distances. If you make comparisons between two periods where your level of commitment and effort were not equal, you’re bound to find yourself lacking.

Be careful.

As soon as comparison to yourself becomes discouraging, it is no longer serving you.

As soon as it causes you to feel guilty, unworthy, or as though you’ve failed, you need to give up the comparing and simply work with where you are now.

Be where you are today. That’s what matters most.

Wrap-up — focus on what you’re proud of yourself for TODAY

It can be tempting to look back upon our lives and the different things we’ve experienced, the lifestyles we’ve lived through and hobbies or talents we’ve worked on building at various times in the past, but in reality, the only version of ourselves that truly exists or matters is the version we are right now. In this very moment.

It doesn’t matter what past you did; they no longer exist and will never exist again.

Ultimately, we’ve got to meet ourselves where we’re at. We’ve got to honour the fact that we are always changing, taking new leaps, trying new things, and prioritising differently.

Comparison rarely leads to good things, and even if it does for a moment, if things change and we’re comparing ourselves negatively again, we’re left feeling deflated.

Do your best to be your best, but don’t look forward, backward, or sideways.

Be who you are now, and be proud of that version of you.

Originally published at Living Honestly

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