Detach From These 5 Things To Feel Free
The root of suffering is attachment — The Buddha
Every attachment you have will weigh you down like an anchor. Every attachment holds you back and slows you down.
Letting go of the attachments you have in your life will allow you to be lighter, free, and will lead to fulfillment.
You can't control outside forces, and when your happiness and state of being depends on things out of your control, you will never be happy.
There are five main areas of our lives where we tend to attach to:
- People
- Thoughts
- Emotion
- Memories
- Ideas and beliefs
Attachment to People
You can't control people.
When you become too attached to someone, their actions have power over you. People will never behave as you wish they would, and all of us are naturally self-interested.
This is not to say that all people are selfish, but people will preserve themselves by design first.
Romantically, you lose your identity when you become too attached to the other person. Your judgment will be affected, and your decision-making ability will be clouded.
You might overthink and worry, causing you stress and anxiety, and you won't be able to get anything done.
You must be somewhat detached to preserve your sense of self.
Maybe you're too attached to family or friends when you need solitude to grow and discover who you are.
Attachment to people can also come in the form of attachment to the opinions of others.
Do you value what others might think or say about you instead of focusing on yourself doing what needs to be done?
On some level, we all want to be accepted, loved, and appreciated. We all want to be noticed by others positively.
If your need for this validation becomes too dependent, you will be at the whim of how others view you, which will cause you to act in a way that is not genuine to who you are.
Attachment to your Thoughts
We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. — Seneca
Most of our thoughts are random nonsense. Don't attach yourself too much to what you think.
Your mind is a tool for you to create and solve problems.
If you allow your mind to be in control, it will drag you along. It'll feed you with thoughts that serve no purpose and cause you pain.
Our imagination is a powerful tool to help us create beautiful works of art and come up with solutions to seemingly impossible problems.
Your mind can ask questions that it cannot answer.
However, left unchecked, your mind will lead you to pain.
When you are too attached to your thoughts, you will become anxious. Your mind tends to jump to the worst-case scenario when, in reality, the situation is probably not what you're thinking.
We make ourselves anxious as we are attached to what COULD happen instead of what is HAPPENING.
Remember, you are not your thoughts.
Filter useless thoughts and focus on those aligned with who you want to be and the goals you want to achieve.
Attachment to Emotions
Emotions are potent.
If there were a vitamin I could take that allowed me to suppress my emotions, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't buy it.
Emotions cloud judement.
Remember that your emotions are temporary. Just because you are feeling something doesn't mean you should act based on it.
Usually, give it a little time, your head clears, and a new solution arises.
Rage and love are powerful driving forces but are also dangerous.
Acting on your anger can lead you to destroy things, yourself, and your relationships. It's okay to be angry, but focus that anger somewhere productive, like creation or exercise.
Love is intoxicating. Too much of it, and you'll get sick.
Love can make you act in strange ways. You may do things you wouldn't normally do to impress someone. Maybe love leads you to jealousy and irrationality.
Don't let your love take control and smother you or your lover.
Sadness will lead you into a downward spiral. Once you begin wallowing in your despair, it will lead you down a never-ending path to a life of misery.
There's always a way out. There's always a solution, so don't give up.
Even happiness can be problematic.
I've spent too much at the bar buying too many drinks for too many people because I was in a good mood.
While happiness is not the worst emotion, you can't act impulsively because you're in a good mood.
That good mood will fade, and you might have buyer's remorse.
It's okay to feel emotions; just don't let them dictate your actions.
Attachment to Memories
Nostalgia is a powerful drug.
We all long for days past when things were simpler.
But your memories can be deceiving.
Your brain can highlight only the good parts of memories, so you cherish them. Or it can hold on to only embarrassing moments to haunt you.
We have all woken up in the middle of the night with a random memory of high school, where we made a complete fool of ourselves.
Or you could be having a great day when you remember that awkward date you went on. Now, your entire day is ruined as you spend hours ruminating on something in the past that you can't change and that no one else even remembers.
Memories are faulty; don't rely on them.
Every time you think about a memory, your mind slightly alters it.
Fond memories of days gone or people you've lost can put a smile on your face, but don't live there. At the same time, remember the times when you made a fool of yourself are forgotten by many, so forget about it too.
It's okay to occasionally reminisce on your childhood or lost loved ones, but you can't live in the past. You can't return to those moments and live them again. You can't rewrite them.
Remember to live in the moment and create new memories for future you.
Attachment to Ideas and Beliefs
Your ideas and beliefs on specific topics will change throughout your life as you have more experiences, so don't hold on too tightly to them.
You don't need to have an opinion on every topic. Sometimes, it's better not to keep updated on every little thing. If it's important, you'll hear about it.
Staying detached from beliefs and ideas allows you to view things with an open mind and take in all the information available.
This includes ideas and beliefs you have about yourself.
Who do you see yourself as?
You can see yourself as someone who doesn't work out, so you never do, comprising your health. Or you can change that belief, start working out, and become someone healthy.
When you detach yourself from beliefs about yourself, you can change who you are.
You may see yourself as lazy. Change that belief to seeing yourself as someone excited to work on creative projects you're passionate about.
Maybe you see yourself as broken, incapable of love. Change that belief, and you can connect to others again.
You might also find yourself attached to the beliefs of others.
For me, people saw me as the party guy, and I held on to that. To the point where, even though I didn't want to party hard and drink a lot anymore, I felt a need to because it's how others saw me. They would say I was "being weird," "you changed," or "what's wrong."
I was acting differently because I was changing for the better.
I had to stop caring how others saw me and do my own thing, creating and living the life I wanted.
I realized people come and go during different arcs of our lives. Sometimes, you will "outgrow" people, and that's okay.
Don't act in a certain way or do certain things because you feel you have to.
The less attached you are, the faster you can move. Without attachment, you are free.
