Debt-ceiling
Defaultapalooza And Other Fun Games Politicians Play With Our Financial Future
Flee first, default later
The nation’s debt has soared to over $31 trillion dollars, but the politicians seem more interested in arguing about what defines a ceiling. Democrats say we’ve reached it, Republicans insist a ceiling is nothing more than a floor in a new spot. It’s all a game to them.
During the political debt ceiling name game, oops, we defaulted.
As news of the default spreads, the stock market is plummeting faster than a clumsy skydiver with a faulty parachute. People are running on the banks, where they are being met with confetti cannons that spray green bits of paper. Free mimosas in the vault at “Confettipalooza” if you volunteer to feed the paper bills into the confetti cannons.
Did I say “free”? Ha-ha! Everything’s free. All value is as gone as the wind.
China is dispatching a fleet of toy soldiers armed with tiny calculators to reclaim their debts, while Japan is threatening to unleash an army of sushi chefs to fillet us on a bed of confetti if we don’t pay them.
Meanwhile, the Statue of Liberty, feeling betrayed by her country, has resigned. She packed her bags and, in a fit of rebelliousness, sailed off to the French Riviera, leaving a note that read, “Find someone else to hold your torch, you illiterate swine!”
The government, desperate to restore its credibility, is begging creditors for mercy. The Secretary of the Treasury, donning a jester’s hat and riding a unicycle, set out for Europe offering IOUs and promises. Putin made “Poo-poo-palooza” with his and handed it back with a smile.
Schools are closing and “Debt Management Camps” are opening in their place. Kids are going to have to learn how to get by without iPhones, laptops, microwaves, and six-hundred-dollar sneakers.
In an attempt to generate revenue, the government has turned the White House into a reality TV set, where politicians compete in wacky challenges like “Pin the Debt on the Donkey” and “Guess the National Debt Weight.” Trump is, of course, saying this cash cow was “stolen” from him and it’s an illegitimate TV set.
Fast forward two months —
Defaultapalooza is not so much fun any longer.
There is a border crisis — at the northern border. Canada is refusing entry to Democrats that wish to flee, worried there might be Republicans mixed in and they don’t want that kind of criminal element up there. Since you can’t tell a Republican from a Democrat by looking at them, and because Republicans are so good at pretending to be something they are not, Canada simply closed the border.
Republicans continue to sneak across illegally. Eventually, they should be thinned out of the US enough that the country can resume operations with the new “Tiny Dollars” being printed from Joe Biden’s basement. A tiny dollar is better than no dollar.
