Happiness | Mindfulness
3 Years Ago, I Was $40,000 In Debt With No Job To Pay It
What’s your biggest failure? I’ll go first.
“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see” — Henry Thoreau
3 years ago, I packed my bags to return home.
I was $40,000 in debt with no job to pay it. This was the end of my journey.
I had failed.
I felt like a failure.
This is a short story of failing big and learning one big lesson along the way. I hope it will remind you of the importance of mistakes when painting your masterpiece.
If you’re not failing, you’re not trying.
As I packed my suitcase, I thought, “I just can’t believe it. I tried my very best and still came up short.”
After all that work, all my effort, it was back to cold Canadian winters, and the faces I had left behind.
I hadn’t made it.
I wasn’t who I thought I was.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
Looking back I didn’t know what I wanted. I was too cocky. Too brash. Fuelled by ego and driven by money.
I was clueless.
All I knew is that I had never failed– and I never wanted to.
Life is funny. We often feel helpless, not understanding the power we hold.
You can build the life of your dreams or create a nightmare depending on the direction of your thoughts.
I wanted to avoid failure so badly that I steered into it.
Months prior, I had moved to Los Angeles with a laptop, and a vision of beaches, money, and opportunity.
The problem was, I lacked passion.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
Who I was.
I thought, “I’ll make a lot of money and then figure it out.”
My gut told me left, while my mind pulled me right.
What’s money worth if you have nothing meaningful to spend it on?
I was running an e-commerce store. It was hip and people seemed impressed when I told them about it.
That made me feel good.
But, I hated it.
Deep down, I knew my lack of passion would cause me to fail. But, I pushed on.
It was all about the money.
Everything was about money.
As time went on, my funds faded away.
It wasn’t until accepting failure that I discovered the greatest success of my life.
Eating breakfast one day, a friend of mine handed me a book. “You mentioned liking writing, so I thought you might like this.”
It was “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron.
I had just maxed out my credit card on my last month’s rent.
I had 30 days to make it big or cut my losses.
I began reading the book and quickly realized that I was hiding from my “Inner Artist” instead of embracing it.
I had been hyper-focused on money because I was scared.
Scared of discovering who I really was.
After a few days, I decided to cut my losses and spend my remaining time being happy.
Doing whatever the heck I wanted.
So, I read, wrote, and went to the beach. I socialized and slept in. I started journaling every day, and got to know my Inner Artist.
With one week left, I closed down my e-commerce store and created a posting for freelance writing work.
The night before returning home, my phone buzzed.
It was a notification from my first writing client, offering me a gig. As it turned out, this was the end of one journey.
But the beginning of a new one.
Fast-forward to today, and I no longer fear failure. Because with failure comes confidence and wisdom.
Sometimes you need to experience it to believe it.
It would take me 3 years to work my way out of debt, but I can safely say it was worth it.
Money comes and goes.
But doing something you love, lasts forever.
To start a journaling practice of your own, pick up your copy of The Free 30-Day Flexible Journaling Guide. 👇
