Decoding “The Penny Method” and How It Can Hurt Your Brain
Thanks to Erika Tham, a 23-year-old singer and songwriter based in Toronto, Canada, for the tip!
Dear Fellow Survivor™,
I received an article from a long-time friend about a new dating trend called “The Penny Method.” This caught my attention as I’ve been delving into the terminology used by abusive dating coaches following my experience with sex trafficking and exploitation.
After leaving the Roman Catholic Church in 2014, I explored polyamory with a close friend, only to discover that he and his friends within the Manosphere were misogynistic and abusive.
Despite years of researching the effects of trauma and abuse, society still doesn’t fully grasp the powerful impact of trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement in abusive relationships.
These individuals used deceitful tactics, manipulation, and a false narrative, ultimately causing lasting damage to my mental health.
Additionally, we uncovered “dating coaches” covertly teaching sex trafficking and exploitation through a method called “The Loverboy Method,” using disguised terms to evade detection.
My friends have shared concerning dating concepts, including “The Penny Method,” which I immediately recognized as another scheme to lure younger individuals into damaging relationships for the sake of selling questionable courses.
This pattern of exploitation and manipulation must be exposed and confronted to protect vulnerable individuals from falling prey to such harmful tactics.
So, we’ll decode “The Penny Method” to help educate others about what it truly involves.
The article I was sent, thanks to Erika Tham, a 23-year-old singer and songwriter based in Toronto, Canada, laid the method out like this:
“Imagine a girl is a piggy bank,” she said. “In order to get her interested, obviously at first you have to be feeding her $100 bills. But putting in $100 bills is a lot of work. And you don’t always wanna be doing that, so eventually you decrease it to $90. Now she’s gonna feel the decrease in effort, but it’s only 10%, so if she tries to bring it up, she’s gonna sound crazy at this point.”
Ah yes, the good ol’ intermittent reinforcement trick.
Intermittent reinforcement, commonly referred to as “The Push Pull Method,” a psychological term, refers to a conditioning schedule where a person uses a reward or reinforcement that is not consistently delivered each time a specific response is provided.
Keep in mind that simply renaming a term does not alter the action or its impact on you. This should not be done without the informed consent of the person involved.
“Now here’s where it gets sick. The next thing you do is you bump it back up to $95. Now instead of feeling like she lost $5, which is how she would feel if you went directly from $100 to $95, suddenly she feels like she’s gained $5. But you are still putting 5% less effort. Basically, you just keep repeating the cycle and weaning her off your effort until you get to the point where you’re giving her pennies, and she’s excited to receive a nickel.”
In BDSM, this concept is applied in “slave” training.
While BDSM relationships are consensual, it is crucial to prioritize consent and safety for a healthy dynamic, rather than utilizing power and control to subdue an individual through scientific conditioning.
In a notable scientific experiment, mice were trained to hit a lever to receive a treat. Initially, they eagerly pressed the lever and received treats consistently. However, as the treats became less predictable, the mice’s behavior fluctuated, eventually leading them to stop hitting the lever when they realized the treats were no longer reliably available.
The concept involves non-consensually ‘training’ the woman to exhibit desired behavior, rather than respecting her autonomy and desires, ultimately establishing himself as the "Master."
We ask for your mercy, Lord,... as we make to journey across dark waters. Grant us sound feet...and silent breath. Refuge from the storm...and safe passage...’midst hungry wolves. — Anya Oliwa, Wolfenstein (& BJ’s Lover)
[Anya Oliwa Art Coming Soon!!!]
This cycle can create a strong emotional and psychological connection that is similar to a biochemical addiction like an addict's need for cocaine, amplifying attachment to the abusive partner.
In the context of BDSM master-slave relationships, intermittent reinforcement and trauma bonding parallel psychological abuse dynamics. The dominant partner may use unpredictable rewards or punishments to maintain control and influence the submissive partner.
Trauma bonding, characterized by a strong emotional connection between the submissive and dominant, can also manifest in certain BDSM dynamics.
However, the consensual and negotiated nature of BDSM relationships distinguishes them from psychological abuse, with ethical practices prioritizing informed consent, clear boundaries, and the well-being of all parties.
