Death Breeds Life

How death changed me.

My Mother

My mom was always the cornerstone of our family. She and my father had two sons, with me being the youngest. She was always a devout Christian and always ensured that my brother and I attended church service. She also made sure that we were active in church groups, such as the choir and the Boys Brigade.

My parents separated while my brother and I were teenagers. Regardless, my mom continued to treat my father with respect whenever he visited us. She never had any harsh words toward him in his presence or outside of his presence. As I grew older, I continued to observe the consistency in my mother’s life. This became solidified when, a few years later, my mom agreed to care for a sister that my father had out of wedlock.

Through several other challenging times in her life, my mom would never waver in her spiritual life. In fact, her faith made her stronger. I saw first-hand how low moments became opportunities. I witnessed my mom’s charity, even when she did not have much to offer.

My mom, always wanting my brother and I to focus on our academics, mortgaged our family home to put my brother and I through college. She provided everything we needed so that we could excel in academics.

While in college, my mom would periodically mention that she was having a will created. I never liked hearing her talk of death. She would always tell my brother and I that she will not be around forever.

Many years later, when my mom died, it left a huge void in my life. At her funeral, many people reflected on her life and the impact she had on them. I never knew that she had touched so many lives. In the days and months after, I continued to receive calls and personal messages from individuals. Many of them commented they wanted to live their life the way my mom did. They wanted to be eulogized in a similar fashion by having it done without exaggerations. Several confessed to a recommitment of faith because of her.

At the reading of the will, my mother, even in death, had pre-planned everything. She ensured that her funeral costs were covered and left the family home to my brother and me. My brother and I had both completed college at this time and the house that put both of us through school was now mortgage-free.

Her death made me realize that wealth is not only monetary. You can be wealthy in character, compassion, and faith. I learned the importance of being kind and compassionate to others. Even when we think others are not watching and are not affected by our actions, they are. Through her death, I began planning, regardless of the occasion. Whether it be a dinner, birthday, purchasing insurance or a retirement plan.

Now having a daughter of my own, witnessing my mother’s life, made be a better dad. I want my child to see me the way I saw my mother. I want her to learn that working hard is important and giving to others is equally critical. I learned we should not perform acts of kindness so that we can obtain accolades from others, but that we should do them because it is our duty.

My Father

My dad had always been an excellent provider. Even when he and our mom separated, he continued to support our family physically and financially.

He was always open and honest with my brother and me. We discussed many topics. My father always made us aware of his extracurricular activities when it came to brothers and sisters we had outside of his marriage to my mom.

I never had a close relationship with my external brothers and sisters growing up. I was cordial to the ones I saw, but we never had a close bond.

My father and I continued to have a close relationship up to his death in early 2021. His funeral was the first time that all my siblings, 10 were gathered in the same location. In the days prior to the funeral, my brothers and sisters that lived in other countries began arriving in Nassau.

We arranged a sibling dinner and a photo session. We found ourselves sharing stories and memories of our father. We also spoke about the individual families many of us now had. To see my numerous nephews and nieces was a great experience.

In death, my father brought all his children together. It made me realize how precious time is. It gave me a new determination to remain in constant contact with all my relatives. My belief that life is too short for petty issues to disrupt my life was solidified.

Losing both parents has made me a better person. I am now a more loving, caring, compassionate, empathetic, and faithful person. I now see strangers as brothers and sisters. I always try to be an asset to my community and those around me. I constantly find myself trying to assist those in need. I have designed my life to not be a burden to my immediate family, especially in death. Yes, death does breed life.