SERIAL FICTION

Delroy and the Cheese — Part Ten

The authorities get involved

This is the tenth chapter of an 18 chapter series about life in a Canadian tree-planting camp. If you’re new, you may want to start at the beginning or go to the complete list of Delroy and the Cheese chapters.

Andrea and I were both dressed and waiting outside of the dry shack when Delroy and Griff showed up. Andrea had her arms folded and was staring at the ground. I had my hands in my pockets. I was starting to feel pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. Andrea still had a bit of a smirk on her face. I wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or amused.

“Delroy tells me you took something of his while he was in the shower,” said Griff.

I knew we were busted, but I also felt a need to be accurate. “Technically, that’s not quite true. Andrea and I didn’t touch his cheese or any of the rest of his stuff. Hell, we were in the shower with him when it happened.”

Delroy started to bluster. I held up a hand to stop him. “But, I admit I may have expressed the opinion that taking his cheese would be a good idea. And it’s possible someone could have overheard me. In my defense, I was worried he was getting too obsessed with it. Plus, it was a camp safety concern. Cheese attracts bears, you know?”

“You were seriously worried about a lump of cheese in his pocket luring a bear back to camp?” asked Griff. “We’ve got at least a week’s worth of food for 50 people here.”

“Well, yeah. But I told you how that bear was stalking Delroy and me the other day…”

“And anyway,” said Andrea. “It wasn’t really stealing. He still ended up with the same amount of cheese in the end. You could even say we did him a favor. His old cheese was… well… old. And the cheese we replaced it with is nice and fresh.”

“That’s not the point!” Interjected Delroy. “I wasn’t going to make a sandwich with it. It was symbolic!”

Griff waved at Delroy. “Calm down,” he said. He turned to us. “For fuck’s sake! This isn’t a joke. You stole something from someone. It doesn’t matter whether it was a piece of cheese or a Faberge egg. It’s just plain wrong to steal. Your parents should have taught you that when you were still in nappies. And even if your parents failed you, you should have picked it up from Sesame Street or Mr. Dressup.”

“But we didn’t take it!” said Andrea. “I’m a vegan! What would I even do with his cheese? And, anyway, Stu just told you it was all his idea.”

I was shocked at Andrea’s betrayal. What about the shower we had just shared? Apparently, it meant nothing.

“It’s the principle of the thing,” said Griff. “I can’t have people going around stealing from each other in camp. This is a firing offense, for fuck’s sake.”

“Oh, come on, Man! It was just a joke!” I pleaded. “We’ll get his cheese back. Just give us five minutes.”

“I thought you didn’t take it.”

“We didn’t, but we might know who did.”

Griff looked at Delroy. “Will that work?” he asked. “If they can get the cheese back, we’re all good?”

Delroy crossed his arms and rocked from side to side in frustration. “Yes. As long as it’s okay. I mean not hurt or damaged or anything.”

“Okay,” said Griff. “You have your five minutes. Go get the cheese.”

We ran off to find Susan. She was by her tent. She had a cup of red wine in her hand and there was half a packet of crackers beside her. She looked content, but guilty — like a dog that’s just finished a stolen burger at a barbecue.

“How did it go?” she asked.

“Not too good,” said Andrea. “We need Delroy’s cheese back.”

“Oh shit! Not really?”

“Really,” said Andrea. “Why? What’s the matter?”

“Um… Well… I kind of ate it,” she said.

“You ate it?” I was in shock. It had been in Delroy’s pocket for weeks. It had dirt and pine needles on it. He’d licked it, for god’s sake. “You ate it? Really? All of it?”

“Well, I was just going to have a little taste. I brushed most of the crap off it, and then broke off a little corner and had a nibble. It was delicious. It’s really good cheese, you know? And I thought — I wonder what it would taste like on a cracker? So I got some crackers and broke off another little piece and put it on a cracker and had a nibble of that. And then I thought, you know, this would taste amazing with a bit of red wine and I remembered I had this bottle hidden away so I tried it with some of that. And I was going to save some for you guys, but I had a little more of the wine, and then a little more of the cheese. And then, suddenly, it was all gone.”

This was not good news. “Well, shit,” I said. “We’re royally fucked now.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t save any for us,” said Andrea.

“I didn’t think we’d be giving it back to him,” said Susan. “And you guys didn’t seem that interested in it. I mean, not as an actual cheese to eat or anything. I thought you wanted to get rid of it. You know, because of the bears.”

“Well, now Delroy is really pissed, and Griff is threatening to fire us if we don’t give back the cheese,” I said.

“I didn’t mean to eat it all. But it was just so tasty! Surely, if anyone can understand the seductive power of a really good cheese, it’s Delroy. I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

Next chapter…

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