ADHD | SCHOOLS | LIFE HISTORY

Diary of an Ordinary Woman — Adhd or not?

What would I know?

Mrs. Ishrat was delivering a science lesson to the grade five girls-only class. There was pin-drop silence in the room that was humid and dark due to no electricity. She was always the kind of teacher who made the students uncomfortable because of her negative outlook. She never missed a chance to snap at her students. She always seemed unhappy about something. The lecture was going smoothly until Mrs. Ishrat spotted Naureen who was whispering something in Memona’s ear. Mrs. Ishrat stopped her lecture at once and screamed at Naureen at top of her lungs waking up the girls who were sitting in the last row including myself. I only paid attention to the lecture for the first few minutes. After that, I lost control. My thoughts captured my concentration and I was in a different world altogether. I thought about my birthday that was coming in June and all about the Summer holidays that were around the corner.

“Aliyah” Mrs. Ishrat called my name suddenly. Her shrill voice startled me piercing my eardrums and awakening the remnant of my senses. She continued, “ what is chemical energy?”

My eyes glistened and my face reddened. I was mortified. I did not have the slightest idea about the answer. I knew that I was doomed.

She instilled the aversion in me for the subject of science and the awareness of my incapabilities in science. After that I was sure that I couldn’t be a doctor, an engineer, a scientist or even a science teacher.

This is how much important a teacher’s attitude is towards her students. Why do you think I aspired to become a teacher? My ambition was to make a difference in my pupils’ lives.

It was exam period and I did not know where to start the revision. Should I start with Science or Geography which was the most difficult for me because I hated rote learning?

I had just lost my mother few months ago who was always on top of my head to make sure I was keeping up with my school work. She helped me memorize my science lessons, understand grammatical errors and practice math formulas. I was always in the top three girls of my class. After she died, I lost control. I struggled with organizing and prioritizing my work and my life.

I couldn’t figure out who to turn to for help. I went undercover and cried for the day. My aunt – Who was my dad’s sister and divorced twice – lived with us but she didn’t have enough education to support me. She comforted me and took care of me but she couldn’t do much when it came to studying and homework.

Failing in grade five was the last thing I wanted to happen. My dad was already going through depression and I didn’t want to give him another reason to be dejected. In other cases, my aunt also would have had told my dad about my inadequacies.

The days went by and my dad decided to remarry a teacher. He thought that was the solution to my problem. Did it really resolve my issues? To some extent yes. My stepmom guided me through my teen years although she had an authoritarian parenting style that did not end only with parenting. She liked having control over everything and everyone. She didn’t really help me with my assignments. It was her sister who was a tutor and she also taught my brother and me. We used to spend our evenings in her company. She was an expert in Maths and English. As I grew up, my attention span got a little better, but there was still a pattern. The topics I was interested in enhanced my focal point more.

My stepmom urged me to take science subjects in high school. She and my dad wanted me to become a doctor, but I was aware of my aptitudes and interests. Partly, I do blame my grade five science teacher for not pursuing science.

I took psychology and English Literature as my majors. I was struggling in both subjects although I never failed a term. I felt burdened with too many subjects. There were compulsory courses like Social Studies, Islamic Studies, English Language, and one elective course. I felt like I was bombarded with too much information and I was not taught strategies like organization and time management skills. Once again, I ended up at the same place where I had no one to guide me or I was too reluctant to ask for help.

© 2022 by Saba Haider.

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