Summary

The article discusses the importance of self-love and setting boundaries, emphasizing that while it's important to consider others' needs (The Golden Rule), it's equally crucial to prioritize one's own well-being (The Platinum Rule).

Abstract

The author reflects on the traditional wisdom of The Golden Rule, which advocates treating others as one would like to be treated, and contrasts it with The Platinum Rule, which suggests treating others as they would like to be treated. The article delves into the personal journey of balancing these principles with the need for self-care and self-love. It highlights the importance of not just serving others but also serving oneself, setting boundaries, and managing expectations. The author shares a personal anecdote about their experience as a freelance writer, learning to write for their own satisfaction rather than external validation, and the positive outcomes of this mindset shift. The piece concludes by reinforcing the value of one's energy, time, and skillset, advocating for a mutual exchange of respect and appreciation in any interaction.

Opinions

The author believes that feeling good is contingent upon doing what feels right for oneself, which includes standing up for oneself, setting boundaries, and not feeling guilty about it.
They suggest that the wellness industry, despite its focus on self-care, can sometimes lead individuals to overlook their own needs in service of others.
The author emphasizes the importance of rewiring thought patterns to align with personal happiness and peace, rather than external expectations or narratives from one's past.
They advocate for a balanced approach to interactions, where one's own needs are not overshadowed by the needs of others, and where there is an open conversation to ensure mutual interest and energy alignment.
The author asserts that personal energy, time, and skill

Rebel | Self-Love | Relationships | Leadership

Debunking Rules in The Name of Self-Love

The Golden Rule AND The Platinum Rule

“Do you unto others as you would like done unto you.” — The Golden Rule.

I am sure many, if not all, of you have heard that before, right?

Heck, I was raised on that saying along with Kool-Aid and making sure my bed was made.

As I got older, I started attending personal development workshops that my corporate jobs required me to attend.

As I sat there aiming to be the “best leader possible,” I started hearing about The Platinum Rule:

“Do unto others as THEY would like done unto them.”

It made sense and I liked it.

From time to time, like most humans, I am sure I have not lived up to this rule. But I am still here and the police haven’t knocked on my door.

But in the moments of realizing I have derailed from the Matrix…

I have learned that feeling good means doing what feels good for me.

Which means — standing up for myself, setting boundaries, asking for help, using my voice…

AND not feeling bad for any of that. Self-love at it’s finest hour.

The “feeling bad” that happens to the majority, is what is not in alignment.

Does that mean we have to be a jerk? No, not my point at all.

But we do need to take a moment and access what is good for us too vs. only thinking about the other person.

And in this world of $814B wellness industry, we tend to loose sight of this.

We are being wired to believe that service IS THE WAY.

But we have to remember to serve ourselves first. And take time to look internally at our patterns in regards to mindset and wellness.

You can’t fill from an empty cup.

Put your oxygen mask on first.

Sayings like those, are now so engrained that they have become cliche and overlooked vs. embodied and overstood.

I have been a freelance writer for our local newsletter for almost four years. I love doing it, however a few years ago I realized I was very triggered when other people didn’t appreciate their article to the level I had expected.

It was like The Platinum Rule in reverse. A narrative I created, likely from my childhood and my mother’s extremely high expectations of everyone.

So, my story on repeat was, “I am doing this for them, I would be appreciative, why aren’t they?”

I think that’s called a Martyr.

I know I am not alone in this, so instead of beating myself up, I gave myself grace and rewired my thought pattern and perspective to where I felt happy, peaceful, aligned, and fair.

Now, for the past two years, I write for me first, the person second.

In honesty, it’s likely more “tied” than first or second.

But the reframe helps me tone down the expectations a mighty notch.

And you know what? It works! I have fun writing and give it my best — heart and soul. I am proud of each piece and then share because I want to share, not because I “should” or with expectations.

Then, if the person responds in kind and also shares — fantastic! And the piece has even more energy.

If not, that’s okay, and I move on with love.

I take this approach in the beginning stage too. In that, if upon my request to interview them, if they are not excited or grateful, I mention it by asking if they wish to be interviewed.

I don’t want to assume they desire an article (not everyone does for various reasons) so it opens the conversation to make sure we are an energetic match.

Again, if they don’t desire a piece, that’s okay, I move on with love.

What I have come to know as my rule is that my energy, time, and skillset is of high value.

Further — your energy, time, and skillset is of high value too!

And “the rule” needs to work both ways.

Author at Vizcaya in Miami — November, 2022.

Connect further? Website www.melindavanfleet.com

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