Depression Makes Me an Expert at Hating Myself

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Abstract

wonder what it’s like not to hate yourself. I know everybody has parts of themselves that they don’t like, but I don’t think many people who don’t struggle with mental illness hate themselves as passionately as I hate myself.And the thing is, I’m well aware that my self-hatred causes me to make poor decisions that then reinforce what a loser I am and that I deserve all the hate I throw my own way. But I don’t know how to stop the cycle.Well, that’s only partly true. Getting ba

Options

ck into therapy would help, but I can’t afford it right now — and I’m making decisions that make the prospect of paying for therapy that much farther away.I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. On a good day, I could dim down the voices long enough to write something eloquent about all the voices in my head putting me down. Today, I might just write and post these 4 paragraphs because I can’t hear any thoughts other than the ones screaming about how much I suck.</article></body>

Depression creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where I hate myself into failing.

I wonder what it’s like not to hate yourself. I know everybody has parts of themselves that they don’t like, but I don’t think many people who don’t struggle with mental illness hate themselves as passionately as I hate myself.

And the thing is, I’m well aware that my self-hatred causes me to make poor decisions that then reinforce what a loser I am and that I deserve all the hate I throw my own way. But I don’t know how to stop the cycle.

Well, that’s only partly true. Getting back into therapy would help, but I can’t afford it right now — and I’m making decisions that make the prospect of paying for therapy that much farther away.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. On a good day, I could dim down the voices long enough to write something eloquent about all the voices in my head putting me down. Today, I might just write and post these 4 paragraphs because I can’t hear any thoughts other than the ones screaming about how much I suck.