Depression Is Not Laziness

Depression is a lot of things. Lazy is not one of them.

When you spend your Saturday in bed not doing anything, even though the chores have piled up, that’s laziness, right?

When you neglect your social relationships because you just don’t feel like going out, aren’t you just being antisocial?

Slacking off at work because you don’t have the energy is just you being a bad worker, don’t you think so?

You need to do the chores. You need to see your friends. You need to do your job.

So why can’t you?

Surely you’re just being a lazy slob, right? I mean, the house is cluttered, your friends are lamenting you skipping another Saturday night party, your boss is breathing down your neck about that report. You’re just slacking, being lazy, being a bad friend, being neglectful. No excuse for that.

You can’t keep up with your obligations, so you’re a bad person, right?

People with depression face this regularly. There is a lot of judgment and stigma around mental illness. Legitimate symptoms of depression get mistaken for laziness, or slobishness, or neglect.

Your friends may think less of you if you cancel plans again. After all, you haven’t been out with them for months. What if you are a shitty friend?

Your boss will certainly think less of you if you slack off at work. Not getting reports done on time, letting deadlines pass, and skipping meetings seems like neglecting your duties as an employee.

You definitely think less of yourself. I mean, look at your apartment! The dishes haven’t been done in two weeks, takeout boxes are piling up, your cat is using a corner of your bedroom as a toilet because you haven’t cleaned his box in a while.

In this way, people, both with and without mental illness, internalize the stigma around depression and other illnesses. We look at these failings — dirty apartment, loss of social relationships, strained work ethic — as moral failures rather than a legitimate illness.

In this way, we further stigmatize depression and other mental illnesses as issues of morality. People with depression face numerous struggles to functioning daily, but because the struggles manifest in socially-unacceptable ways, we write them off as character flaws rather than symptoms.

The fact is, depression causes a lack of energy and motivation to do daily activities. A normal day goes from being thoughtlessly easy to nearly impossible to get through. Anyone familiar with Spoons Theory knows what it’s like to budget your energy to get through the day.

When normally you’d be able to get to and from work easily, now you have trouble just getting out of bed in the morning. A shower seems like such a daunting task that you just skip it and use a moist wipe to freshen up. You half-ass your job for the day, then order takeout because you don’t have the energy to cook.

By the end of the week, you’re so drained that your weekend is spent laying in bed all day not doing anything. You know that there are things that need to be done around the house, but you don’t have any energy to do them.

All the while, it seems like the color in the world has drained away to sepia tones. Things that used to bring you joy now barely give you a spark. It becomes a chore to just eat. Socializing seems like a daunting, insurmountable task.

Along the way, your life falls apart at the seams for what appears to be no reason. From the outside, you look like you just stopped caring about things. You neglect your friends, work, and personal care, so you look like a slob who just gave up on things.

The problem is, you still have societal obligations. When your hygiene gets neglected, people judge you. When you slack off at work, people judge you. When you flake on your friends, people judge you. When your apartment is a mess, people judge you.

Unfortunately, the people who judge you often don’t have the whole picture. They only see one aspect of your life and pass judgment on that aspect.

People fail to put the whole picture together: that you are struggling with depression, and that you can barely function in day-to-day life anymore. They don’t see the sadness, the lifelessness, the suicidal ideation, the feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.

Most importantly, they don’t understand that there is a misfire in your brain that is draining the life out of you.

And that’s what it is. It’s not laziness, or poor character, or the devil, or any of that. It’s literally a chemical imbalance that is draining your energy and making you feel like crap. Your brain is an organ, and it’s failing you.

Mental illness affects one in five people. You encounter it every day without even knowing it. Maybe you are dealing with it yourself. Whatever the case may be, try to be aware of it.

When somebody is flaking on you for the tenth time in as many weeks, maybe check on them.

When your coworker seems to only drag their way through the day by the skin of their teeth, knock on their office and see if they’ll talk about it.

If your friend starts neglecting their personal hygiene, ask if they’re doing okay.

Depression is not laziness. Depression is a soul-crushing, happiness-sucking, energy-draining chemical imbalance in your brain that causes you to feel like garbage for what seems like no reason.

If your friends start doing these things, be good to them and cut them some slack. Try to be there for them if you can.

If you start doing these things and you don’t know why, take a breath and don’t be down on yourself. Depression is hard enough without judging yourself for being lazy. Do what you can, and seek help when you are able.

People with depression have enough problems. Don’t add to it by judging them for being lazy. Be patient, be gentle, and most importantly, be kind. Simply understanding that they’re having a rough time may be the best thing to happen to them all week.

Remember, if you are struggling with depression, you can do it. I know you can.