I was subjected to this exact method without my knowledge or consent. Multiple men, who were trained to exploit and traffic me, used this precise technique, leading to severe and prolonged trauma.
As a result, I developed psychosis and have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD and a severe dissociative disorder. It’s possible that my enduring brain damage is a direct consequence of these methods being employed without proper training or regard for safety.
Keep in mind that simply renaming a term does not alter the action or its impact on you. This should not be done without the informed consent of the person involved.
1. Recognizing Patterns:
Survivors can identify intermittent reinforcement by observing cycles of cruelty followed by sporadic kindness or affection from their abuser. Recognizing these patterns provides insight into the manipulative nature of the abuser’s behavior.
Prevention: Seeking support from trustworthy individuals, including friends, family, or mental health professionals, can be crucial for protecting mental well-being. Establishing a support network offers validation and perspective on abusive dynamics.
Additionally, engaging in self-care practices, such as mindfulness, journaling, and activities that bring joy and relaxation, can help survivors maintain emotional well-being.
2. Identifying Biochemical Responses:
Survivors can become aware of the impact of biochemical addiction by observing their intensified emotional reactions to sporadic displays of affection from the abuser. Understanding the influence of neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin can provide insights into the physiological aspects of their attachment.
Prevention: Engaging in activities that stimulate the release of positive neurotransmitters, such as exercise, hobbies, and nurturing relationships with supportive individuals, can help counteract the effects of the abusive relationship on the brain and contribute to mental resilience.
3. Seeking External Validation:
Survivors often seek validation from external sources to affirm their experiences and feelings. Recognizing this need can empower survivors to address it in healthier ways.
Prevention: Actively seeking trauma-informed therapy can provide survivors with professional validation and support from mental health professionals. This therapeutic approach creates a safe space for survivors to process their experiences and mitigate the impact of intermittent reinforcement on their mental health.
Through therapy, survivors can build a foundation of self-worth and self-compassion, reducing their reliance on external validation from abusive sources.
“We ask for your mercy, Lord,... as we make to journey across dark waters. Grant us sound feet...and silent breath. Refuge from the storm...and safe passage...’midst hungry wolves.” — Anya Oliwa, Wolfenstein (& BJ’s Lover)
[Anya Oliwa Art Coming Soon!!!]
4. Setting Boundaries:
Recognizing the harmful cycle of intermittent reinforcement can empower survivors to establish and enforce clear boundaries within the relationship. Understanding how the abuser uses intermittent reinforcement to maintain control allows survivors to proactively set limits on interactions and communication.
Prevention: Survivors can develop assertiveness skills and practice setting boundaries to shield themselves from further emotional harm. Recognizing red flags and asserting personal boundaries can diminish the impact of intermittent reinforcement on mental health and foster a sense of empowerment within the relationship.
5. Educating Oneself:
Survivors can empower themselves by learning about the tactics and dynamics of abuse, such as intermittent reinforcement. Understanding the psychological mechanisms at play in abusive relationships can provide survivors with valuable knowledge to effectively identify and respond to these tactics.
Prevention: Seeking resources and educating oneself on healthy relationships, trauma recovery, and the dynamics of abuse can offer valuable insights and tools for safeguarding mental health. Accessing reputable literature, online support communities, and educational materials can enhance understanding of abusive behaviors and their impact on mental well-being.
This knowledge can serve as a foundation for developing coping strategies and protective measures against the effects of intermittent reinforcement.
It’s crucial to recognize that the tactic of intermittent reinforcement can be utilized in the context of sex trafficking and exploitation.
Perpetrators may employ this manipulation technique to exert control over their victims, creating a cycle of coercion, reward, and punishment that can lead to significant psychological and emotional trauma.
This tactic, among others, can contribute to the complex dynamics of power and control within cases of sex trafficking and exploitation. It’s important to recognize and address these abusive tactics as part of efforts to combat and prevent sex trafficking and support survivors.
If you or someone you know is affected by sex trafficking or exploitation, seeking support from law enforcement, advocacy organizations, or mental health professionals is crucial for safety and recovery.
