Dementia Can’t Rob Us Of Our Love

Reconnect with those you care about most

Recently I visited my parents, siblings, and extended family. It was the first time I have been able to do this in person for over 18 months. The pandemic has disrupted so many things in our lives. One of them has been our ability to be with those we care for the most.

Now that I am fully vaccinated, as are my family members in Nebraska, we can be together safely. What a joy it is to once again be with them. I have always appreciated being with my family. This time, due to the long absence, it is exceptional.

This trip home was different for me. First, I flew here by myself for a six-day visit.

This visit is the first with my father since he began to show more advanced stages of dementia.

COVID has been so damaging to so many people, including my father.

I have noticed it on our weekly video calls. In-person, it is even more noticeable. However, I am happy to report that he is the same wonderful father I have always loved. Yes, he sometimes forgets things quickly. At times, he is a little confused. But that is not a problem for me. Even now, he is my guiding light on how to be present to others despite his own difficulties. And my mother, always the loving caregiver, is wonderful through it all.

I have always made it a point to travel to where I grew up and spend time with my family. It was our annual family pilgrimage with my immediate family ever since I left when I was 18 years old.

Each year during the holidays, we would take the two-day drive to be with family and old friends. We would spend a week and make the return trip back to Syracuse. These are some of the most memorable times of my life. Family and good friends are certainly worth spending time with. This pandemic has reinforced this belief.

Like many I know, I hold a special place in my heart for my parents. They were the ones who encouraged me to chase my dreams — no matter how far-fetched they seemed to be. I was crazy enough to want to attend the United States Military Academy (USMA) at West Point. No one from my high school had ever attended USMA before. However, when I asked my parents if they would support me, they willingly agreed. For me, it was a three-year journey to acceptance. Numerous times I wanted to stop the process, but they encouraged me to continue.

I was amazed that I actually got nominated by my US Senator and was accepted by West Point. My parents were not — they always believed in me, even when I doubted.

As I attended, especially the first year, I really struggled. To help me, my parents took turns writing me a letter each day to calm me, reassure me, and remind me who I was. This was in the time of snail mail and phone calls. During that first crucial year, the daily trip to my cadet mailbox was so rewarding.

Their love and encouragement got me through the toughest of times. Then, and many times since.

As they say, the rest is history. Thankfully, it is my history with a special love from my parents.

These past few days have been special for me. I remain grateful as ever to spend time in the presence of my parents. Now they need my special attention. They provided it to me for a lifetime — now it is my turn to give it back to them in these special twilight years. There will be challenges ahead. I know this already. However, life is a series of challenges where we choose to love others and serve them. Relationships define who we are and the quality of life we get to have. I know I am blessed to have such wonderful parents and cherish each of the moments I get with them.

As you begin to return to more in-person moments with others, remember how special and fleeting they can be.

Linger a little longer with family, friends, and co-workers. Hug your family a little tighter and tell your friends how much you care for them.

Take time from your busy schedule to go and see those you have missed. We need these moments at home and work to rejuvenate and relax. We need these relationships to be the person we are called to be.

In doing so, you will be a better and more joyful person. It’s worth the investment.

Do you want more insights?

To learn more about leadership, visit me at www.macny.org.

To get a copy of my book Present-Future Leader, go to www.amazon.com.