Dedicated to.. | Chapter 1: Existential Angst

A Collection of Short Stories on the Flower That Grew From the Concrete

“Hey Trey, I love you.”

I receive that same exact text from my Mom every morning.

It’s her motherly instinct; she can’t help it. She’s constantly worried about me.

I was her little boy, but now, Baby Trey is growing up.

I wish I could give her a reason not to worry, but it also feels nice to feel loved.

I have a hard time opening up to her about my past. It isn’t that I don’t trust her. She’s my Mom. It also isn’t that I’m intentionally secretive either. It’s somewhere in between fear and disappointment.

My life has been a complicated journey.

I’m 29 and about to turn 30 in a month and plagued with chronic depression and social anxiety — rooted in childhood trauma like most millennials.

I learned a lot of lessons the hard way throughout my adolescent years. At least that’s what my Grandfather would always tell me as a reminder of my constant f*ck ups, “Trey, you never learn, do you?”

Stepping into adulthood makes me nervous. If you’re about to or just turned 30, you’d probably think the same.

Turning 30 is also symbolic in that I’ve lost a lot of people along the way.

Some of the losses were my closest friendships, most of the losses were relationships, but the worst losses were to the hands of time.

I’ve also lost myself in the process.

After much time fighting against seeking help, mainly due to the stigmas I’d fear would come from my family and close friends, I’m finally in therapy.

My ex-girlfriends would probably all say it’s long overdue.

Jokes on them.

I’m as emotionally unavailable — or unstable — as I’ve ever been.

Recently, I’ve begun to dread life even more.

My life has been shattered. I wish I could put back the pieces.

I’m still trying to find a healthy way to cope. I guess therapy should be helping with that. But each morning makes it harder to move.

Although I do look forward to that text from my Mom — it’s the love I haven’t found in myself.

DEDICATED TO..

is a collection of flash fiction short stories on the stages of life we grow through, the battle of youthfulness, and the transition into adulthood.