Depression Is Always With Me

Summary

The author reflects on their personal journey with depression, acknowledging its lifelong presence and the importance of self-help and professional guidance in managing it.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's experience with depression, which they have come to realize is a constant companion. Despite not having a formal diagnosis, they recognize the impact of their complex childhood and adolescence, marked by both happy and traumatic experiences, on their mental health. The author emphasizes the necessity of facing past traumas and the importance of self-awareness and personal growth in overcoming the challenges posed by depression. They advocate for the power of education in fields like psychology, philosophy, and literature as tools to combat depressive thoughts. At 23, the author feels stronger, having learned to control their thoughts and resist destructive ideas, while acknowledging that the battle against depression is ongoing and requires self-love and focus on joyful aspects of life.

Opinions

The author believes that understanding one's complex personality is crucial for managing depression.
They stress the importance of expert help in dealing with mental health issues.
The process of confronting individuals involved in past traumas is seen as painful but essential for healing.
The author suggests that the desire to be alone and experience melancholy can become an unhealthy addiction.
They have found that studying psychology, philosophy, and literature is beneficial in learning to cope with depression.
The author admits to struggling with the idea of not wanting to live due to the overwhelming nature of their feelings.
They have learned to say no and recognize the personal growth achieved over the years.
The author views depression as a persistent challenge that one must continually strive to overcome by focusing on positive aspects of life and self-improvement.

Depression Is Always With Me

Photo of Author.

This is a dangerous realization, but this is the way to manage depression. At least that’s how I read it.

I have not received a diagnosis from a specialist in this field, but that does not mean it is not true. My knowledge of this subject is insufficient, and of course, I need the help of experts who have devoted their lives to studies in this field. I am aware of this.

My childhood was complicated, and so was adolescence. I had a happy childhood, but also a traumatic one. Maybe I did not live the way a normal child should live, but I did not decide that. They were adults. Adults also have a million problems and always want the best for their children. But that does not mean they do not make mistakes. Mistakes that shape kids for life. I was one of those kids who experienced abuse, lack of family at different stages, and prejudice from society. On the other hand, I have experienced many happy moments, I had the love of all.

This complexity is exactly what makes up your personality. Complex personalities have complex lives. To understand that, you do not have to be an expert or maybe become an expert to understand these things, because it’s a way to get over the shadow side of what you have experienced.

These are somewhat general words and may not be understood by everyone, but people who have had similar experiences know what I mean.

All of life with the experiences of the two extremes, that is, being both happy and sad, carries the risk of manifesting a frightening aspect in you, namely depression with all its accompanying symptoms such as anxiety, syndromes, fear, and character deformation.

We think and talk about our unsolved problems until we solve them. What is the right way to solve these complications that have been with you since childhood? I have found one of the most efficient ways.

You have to face the people who were involved in all this. It’s a painful process, where after all the considerations you have made, there’s an indelible pain that starts in your chest and goes to the depths of your mind.

You go through a beautiful moment in which you are protected by the people around you, but even in those moments, without realizing it, you enter a realm of thoughts about the meaning of your life. An inner desire to be alone and bored, to the point where you believe you are addicted to melancholy. You have become accustomed to these feelings being present in your life, although it is not healthy, you want to experience them. You will be alone and cry so much that tears will not come. Occasionally these feelings show up in my life and I feel powerless, unmotivated, like nothing matters.

When you think about all of this, thoughts often pop into your head about what would happen if you stopped living, and without lying, you do not want to live anymore because everything you feel is unbearable.

I try to help myself, I studied psychology, philosophy, and literature for years, these are the best weapons to learn how to deal with depression. I have been wrong many times, driven by my ego to live a quiet life, or as some call it: normal.

Now that I am 23 years old, some things are clearer to me and I am stronger. I have learned to control a good part of my thoughts, and I have learned to say NO (which is still difficult with many things), but I manage to understand the difference between who I was a few years ago and who I am now. I know that I have done a lot for myself to keep myself from destructive ideas that come naturally.

It’s a journey with drastic ups and downs that strengthen my character and give me the courage to keep going, even when nothing makes sense anymore.

The biggest danger is getting caught in that negative flow of depression because it will always be there, but you are in control.

Love yourself and others, and if you do not love them, learn how to. This life has nothing to do with negative things even if they are between us, this life has to do with reaching a higher form of your being, and certainly, you can do that even if you have experienced a lot of pain and probably will again. Focus on the beautiful things and those that bring you joy, focus on the happiness that you have within yourself.