You Like My Dick Pic?
No. Do you like keeping all your teeth?
I read a story by a traveler who found that their seatmate on a bus trip in a distant land was trying to get them to look at his unclad photographs on his phone. These did not arouse any salacious emotions, because both travelers were men, and the first one preferred other genders.
He manfully resisted the impulse to sock the other guy in the teeth and changed seats.
But this got me thinking. How is it that men keep doing the same — or worse — to women?
It’s not your equipment
Gender preference doesn’t mean gender choice. It’s not something you can change by going to the barber or the priest, or even the surgeon.
And it isn’t usually something people make a song and dance about, especially if they are seen as a minority, or somehow abnormal, or they are in a culture where such things are frowned upon. Then they hide their orientation for fear of hostility and embarrassment. Not to mention the threat of violence.
Step into the mind of the bus traveler showing off his dick pics. How does he know whether a stranger is gay or not? There’s often no outward sign, no rainbow badges, no affectation of dress.
Unless one is in a safe environment, LGBT+ folk don’t generally advertise their orientation. There must have been something about the straight man that said to the other, hmmm, I might be in with a chance here.
ALERT: Sex mistake!
Obviously he made an error. We all make mistakes, and when it comes to sex, they may be truly epic disasters. I have tales I could tell that would not just curl your toes, but bend you into a pretzel shape.
Which, as it happens, is one of my stories, but I’ll save that for another day.
It shouldn’t be difficult for one man to indicate to another that he is not gay.
If his seatmate shows him a dick pic, he just says, “Oh, I don’t swing that way. Do you have a sister?” and amity rules.
Or better yet, he doesn’t embarrass the chap at all, saying, “Oh, I am sorry, you have picked the wrong man. I don’t do that sort of thing anymore. Doctor’s orders, you understand; maybe I can call you once the infection has cleared up?”
The wrong approach is to react with hatred and agitation, giving an answer by way of an elbow in the dental area. Or somewhere else, perhaps aiming for a surgical resolution of the perceived problem. Violence is rarely the best response in matters of sexual intimacy.
So if two guys can sort it out, how does a woman handle the dick pic?
A guffaw is often perceived as tending towards rudeness.
There’s always some way to be sweet and polite and saying no. Most women are pretty good at it, through years of practice.
For your average woman confronting your average man, violence is rarely a promising option. Men are generally bigger and stronger, and this probably won’t end well.
Something like changing seats sends a clear signal, but some guys are persistent.
Besides, whilst nude photographs aren’t entirely a one-way street, for most women the way to their heart — or anywhere else — isn’t a graphic photograph of award-winning manhood, but simply an entertaining and thoughtful line of conversation.
Or even — and this is vanishingly rare for men, at least in my experience — an ability to listen. It is a turn-off for me to be talked over, interrupted, dismissed, or simply ignored. If a guy isn’t interested in my side of a conversation, why should I imagine he’ll pay attention to my needs once the lights are out?
So if you lean over and show me a photo of your pride and joy, I’ll politely change the topic. “Oh that reminds me, I need to get some vegetables at the market. Perhaps some button mushrooms. Hot and buttered on toast, yum, a real breakfast of champignons.”
Here’s my theory
Men tend to be creatures of speed and determination. At least in the sack. I guess it’s an evolutionary advantage. Inseminate a woman, move on to the next, spread your genes as broadly as possible.
But a woman is wired to look for a long-term relationship. Finding a compatible mate isn’t a matter of simply fitting the bits together — fun though that may be — but getting a partner to stick around long enough to help bring up the offspring.
A man may be jazzed up by seeing unclad photographs of women, apparently in a receptive attitude, and may assume that the same thing works for women.
Trust me, no.
Send me a picture of your rampant glory, and unless I know you better, I’m going to assume that’s what you do your thinking with, and turn to a different activity.
Like finding a place to put my recent breakfast into. Possibly your lap, if you are sitting beside me on the bus. You have been warned.
Britni
More on breakfast with men:
