Love | Diversity | LGBTQ

Defining LGBTQ With Some New Words

L is for Learning All You Can

In my new adaptation of LGBT, the letter L stands for learning. No matter what your EMOTIONS are telling you when your loved one comes out, I can guarantee you that choosing to learn more about things is going to open doors to conversation and communication in your life- if you’re willing.

WHAT??? I think you should LEARN about something you don’t even agree with? Yes. I do. If it was good enough for my high school algebra teacher, it’s good enough for you and me too.

LEARN the LANGUAGE

Taking some time to understand some of the terms used to discuss LGBTQ lives and needs is a true expression of love. If that seems like a stretch right now, I invite you to consider it from a different viewpoint.

Say you have a new family that begins coming to your church. You can see they seem to be very friendly and kind. But they speak a language you don’t know. Yet, you can feel in your heart they need some love. The first time you try to communicate with them, you can probably get by with smiles and handshakes and lots of head nodding.

The few encounters may be the same. It’s easy to see you are building a little camaraderie, but unless you begin to learn each other’s language, you don’t have much hope of building much more than that, do you? But as each party in the conversation begins to learn a few words of the other’s language, suddenly, the doors to a new relationship swing wide open.

The same holds with the LGBTQ person or people in your life. As you learn how to use the terminology and understand the acronyms and other terms, the scary feelings of something completely foreign to you fade. I promise.

Take Some Time to Learn About Their Friends

When we’re raising our children, it’s common practice to get to know their friends. It’s just good common sense. Most parents I know consider themselves blessed with “bonus” kids who spent much of their childhood or teen years hanging out in the house, right with their biological kids- and the love wasn’t a whole lot different either.

The same strategy holds after your child tells you about their sexual identity. Many people will keep their other LGBTQ friends a bit isolated from their biological family, especially when the bio family isn’t exactly open to being allies.

Let me tell you a little story about how things went around here when my grandson came out as trans. Actually, it started before that. My freshly 21-year-old daughter enjoyed going out, but that can be a tricky business. To be young and naïve and thinking it’s all so much fun. Fortunately, her friend brought her the only LGBTQ-friendly bar around. And she loved it.

My deepest worries about her being out and about downtown were put to rest as I began to see how genuine and caring her new friends were. As she shared the stories of their shenanigans, I began to get to know these incredible LGBTQ friends of hers in a very real way. I saw their character as they watched out for their new friend in the bars.

By the time my grandson told me he was transgender, I was much more comfortable in my understanding of and appreciation for the LGBTQ people in my daughter’s life, that the door opened a lot easier than it might have.

The point is easy. The people I met and got to know via stories about them are some of the most kindhearted people I know. Get to know the people in your son or daughter’s life. Your person- friend, sibling, co-worker. Get to know that every single one of them is simply a person, just like you and me. Some good, some need a little practice, like me, but all worthy of love and acceptance by their nature of being. Just being.

As you learn more, your fear and confusion will subside. It’s true. I appreciate you being here and sharing this. I invite you to read on and gift yourself this next piece about the 3 Ugly Myths About LGBTQ Allies.

3 Ugly Myths About LGBTQ Allies

You Really Can be an Ally and Still be Yourself

medium.com

Thank you for reading. Learning how to open up your understanding when an LGBTQ loved one comes out can feel scary. I promise you don’t have to do it alone.

If you would like to read more about my journey with my transgender grandson, you might see yourself in this story:

Psych Wards are Pretty Familiar in My Family

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