Dialectical Menialism #1 — Left vs. Right

Summary

The author humorously recounts a personal struggle with a StairMaster, using it as a metaphor for the internal conflict between left and right, and introduces the concept of "Dialectical Menialism" as a playful take on Marx's "dialectical materialism."

Abstract

In a lighthearted and self-deprecating blog entry, the author describes an exhaustive workout session on a StairMaster, which he personifies as a relentless adversary. The seemingly mundane task of cleaning the machine after his workout leads him to a philosophical contemplation about the trivial yet taxing internal battles people face, likening his experience to the historical conflicts described by Karl Marx's theory of "dialectical materialism." He coins the term "Dialectical Menialism" to encapsulate the idea of these everyday, insignificant struggles that occupy one's thoughts, drawing a parallel between the left-right dilemma he faced and broader themes of conflict such as form versus function or nature versus nurture.

Opinions

The author finds humor in the challenge of using a StairMaster, comparing it to a grand adventure or a harrowing task akin to Indiana Jones' exploits.
He expresses a sense of futility in his workout, as the StairMaster continues to generate steps despite his efforts.
The author's internal debate about which side to use for cleaning the machine is presented as a significant mental struggle, highlighting the triviality of some of our daily dilemmas.
He acknowledges that his intense focus during such mundane tasks might be misinterpreted by onlookers as deep contemplation on important societal issues.
The author playfully creates the term "Dialectical Menialism" to describe the inconsequential yet mentally occupying conflicts that people experience, suggesting a humorous take on more profound philosophical or sociological theories.
He reflects on the human tendency to overthink simple decisions, poking fun at his own thought process during the workout and cleaning ordeal.

Dialectical Menialism #1 — Left vs. Right

I recently found myself balancing precariously on but a sliver of rational thought. In the chasm to my right, there was a tool essential to my progress, but I would be forced to use my weak left side. The mire on my left was more easily traversed, but I’d have to go back for the tool.

What feat of daring do was I engaged in, you ask? Surely you were braving the French Alps and came to a narrow path between a sheer precipice and a murky bog, or some other such harrowing errand (harranding?), you boisterously assert.

No no. Nothing so Indiana Jones-like. I was engaged in battle with a stair replicating mechanism. It was diabolical, Internet! I’d take a step, thinking I had bested the confounded contraption (contrountion?) and ascended as far as I could, when with methodical regularity, a new stair appeared in its place. I stared in wonder at this expert of the terraced walking surface. I bestowed the name “StairMaster” on this austere device.

Just as “StairMaster” conspired to produce an endless staircase, my forehead unleashed a torrent of perspiration. Being subject to gravity, my sweat fell onto this machine, giving it a briny glaze peppered with pooled workout juice hither and thither.

This microcosm of the water cycle produced enough moisture to require the courtesy of a disinfecting wipe-down.

I concluded that “StairMaster” could and would continue the onslaught of steps indefinitely. I ceased my fruitless ascent and fetched a disposable rag bathed in a solution to hastily dispatch any microbes that had taken up residence in the juice of my labors.

I was thrust into the balancing act recounted previously when I returned to the machine. You see, to the right of the machine was my water bottle (the “tool”); but this approach also meant that I’d have to use my left arm to clean the machine…guh-ross!

The left approach was not wrought with perils so…uhh…perilous to the neurologically unbalanced, but I’d have to backtrack for my water bottle.

These are the things I think about. You might see the intense focus on my face and think he looks pretty smart; I bet he’s thinking up some solution to social inequality or a better way to dispose of old VHS tapes, or some other high minded notion. Well, dear reader, you’d have given me too much credit. At any given moment, two likely inane, inconsequential concepts are throwing down in an epic battle for a piece of Jarrett’s grey matter.

In this case, the combatants are the left vs. the right. In the future, you might see form vs. function, quantity vs. quality, nature vs. nurture, etc. (vs. and so on).

This is all to say that this will be the first entry in a blog series I call “Dialectical Menialism”, which is a play on Karl Marx’s “dialectical materialism”, or the idea that history propagates because people fight over stuff. “Dialectical” in that most of the time the conflict is between two parties (i.e. good vs. evil, bourgeois vs. the proletariat, aristocracy vs. peasants, cats vs. dogs, Coke vs. Pepsi, and so on).

“Menialism” isn’t actually a word. The roots are menial or “lacking interest or dignity” (thanks be to Merriam and/or Webster), and ism.

Adding ism to a word turns it into “an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief” (thanks be to Webster and/or Merriam. How come Merriam always gets to go first?). Ergo, “menialism” is “an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief [that is] lacking interest or dignity”.

So, “Dialectical Menialism” is a high stakes battle for supreme obscurity (sobscremicy? Obscuracy?) regarding my disposition.